


“normal” never existed in this group chat

by Bleeding_Hearts



Series: Chatfic Chaos [1]
Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Group Chat Fic, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, chatfic, other characters to be added - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 43,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bleeding_Hearts/pseuds/Bleeding_Hearts
Summary: [actualbabey has added PaleAuthority, alwayswatching, itsforscience, and 30 others to HallownestTexts]shieldbro: what the fuck
Relationships: Bretta/Zote the Mighty (Hollow Knight), Brumm/Grimm (Hollow Knight), Markoth/Xero (Hollow Knight), Nailsmith/Nailmaster Sheo (Hollow Knight), Quirrel/Tiso (Hollow Knight), The Pale King/White Lady (Hollow Knight)
Series: Chatfic Chaos [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144601
Comments: 240
Kudos: 269





	1. [actualbabey: i said no]

**Author's Note:**

> Names:  
> Pale King- PaleAuthority  
> Lurien-alwayswatching  
> Monomon-itsforscience  
> Herrah-thebeast  
> Hornet-yeeshaw  
> Tiso-shieldbro  
> Quirrel-justvibin  
> Ghost- actualbabey  
> Grimm-nowdancefuckerdance  
> Brumm-thebestaccordionplayer  
> White Lady-blind(ing)tree  
> Xero-murderisquiteok  
> Gorb-thegreatmind  
> Markoth-fuckyourfloors  
> Galien-sweetscythebro  
> Cloth-justwantstofight  
> Grimmchild-nyah  
> God Tamer-colosseumchampion  
> Lemm-relicseeker  
> Mato-thefriendlyone  
> Midwife-hungrybitch  
> Oro-theangryone  
> Sheo-thepaintmaster  
> Nailsmith-forgeuntildawn  
> Traitor Lord-gimmepower  
> Radiance-fuckpaleking  
> Broken Vessel-br0ken  
> Soul Master-bastard101  
> Elderbug-IsACoolDude  
> Sly-AintPaidEnough  
> Bretta-QueenBretta  
> Zote-thegreyprince  
> Myla-singingandmining

[actualbabey has added PaleAuthority, alwayswatching, itsforscience, and 30 others to HallownestTexts]

shieldbro: what the fuck

justvibin: Hey, no cursing around Ghost!

shieldbro: @fuckyourfloors 

fuckyourfloors: what the fuck do you want

justvibin: No! >:0

PaleAuthority: Who gave Ghost a phone? I’m going to smite you.

murderisquiteok: whoops

nowdancefuckerdance: @justvibin 

justvibin: NO! 

shieldbro: lmao

relicseeker: A lot of us here should not be around this child

relicseeker: Including, but not limited to: Tiso

relicseeker: That’s it

shieldbro: wtf

theangryone: can yall shut the fuck up?

AintPaidEnough: There it is

fuckyourfloors: i hate all of you

murderisquiteok: even me?

fuckyourfloors: especially you

-

2:02 AM

shieldbro: covered in blood for sexy reasons

shieldbro: also I just got stabbed

shieldbro: I dont suppose theres anyone here willing to tenderly clean, stitch, and bandage my wounds while calling me an idiot in an exasperatedly find tone of voice, is there

colosseumchampion: we threw you out for a reason

-

4:20 AM

alwayswatching: Ay

thebeast: actually die

-

6:38 AM

thegreyprince: @QueenBretta wake up

thegreyprince: wake up

thegreyprince: wake up

PaleAuthority: @murderisquiteok 1000 Geo to kill this man

murderisquiteok: deal

-

8:56 AM

justvibin: if youre not up by now, I’ll be concerned

yeeshaw: be concerned, it’s a weekend, im sleeping in

justwantstofight: ^

thebestaccordionplayer: ^^

thebeast: ^^^

shieldbro: who the fuck wakes up at 8 on a weekend and thinks “oh boy, time to get up despite nothing forcing me to”

justvibin: people with ambitions?

shieldbro: boring

AintPaidEnough: I regret not muting this chat

AintPaidEnough: Hmmmm

[actualbabey had revoked admin power from AintPaidEnough]

actualbabey: no

-

9:15 AM

actualbabey: @theangryone hug time!

theangryone: no

[theangryone has left HallownestTexts]

[actualbabey has added theangryone to HallownestTexts] 

[actualbabey had revoked admin power from theangryone]

actualbabey: i said no


	2. [justvibin: you swore at a child when they told you leprechauns werent real]

12:34 PM 

shieldbro: hehe funny number 

PaleAuthority: I regret ever meeting you. 

theangryone: don’t we all

shieldbro: now that’s rude 

-

1:13 PM

nyah: @nowdancefuckerdance i want a pony 

nowdancefuckerdance: I’ll make arrangements soon. I’m smoking my 40th cig rn

PaleAuthority: Are you joking? 

nowdancefuckerdance: Would you be upset if I said no?

PaleAuthority: Yes. 

nowdancefuckerdance: Then no. 

itsforscience: I feel bad for the children here

justvibin: you swore at a child when they told you leprechauns weren’t real 

itsforscience: ITS A FALSEHOOD OK

-

3:25 PM 

PaleAuthority: @murderisquiteok Did you think you could flip me off and not expect me to see? 

PaleAuthority: You did it in front of my face. 

murderisquiteok: well its true and you should know it upfront 

fuckpaleking: TRUE

PaleAuthority: Radi, shut the fuck up. 

[fuckpaleking has changed PaleAuthority’s name to manletlmao] 

shieldbro: LMAO 

thegreyprince: shorter than I 

blind(ing)tree: Has anyone seen my husband? 

bastard101: heh

[manletlmao has changed their name to PaleAuthority] 

PaleAuthority: No. 

yeeshaw: damn. 

-

4:20 PM 

itsforscience: Ayy

thebeast: oh no! theres two of them! 

-

6:31 PM

thebestaccordionplayer: what should I make for dinner 

actualbabey: donuts!

nowdancefuckerdance: Is my soup not good enough? 

thebestaccordionplayer: you managed to BURN IT. A LIQUID. 

nowdancefuckerdance: Yeah? 

thebestaccordionplayer: how did you burn something that’s already wet???

nowdancefuckerdance: Skill

shieldbro: DAMN

-

7:59 PM

[colosseumchampion sent an image] 

colosseumchampion: help girl ive drifted out to see

shieldbro: see

murderisquiteok: see

actualbabey: see

colosseumchampion: i hate you all

-

11:18 PM

alwayswatching: Zis just a sideways N

thebeast: shut up

alwayswatching: Zo


	3. [itsforscience: Quirrel, get back here. We’re gonna blow up a toilet]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Eyes- norestforthewicked

2:16 AM 

[shieldbro has changed their name to 5hi3ldbr0] 

yeeshaw: this is why nobody can tolerate you 

5hi3ldbr0: well damn ok 

5hi3ldbr0: isnt cool though 

fuckyourfloors: absolutely not

fuckyourfloors: ive seen flukes cooler than that name

5hi3ldbr0: fuck

-

3:00 AM 

murderisquiteok: Ayyyy

fuckyourfloors: im going to learn necromancy so i can bring you back to life. then im going to kill you again 

murderisquiteok: D:

-

3:33 AM 

[actualbabey sent an image]

actualbabey: @PaleAuthority 

br0ken: snitch 

PaleAuthority: Why are you climbing out the window?

br0ken: witching hours 

br0ken: possess me, ghosts 

fuckyourfloors: no

murderisquiteok: ill do it to spite markoth 

PaleAuthority: Suddenly interested in lessons on necromancy. 

PaleAuthority: Hm, I wonder who could teach me. 

PaleAuthority: @spellsgobrr

spellsgobrr: youre asking the wrong shaman

[murderisquiteok has added norestforthewicked to HallownestTexts] 

murderisquiteok: no eyes help

norestforthewicked: With what? 

PaleAuthority: I’m looking to learn necromancy. Don’t ask why.

norestforthewicked: Meet me at Greenpath, I’ll teach you 

murderisquiteok: fucking traitor 

-

4:20 AM

alwayswatching: *inhales* 

thebeast: do it

alwayswatching: it’s not fun when you want it 

thebeast: prick

-

4:52 AM

thepaintmaster: you all concern me 

nowdancefuckerdance: I’d be more worried if we didn’t concern you 

nowdancefuckerdance: But it seems like we’re doing a great job so far, so keep it up @everyone 

-

6:03 AM

PaleAuthority: Xero, why’d you knock over my neatly stacked papers?

murderisquiteok: pettiness 

murderisquiteok: when it doubt, solve the problem with the most petty thing possible 

justvibin: that was the most correct thing you’ve ever said 

itsforscience: Quirrel, get back here. We’re gonna blow up a toilet 

5hi3ldbr0: lucky 

justvibin: you can watch 

5hi3ldbr0: can i bring a friend 

justvibin: yeah

5hi3ldbr0: omw 

-

Private messages between 5hi3ldbr0 and murderisquiteok

5hi3ldbr0: xero get in the car we going to blow up a toilet 

murderisquiteok: fuck yeah

murderisquiteok: omw 

5hi3ldbr0: bring the extra fireworks 

murderisquiteok: the extras or the ones were not firing off during the valentines party 

5hi3ldbr0: extras, save the others incase we run out 

murderisquiteok: k

-

7:43 AM

yeeshaw: not that I’m curious or anything, but send pics?

justwantstofight: video perhaps?

5hi3ldbr0: gotcha covered 

justvibin: Tiso where are you it’s been an hour 

5hi3ldbr0: i just hopped into the car im coming 

-

Tiso buzzed in excitement as he gripped the passenger side door, watching the cityscape go by. He turned to Xero in the driver’s seat. “Hurry up!”

“Do you want me to break a few driving laws?” Xero asked. 

“How long will it take if we don’t?” 

“Ten minutes.”

Tiso looked out the front window. “Break a few driving laws.”

-

8:04 AM

[singingandmining sent an image] 

singingandmining: Why did Tiso and Xero just flash by my house going 80? 

singingandmining: And why was Tiso crying?

5hi3ldbr0: I WASNT CRYING STFU

5hi3ldbr0: SCREAMING IS A GESTURE OF MANLINESS 

[murderisquiteok has sent a video]

PaleAuthority: Oh, look! Blackmail!


	4. [AintPaidEnough: You all give me a migraine]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elderbug- IsACoolDude

8:31 AM

theangryone: so

theangryone: you guys dead?

5hi3ldbr0: we’re about to be lol

[5hi3ldbr0 has changed their name to shieldbro] 

shieldbro: gotta be professional for this 

yeeshaw: “professional”

yeeshaw: Tiso you’re anything but professional 

shieldbro: rude

justvibin: you literally chugged a bottle of hot sauce

justvibin: and your reasoning was “cloth told me to”

justwantstofight: in my defense, i thought hed chicken out

yeeshaw: Tiso never chickens out

justvibin: ^

PaleAuthority: ^^

murderisquiteok: ^^^

PaleAuthority: Xero, stop driving and texting, you’re going to kill yourself again.

nowdanacefuckerdance: Would that make him double dead???

itsforscience: We can find out

murderisquiteok: why are you coming towards me

-

8:45 AM

itsforscience: Target neutralized 

shieldbro: youre scarily good with explosives

itsforscience: I try. Now get over here so I can blow this shit up

actualbabey: send pics!!!

-

“Let’s blow this shit sky-high!” Tiso yelled as he threw his hands into the air. Monomon laughed as she lit the fuse in front of her. 

“Be careful…!” Quirrel called from across the empty parking lot. He held his phone in his shaking hands. 

“Stop shaking, you’re going to get blurry pictures,” Tiso snapped at him. He took the phone from Quirrrl and held it still. Monomon joined them, watching the flames as they trailed up to the first explosive. 

“Blow up, blow up, blow up!” Xero chanted next to them, watching like an excited child. 

“Hurry the fuck up!” Tiso yelled. As soon as he said it, the explosives went off, eliciting an excited cheer from Tiso and a frightened yelp from Quirrel. 

Monomon cackled as white pieces of the toilet flew. She snapped photos as quickly as she could, laughing more when one hit Tiso on the head. 

“Do-don’t share that…!”

-

9:04 AM

[itsforscience sent an image]

thegreyprince: LMAOOOOOOO

nowdancefuckerdance: Loser

yeeshaw: would you look at that

PaleAuthority: More blackmail? 

PaleAuthority: Hell yeah.

thebeast: how much blackmail do you have?

PaleAuthority: Oh, Herrah. 

PaleAuthority: You ain’t seen nothing yet.

alwayswatching: dont like that

thefriendlyone: blackmail is good

theangryone: says you

thepaintmaster: mato has no dirt on him, of course its good for him

AintPaidEnough: You all give me a migraine

-

9:17 AM

actualbabey: hey guys

actualbabey: totally unrelated but you wanna go to on a field trip

shieldbro: where are we going

actualbabey: ill figure it out. @justwantstofight and @PaleAuthority, gather the victims

PaleAuthority: I fear you sometimes, Ghost.

actualbabey: :D

-

9:25 AM

fuckyourfloors: TISO GET IN THE DAMN CAR BEFORE I MAKE YOU

shieldbro: you cant tell me what to do

-

9:35 AM

fuckyourfloors: @murderisquiteok come help me hide his body

murderisquiteok: omw

yeeshaw: fucking finally

-

9:53 AM

IsACoolDude: I’m letting Ghost go under the conditions that they are alive when they return. 

IsACoolDude: @justvibin You’re in charge of them.

IsACoolDude: If you let them wander off, you will die. 

justvibin: YES SIR

-

10:06 AM

thebeast: @alwayswatching where are you??? we’re about to leave

alwayswatching: i was doing something

itsforscience: “something” being applying makeup

alwayswatching: STFU

-

“Everyone out. We’ll wait for the others and then we’ll be on our way,” Cloth instructed as she pulled the van’s keys from ignition. Quirrel exited from the passenger’s side, helping Ghost and Broken out as well. 

Hornet looked over at Tiso. “You too.”

Tiso groaned. “I don’t wanna. We’re just gonna get back in.”

Cloth reached in and grabbed Tiso by his hood. She lifted him up and set him on the ground. “Too late now, half-pint.”

Tiso scrambled to his feet, wiping the dirt off his hood. “Ok, ok! I’m up!”

Quirrel ignored the three as he watched Ghost and Broken run around. Elderbug’s threat rang clear in his mind and he shivered. Ghost chased their sibling around, the older vessel being able to outrun Ghost, albeit slightly. 

Another car pulled up and Quirrel looked over to it. The passenger door opened and revealed Lurien. Zote was on top of him and the Watcher pushed the other out as soon as he could. Zote fell to the ground with a grunt. 

The Pale King sighed in annoyance as he opened the back doors. Sly slipped out, followed by Sheo, Oro, and Mato. Beretta came from around the other side of the car. 

“Who are we missing?” Pale King asked, doing a small headcount. 

“Herrah and Monomon said they were going to meet us at the first stop,” Lurien recalled, checking his phone. “We gotta pick up Grimm and his troupe at a rest stop. Myla said she’s riding with God Tamer, who’s also picking up the ghosts.”

Pale King nodded. He approached the rented limo. “Get in. The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back.” He situated himself in the driver’s seat. Ghost and Broken practically threw themselves into the back. Quirrel climbed in after, sitting between the two. Hornet followed after, seating herself in the corner. Tiso sat near Quirrel while Zote sat next to Bretta, smiling at her with a wink. Lurien got into the passenger seat while Cloth joined Tiso. Sly was given his own row while the nailmasters sat behind him. 

Then they were off. 

-

Ghost had picked out a bunch of attractions for them to visit. The first on the list was a corn maze, much to Oro’s chagrin. As the limo pulled up, the group could see the others waiting there for them. Herrah and Monomon were chatting at the caramel apple stands. Nearby, Myla and God Tamer were filing out of their own car. Markoth could be seen sulking in the back while Xero gazed at the corn maze silently. 

Ghost ran up to the maze, pointing in excitement. Tiso followed them, looking at Ghost. “Race you to the finish?”

Ghost nodded in excitement and the two disappeared. Broken followed them quickly. The Pale King sat down at a bench with Lurien, Herrah, and Monomon, the three resolving to stay behind and talk. 

“I hate fucking corn mazes,” Oro muttered. “I always get lost.” 

“That sounds like a you problem,” Markoth said as he passed him, Xero behind him. Oro flipped them both off as the ghosts vanished into the maze. 

“I’ll see you on the other side!” Zote cried dramatically, walking towards the maze. Oro glared and punted the small bug, cackling as someone yelled “Touchdown!” from within the maze. 

-

“Fuck, I’m lost,” Tiso muttered to himself, wanting to scream as he ran into another sign that exclaimed he was at a dead end. He turned and took a left this time. “Starting to fucking hate corn.”

“It’s not the corn’s fault,” Cloth snickered, appearing from another pathway. 

Tiso glared, ripping one of the cobs off. “Yes, it is.” He chucked it into the air. 

“Ow! Who the fuck was that?!” Markoth’s angry voice rang from nearby. 

Cloth smirked at Tiso. “Run.”

“Already on it,” Tiso replied, pushing past Cloth and vanishing into the green. 

-

“Let’s go do a corn maze! That’s a great idea!” Hornet muttered sarcastically as she stalked along the dirt pathways. “Half of these idiots lack the intelligence to make a microwaveable dinner.”

“Rude.” Xero’s voice sounded from above her and she looked up. The other red bug was floating above her, the amusement audible in his voice. 

Hornet scowled at him. “What are you doing?”

“Cheating.” Xero shrugged. “Why do the maze when I can float over it?”

“And where’s your boyfriend?” Hornet asked with a sly smirk. 

Xero flushed up under his helmet. “He-he’s not my boyfriend! Shut up!” He recovered quickly and pointed to the right. “Exit’s that way.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“I actually like you. I’m gonna go fuck with Zote now.” Xero vanished into thin air. Hornet shook her head as she turned right. Sure enough, she could see the wide arch of the exit sign through the corn. 

A high-pitched scream that could only belong to Zote sounded off and Hornet smirked, making her way towards the exit.


	5. [actualbabey: did you die for a second time]

5:50 PM

PaleAuthority: Sign off, everyone, where are you fucks?

actualbabey: with tiso and broken

br0ken: can confirm

yeeshaw: waiting with Cloth, Bretta, and Myla

thefriendlyone: With Oro and Sheo by the car

PaleAuthority: Missing Tiso, the ghosts, and Zote. Where you guys at?

thegreyprince: lost

shieldbro: with zote

fuckyourfloors: lmao fucking losers

PaleAuthority: Sigh. 

PaleAuthority: Be back by 6.

shieldbro: thats 10 minutes away

PaleAuthority: Your point?

nowdancefuckerdance: Damn

-

6:02 PM

PaleAuthority: Are we missing anyone? 

PaleAuthority: Don’t think so. Time to go. 

shieldbro: W H Y

shieldbro: yall know how far to the nearest gas station it is?

yeeshaw: get walking losers

-

6:25 PM

IsACoolDude: @justvibin Status update on Ghost.

justvibin: Very much alive, sir

IsACoolDude: They better be.

-

6:36 PM

murderisquiteok: can we go home yet

actualbabey: did you die for a second time

murderisquiteok: no

actualbabey: then no

actualbabey: we are going to continue on this trip and be a normal family

theangryone: we’re anything BUT that, ghost

actualbabey: better learn quick then

PaleAuthority: That’s so vague and ominous. 

PaleAuthority: But you know what? Don’t give enough of a shit to care lmao.

actualbabey: :)

-

7:10 PM

shieldbro: please come back ill behave i promise

yeeshaw: Dad keep driving 

yeeshaw: We corrected our mistake by leaving him

PaleAuthority: Hornet, it would be very irresponsible for me to continue driving whilst knowing we left someone behind.

PaleAuthority: That being said, it would also be a waste of gas to turn around. 

PaleAuthority: Get running, Tiso. 

shieldbro: fucking traitors

murderisquiteok: you called?

-

[Private messages between colosseumchampion and shieldbro]

colosseumchampion: want me to pick you up

shieldbro: yes pls

shieldbro: fucking pricks

colosseumchampion: theyre all tired of you and i dont blame them

-

7:27 PM 

nowdancefuckerdance: @thebestaccordionplayer @nyah Get in the fucking car

nyah: no >:(

actualbabey: friend! :D

nyah: coming

-

[Private messages between nowdancefuckerdance and PaleAuthority]

nowdancefuckerdance: If I just leave, will anyone notice?

PaleAuthority: Nah, they all have the attention span of tiktiks.

-

7:54 PM

[acutalbabey has added murderisquiteok and fuckyourfloors to HauntThisBitch]

[HauntThisBitch] 

actualbabey: what will it take for you both to ruin the trip to the museum 

fuckyourfloors: id do it for free

murderisquiteok: seconded

actualbabey: cool please do it

-

8:10 PM

[HallownestTexts] 

PaleAuthority: Have fun on this one, kids. I’ll be in the car having a drink. 

yeeshaw: Dad why

PaleAuthority: Soberness? Never heard of it. 

PaleAuthority: Anyways, enjoy yourselves! 

[PaleAuthority has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

theangryone: asshole

-

Ghost clapped in excitement as they stood in front of the wax museum. The tour guide had uttered some warning about the building being haunted, to which almost everyone had scoffed at. Ghost couldn’t wait. 

The wax figurines were creepy, to say the least. Tiso had been scared by one already after Quirrel had playfully jumped out with it. Monomon had clapped for her assistant, reveling in the atmosphere of the museum. 

“Bah. This place isn’t creepy at all!” Zote claimed, puffing out his chest as he stood in front of Bretta. “Fear not, my queen! I’ll protect you, lest the ghosts are scared of my might!”

“Th-thank you, Zote…,” Bretta muttered quietly. 

“You’re all a bunch of fucking wimps,” Oro snarked, glaring at a figure. 

“Coming from you?” God Tamer shot the Nailmaster a look, smirking. 

“Shut the fuck up!”

“Guys, look! A piano!” Tiso ran over to the mentioned instrument, grinning as he sat on the bench and hammered away at the keys. A cacophony of notes rang clear through the air. 

“Tiso! Stop that!” Hornet hissed. 

“‘Tiso, stop that!’” Tiso mimicked in a whiny tone, getting up. “Killjoy.”

Cloth shook her head, nodding at the signs that were meant to guide visitors through the museum. “Let’s just go…”

Ghost clapped again and ran off into the darkness, ignoring the several cries to stop. They turned the corner, seeing Xero flicker into sight nearby. They gave him a thumbs up and pretended to fall. Seconds later, the others came flying around the corner. 

“Ghost! Are you alright?” Quirrel asked, picking up the vessel tenderly. Ghost quivered as they pointed up. 

“What is it?” Hornet asked, looking at the ceiling. “There’s nothing there.”

The dim light above them flickered, then went out. Everyone froze. Bretta clung to Zote, whimpering softly. Tiso cackled loudly. 

“Ha! Nice one! Oohhh, I’m so scared!” He walked backwards, laughing as he began to taunt the supposed spirits. “Come and get me, ghosts!”

“Tiso?” Quirrel piped up, looking pale. 

“Do your worst! I bet you’re not even that scary!”

“Tiso.”

“I always knew ghosts never existed!” Tiso laughed again. He froze as something cold landed on his hood. His gaze went to the terrified expressions of the others and he slowly turned. “Oh, fuck-”

Floating in front of him was a pale ghost with a flowing blue cloak. They glared down at Tiso with a cold gaze and in their free hand, they held a long nail. A closer glance at the weapon showed it was goddamn bloodied. They blinked, then raised a hand to rest it on their face. “What was that about ghosts not existing?”

The spirit’s cold voice sent chills throughout Tiso. He tried to steel himself and placed his hands on his hips. “Yo-you’re don’t sc-scare me…!”

The spirit laughed, their cackles ringing through the air. They raised their nail. “We shall see about that, Tiso.” With that, they vanished into thin air. 

Silence. Ghost clapped and Hornet fixed them with a glare. 

-

The entire group was on edge now. Tiso had stayed silent since the encounter with the spirit. No other paranormal occurrences had happened since then, however, and that left everyone unnerved. 

Zote stormed past a wax figure, pushing it over. “Blasted things! Not even scary!”

“Zote. There are literal ghosts here, or did you forget that fucking part?” Oro snapped. 

Zote scoffed. “The spirits are hardly scary!”

“YES. THEY ARE,” Tiso almost yelled. 

Ghost patted Tiso as they walked next to him. They clapped and began to wave around. Some invisible force lifted them from the ground, throwing them into the air. 

“Well, Ghost’s as good as dead. Let’s leave.” Oro turned to go. His cloak was caught by Mato, who gave him a disapproving glare. The other Nailmaster stepped forward, clearing his throat with a smile. 

“Hello, spirits! It’s nice to meet you!” 

Quirrel was a wreck. On one hand, holy shit, ghosts were real. On the other, keep Ghost safe. Conjuring up his courage, he stepped forward as well. “Ye-yes. It’s a pleasure to see you and Ghost getting along. Bu-but can you please release them…? I-It would be terrible to see them get hurt.”

Ghost was still and it was as if the invisible spirit was thinking about it. Ghost was set back down and they pouted, wanting to be held again. Two ghosts manifested in front of him, one being the pale one from earlier and the other being Xero. The latter laughed at the group. 

“Did that really get you? Fucking wimps.” 

Hornet glowered at him. “Jerk.”

Xero winked at her. Markoth appeared behind him and held his smirk behind his hand. “Don’t blame us. Ghost asked.”

“And you said yes?” Tiso glared. 

“Of course we did. I wouldn’t give up a chance to scare you lot.”

The pale spirit turned to Markoth. “The hooded one talks a big game but is very easily scared.”

Tiso glared. “Am not!”

“Yes, you are,” Cloth muttered. 

Ghost waved at them to follow as they led the group to the exit. Grimm was waiting outside, an absolute mess of laughter. “You all looked so stupid!” He slapped his leg as he laughed. 

Brumm tapped the troupemaster gently. “Hrmmm… sir, you jumped at the first wax figure.”

Grimm stopped laughing, glaring down at Brumm. “Thank you, Brumm, for pointing that out.”

-

10:04 PM

PaleAuthority: Wow, you’re all wimps. 

PaleAuthority: More blackmail for me!

[fuckyourfloors has added gladeguardian to HallownestTexts] 

fuckyourfloors: at his request, i bring you Revek

shieldbro: who

gladeguardian: The guy you almost shit your pants in front of today

shieldbro: oh

shieldbro: no hard feelings right?

gladeguardian: Gods no. I’m gonna kill you for that

shieldbro: FUCKKJSSAJBDDJKASBJKSBAJ

thegreyprince: run bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revek- gladeguardian


	6. [murderisquiteok: murk him during breakfast]

12:05 AM

thegreatmind: ASCEND 

theangryone: words to live by

-

12:23 AM

QueenBretta: @thegreyprince please stop watching me sleep

thegreyprince: i cant help it youre too beautiful

fuckyourfloors: that was disgustingly cute

thegreyprince: mad cause youre single

murderisquiteok: we can change that

fuckyourfloors: mad cause its 12 in the morning and your loud ass is keeping me up

fuckyourfloor: also fuck off Xero

PaleAuthority: Get the fuck to bed. 

thegreyprince: snitch

-

1:41 AM

alwayswatching: *stares pensively*

br0ken: stop staring at me through my phone screen

alwayswatching: no

-

2:22 AM

forgeuntildawn: @thepaintmaster Please help

thepaintmaster: With?

[forgeuntildawn has sent an image]

thepaintmaster: @thegreyprince Start running.

forgeuntildawn: Please it’s been 2 hours

thegreyprince: WELL UPGRADE MY NAIL THEN

forgeuntildawn: It’s made out of shellwood

forgeuntildawn: It can only be downgraded

thegreyprince: not if youre not a fucking coward

PaleAuthority: Hey, what the fuck does this mean?

-

4:20 AM

thebeast: Ayyy

yeeshaw: MOTHER?????

-

[Private messages between thebeast and murderisquiteok]

thebeast: you have access to the chat logs right???

murderisquiteok: yeah why

thebeast: find out who that was earlier and you can help me murder them

murderisquiteok: deal

-

4:31 AM

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and thebeast]

murderisquiteok: it was lurien

thebeast: fucking called it

-

[Private messages between PaleAuthority and alwayswatching]

PaleAuthority: You do realize Herrah is going to whoop your ass, right?

alwayswatching: Yeah but I’m not sober enough to care

PaleAuthority: Fair enough.

-

5:21 AM

shieldbro: remembering that time quirrel made a romantic dinner for me

justwantstofight: Tiso, he made a frozen pizza for himself and you stole it from him

shieldbro: i do what i must to survive cloth

-

5:48 AM

[thebestaccordionplayer has sent an image]

thebestaccordionplayer: fucker stole my accordion

thebestaccordionplayer: cant have shit in hallownest

nowdancefuckerdance: Dramatic ass

-

6:10 AM

PaleAuthority: Blackmail time.

[PaleAuthority has sent a video]

PaleAuthority: Today’s victim is @theangryone

theangryone: well fuck you too

thefriendlyone: Saving that for my own uses

AintPaidEnough: I’d condone this, but I’m way too tired to care.

thegreyprince: *old

actualbabey: ho shit

AintPaidEnough: Start sprinting.

-

6:16 AM

AintPaidEnough: Got the fucker.

-

6:34 AM

IsACoolDude: @justvibin 

justvibin: SIR I ASSURE YOU YOUR CHILD IS ALIVE

actualbabey: no im not 

actualbabey: i died a long time ago

actualbabey: elderbug kill him

blind(ing)tree: I always knew you’d take after your father.

-

7:04 AM

[Private messages between thebeast and murderisquiteok]

thebeast: when do i strike?

murderisquiteok: murk him during breakfast

murderisquiteok: get the fucker when hes eating his cheerios

-

7:26 AM

[singingandmining has sent an image]

singingandmining: I think Lurien’s being murdered

PaleAuthority: Eh, he had it coming.

-

[Private messages between thebeast and murderisquiteok] 

thebeast: got him

thebeast: do you want a bloodied cheerio in celebration

murderisquiteok: yes pls

murderisquiteok: room 6 on the 2nd floor

thebeast: omw

-

7:33 AM

gladeguardian: Loving this group so far

gladeguardian: This is your normal, isnt it

PaleAuthority: Poor soul. 

PaleAuthority: Get used to it. 

br0ken: “normal” never existed in this group chat

-

7:42 AM

shieldbro: good morning my fellow idiots

yeeshaw: everyone here is smarter than you are

yeeshaw: even Gorb and that says something

thegreatmind: ;)

[fuckyourfloors has removed thegreatmind from HallownestTexts]

fuckyourfloors: fucking disgusting

-

8:07 AM

[nowdancefuckerdance has changed their name to burnthefather]

[nyah has changed their name to feedthechild]

itsforscience: This is some cult shit

-

8:23 AM

[yeeshaw has changed their name to fuckinglovetiso]

thebeast: Daughter?????

fuckinglovetiso: i lost a bet

-

8:46 AM 

PaleAuthority: I let this go on for too long.

PaleAuthority: Road trip’s over, we’re going home.

br0ken: killjoy

-

8:51 AM

[fuckinglovetiso has changed their name to yeeshaw]

shieldbro: damn

-

9:00 AM

[QueenBretta has sent an image]

thegreyprince: why

QueenBretta: I warned you

AintPaidEnough: Suffer.

-

9:09 AM

[murderisquiteok has added thegreatmind, sweetscythebro, and 1 more to HallownestTexts]

murderisquiteok: @fuckyourfloors fuck you i did it anyways

fuckyourfloors: do you do this just to spite me

murderisquiteok: you know it

-

[PaleAuthority has added norestforthewicked and sweetscythebro to ???]

PaleAuthority: Fuckin who are you?

norestforthewicked: No Eyes and Galien

norestforthewicked: We will do our duty and remute this chat. 

PaleAuthority: Cool.

-

9:31 AM

shieldbro: xero just downed a bottle of hot sauce

shieldbro: no wonder hes dead

murderisquiteok: fucking traitor

yeeshaw: Tiso you ate a chair once

shieldbro: what the hell was i supposed to do? not prove god tamer wrong

colosseumchampion: that’s exactly what you were supposed to do you fucking fool

shieldbro: disgusting

-

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and shieldbro]

murderisquiteok: [sent an image]

shieldbro: fucking do it

-

[murderisquiteok has sent an image]

shieldbro: FUCKING SNITCH

justvibin: tiso?????

actualbabey: gay little ant

yeeshaw: tisoquirrel activated

PaleAuthority: I’m go to smite all of you soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gorb- thegreatmind
> 
> Galien- sweetscythebro


	7. [thebeast: don’t forget arson]

11:18 AM

PaleAuthority: Stop having mail delivered to my office.

PaleAuthority: That’s for death threats and incoming checks only.

alwayswatching: wouldnt be surprised if they were all death threats

thebeast: you’re just that unlikable 

PaleAuthority: Well, fuck you too.

-

11:34 AM

[actualbabey has added thehollowknight to HallownestTexts]

actualbabey: sorry sibling

PaleAuthority: Ah, yes. The day Hollow is corrupted by the idiocy of this group.

[fuckpaleking has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

thehollowknight: father

PaleAuthority: Don’t worry, she can’t do shit lol.

fuckpaleking: fuck off

-

12:15 PM

itsforscience: OH SHIT IM LATE FOR SCHOOL

itsforscience: Oh yeah, I’m 36

[itsforscience has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

[itsforscience has unmuted HallownestTexts] 

itsforscience: SHIT IM THE TEACHER

yeeshaw: four panel storytelling

-

12:36 PM

thegreyprince: @IsACoolDude one of these days, Im going to record you so you can hear how loud you snore and why I cant fucking sleep

-

12:51 PM

thebeast: hmmm

thebeast: in a sudden murdery mood

murderisquiteok: what a coincidence 

murderisquiteok: so am I

PaleAuthority: I won’t be surprised if you’re both wanted in 73 different kingdoms for murder and/or petty theft.

thebeast: don’t forget arson

PaleAuthority: Oh, yes.

PaleAuthority: How silly of me.

[thebeast has changed PaleAuthority’s name to manletlmao]

[murderisquiteok has revoked admin powers from manletlmao]

thebeast: fucking smartass

-

1:05 PM

[actualbabey has changed manletlmao’s name to PaleAuthority]

[thehollowknight has restored PaleAuthority of admin powers]

shieldbro: fucking killjoys

thehollowknight: D:

PaleAuthority: Current hitlist: @thebeast, @murderisquiteok, @shieldbro 

PaleAuthority: Run while you can.

-

[thebeast has added shieldbro and murderisquiteok to FuckingRUn]

thebeast: normally I woulsnt do this

thebeast: but when that fucker tells you to run, you run

thebeast: so meet me outside the bank

shieldbro: yes maam, didnt doubt you for a second, omw

murderisquiteok: ^

-

1:13 PM

PaleAuthority: So.

PaleAuthority: Who wants to play tag?

PaleAuthority: We can discuss here. 

fuckyourfloors: Im down to hunt but wont they see this and plan ahead

PaleAuthority: Fair point.

actualbabey: dad make another gc but occasionally post vague pictures so they dont know whether they should be scared or not

PaleAuthority: …

PaleAuthority: I’m so proud to call you my child.

-

[PaleAuthority has added actualbabey, fuckyourfloors, and yeeshaw to Bitchbusters]

PaleAuthority: Gonna nab 2 more members and then we can hunt. 

yeeshaw: Isnt that unfair?

PaleAuthority: Lmao absolutely. 

PaleAuthority: Don’t give enough of a shit to change it though.

-

[thebeast has added gladeguardian, br0ken, and itsforscience to FuckingRUn]

thebeast: welcome soldiers. state your purpose 

gladeguardian: Pity

br0ken: spite

itsforscience: carnage

thebeast: welcome aboard

-

[PaleAuthority has added theangryone and burnthefather to Bitchbusters]

PaleAuthority: No mercy, ok?

burnthefather: Yessir

-

1:41 PM

[HallownestTexts]

thegreyprince: when you guys starting?

PaleAuthority: 2 PM.

PaleAuthority: Place your bets now. 

AintPaidEnough: Betting on Herrah because you cause chaos, Oro.

theangryone: why dad

fuckpaleking: Get his ass, Herrah

alwayswatching: Team PK because he didnt try to murder me during my breakfast

thebeast: you knew it was coming and didnt care

justvibin: Go, madam

justwantstofight: neutral

singingandmining: ^

thegreyprince: ^^

QueenBretta: Please dont hurt yourselves 

shieldbro: theres a very good chance we wont survive 

thebeast: very true

-

[Bitchbusters]

yeeshaw: everyone back off. Tiso’s mine

PaleAuthority: Get his ass, girl. 

PaleAuthority: Markoth, do you want Xero to yourself?

fuckyourfloors: whoever can hurt him the most can have him

burnthefather: I’m going after Monomon

PaleAuthority: Ok, so Tiso, Monomon, and possibly Xero are reserved.

PaleAuthority: I think we’re set. 

PaleAuthority: Let’s hunt some bitches.

-

[FuckingRUn]

shieldbro: game plan?

thebeast: dont get caught

thebeast: cheat whenever possible

thebeast: we have two ghosts

thebeast: do some ghostly shit

murderisquiteok: music to my eyes

gladeguardian: Cease to speak ever again


	8. [PaleAuthority: Ah, the joys of chaos.]

2:00 PM

[HallownestTexts] 

PaleAuthority: @thebeast You guys ready? 

thebeast: yep

PaleAuthority: On our way.

-

Herrah grinned as she saw the message go through. She placed her phone aside, turning to the rest of her group. They had used the 10-minute grace period as well as they could, coming up with a general plan to survive the next two hours. 

The rules given were simple: two hours to run, to survive, to live. No vehicles after the grace period. The hunting team would have access to a GPS after 10 minutes. It was a combined game of hide-and-seek and tag, if you will. 

Herrah observed her team. Monomon was smart and chaotic when she wanted to be. Broken was agile and just as intelligent as someone like Quirrel. Revek and Xero would be useful, having ghostly abilities they could use (Pale King never ruled them out, and he had a ghost on his team as well). Tiso, despite constantly being ridiculed for his… flaws, could fight and was rather good at being stealthy. 

Herrah nodded. They were going to win. 

-

The Pale King smiled to himself as he walked down the street, hands behind his back. Next to him, Grimm observed the scenery calmly. Hornet was visibly excited, gripping her needle and shifting it from hand to hand. Ghost skipped next to her. Oro and Markoth had vanished a few minutes ago, presumably to scour out the immediate area. 

“Father, I have the urge to hunt. Can I go?” Hornet asked, looking up at the King with a hopeful look. 

The Pale King nodded. “Go ahead, Hornet.” He held Ghost’s hand as Hornet cheered, running off. 

“Fucking finally. Let’s get this game started.” Oro stretched, then broke off from the group as well, following Hornet. Markoth simply chuckled as he vanished into thin air. 

The game began uneventfully. The first half hour was simply searching and hiding. At 2:41, the message came through. 

yeeshaw: found him

[yeeshaw has sent an image]

shieldbro: oh shit

-

“Get back here, Tiso!” 

Tiso sprinted down the crowded city streets, weaving through bugs and cars. He couldn’t see Hornet, but he could hear her taunts behind him. 

A needle embedded itself in the concrete next to Tiso and he shrieked as Hornet dropped in front of him. He scrambled away as Hornet laughed. “I’m gonna get you, Tiso!”

“Go away!” Tiso pleaded. He threw a glance behind him, seeing the flash of red and white before he crashed into someone else. Looking up, he gave a sigh of relief as he saw the familiar figure of Monomon. She had a crazed grin and held two leftover explosives. 

“Run, Tiso. Monomon’s been way too relaxed for too long.” She lit one of the fuses. Tiso scrambled to his feet and sprinted down the street again, jumping the park fence in the process. 

Hornet watched him go, facing Monomon. She cackled in sheer glee. “You can run, but you can’t hide, Tiso! I’ll always find you!”

-

Oro was determined. If there was one game he’d win, it was this one. He stalked through the city streets, searching for his targets. 

Broken stepped out from the crowd in front of him. Oro smirked down at the vessel. “Well. Looks like I’ve found one of you.”

Broken waved at him, then turned and dashed down the sidewalk. They flashed Oro a small, smug wave and vanished down an alley. 

“He-hey! Get back here!” Oro dashed after them quickly, determined not to lose the vessel in all the commotion. 

-

[HallownestTexts] 

[PaleAuthority has sent an image]

PaleAuthority: Coming for you, Herrah.

thebeast: not near the park 

thebeast: nice try

-

[FuckingRUn]

shieldbro: HELP 

shieldbro: SHES COMING FOR ME

thebeast: where are you?

shieldbro: PARK

thebeast: omw

murderisquiteok: guys I havent seen anyone in a while where tf are you all

br0ken: being chased

thebeast: Xero come with me and we’ll screw with the others

murderisquiteok: omw

-

[Bitchbusters]

PaleAuthority: Hornet, did you get him yet?

yeeshaw: not yet Father

PaleAuthority: Finish him.

actualbabey: dad monomons being crazy pls help :(

burnthefather: Dw Im coming 

theangryone: shut the fuck up im chasing someone and my phones turning into a mini vibrator in my pocket 

-

3:00

One hour to go. One hour and they’d win. One hour and this would all be over. 

Tiso wasn’t sure he’d survive that long. He had completely exhausted himself and Hornet was still out for his head. He bunched his knees to his chest, leaning against the branches of the tree to try and make himself look smaller. He was fucked. 

“Oh, Tiso!” Hornet’s singsongy voice rang out and Tiso froze. “Come on out, Tiso!”

“Chaos!” Monomon yelled as she chucked another explosive near Hornet. The lithe spider jumped to avoid it, hissing at the Teacher. Monomon cackled again as she lit another fuse. 

“Tiso!” The voice made Tiso jump. He looked around and spotted Herrah lurking in another tree nearby. The mother was grinning and held her large needle. Next to her, Xero floated idly, keeping an eye out for anyone. 

“What do I do?!” Tiso hissed, trying to keep his voice down. Another explosion went off as Monomon chucked another one at Hornet. 

Herrah smirked and motioned for him to be quiet. Xero disappeared from sight and Herrah jumped down from the tree. 

“Fucking get them!” 

Broken ran into the park, Oro hot on their trail. They tackled Hornet to the ground, playfully slapping her cloak with their hand. Hornet yelped softly as she tried to bat the vessel off. 

Grimm teleported onto the scene and immediately went after Monomon, trying to wrangle the explosives out of her grasp. The Pale King was watching from a distance, videoing everything. Xero reappeared above Oro, ready to strike him with the hilt of his nail, only to be put into a chokehold by Markoth, who suddenly appeared behind him. 

Tiso watched from his position in the tree. Hornet caught his gaze and he paled as she threw Broken off of her, trying to scramble up to him. Ghost pulled on Hornet’s arm, trying to stop her. 

Herrah stood next to the Pale King, laughing at the scene. She gazed at him. “Truce?”

The Pale King nodded, stopping the recording. “Truce. Are we going to show this to the others?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

-

4:00 PM

[HallownestTexts]

[PaleAuthority has sent a video]

PaleAuthority: Ah, the joys of chaos. 

yeeshaw: Dad please I almost had him

shieldbro: leave me alone please 

yeeshaw: not yet, Tiso

yeeshaw: not yet


	9. [fuckyourfloors: run them over]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna up the rating to mature to be safe :]

1:15 AM

fuckpaleking: Rise and shine, motherfuckers

burnthefather: Please

burnthefather: Not now

PaleAuthority: Blunt as always, I see. 

fuckpaleking: Stfu

-

2:03 AM

br0ken: are we going to ignore that

actualbabey: absolutely now get back in bed im cold

thehollowknight: do you want me to give you my blanket

actualbabey: yes pls :D

IsACoolDude: Purity, huh?

IsACoolDude: I miss that feeling. 

thegreyprince: mourn later, sleep now

QueenBretta: Zote turn your brightness down please. It’s like a mini Radiance is shining in my eyes

PaleAuthority: *squinting intensifies*

-

2:17 AM

murderisquiteok: @fuckyourfloors can i borrow your car

fuckyourfloors: what happened to yours

murderisquiteok: totaled somewhere

murderisquiteok: was on my way to the store for more alcohol, we ran out

fuckyourfloors: sure, bring me back some too 

-

2:28 AM

thehollowknight: father i request some of this drink

thehollowknight: i would like some alcohol

thehollowknight: it sounds like a cough syrup

PaleAuthority: Over my dead fucking body.

thehollowknight: :[

-

2:47 AM

justvibin: @shieldbro Get out of the fridge

yeeshaw: he’s like a goddamn raccoon

shieldbro: im hungry

shieldbro: what am i supposed to do

shieldbro: starve?

justwantstofight: yes

-

2:55 AM

PaleAuthority: Ghost.

actualbabey: but father

actualbabey: i wanna be like tiso

PaleAuthority: Exactly.

-

3:06 AM

gladeguardian: @itsforscience Out of curiosity

gladeguardian: If I were to drink a soda and then have some of those mints

gladeguardian: Would I explode

itsforscience: I’m not too sure what you’re currently on

itsforscience: But I want some. On my way

-

4:18 AM

thefriendlyone: do any of you actually sleep?

thefriendlyone: you’re constantly up during both night and day

thefriendlyone: what do you run off of?

IsACoolDude: Once you hit your 50s, sleep is but a wish.

AintPaidEnough: We run off of pettiness.

burnthefather: Ah

burnthefather: That explains a lot @fuckpaleking

fuckpaleking: IM GETTING REAL TIRED OF YOUR SHIT

-

5:01 AM

itsforscience: Sadly, one does not explode if they consume the forbidden combo

alwayswatching: only you would preceed that sentence with “sadly”

itsforscience: I do what I must, Lurien

-

5:25 AM

[fuckpaleking has added gimmepower to HallownestTexts]

fuckpaleking: I tolerate you more than anyone else here

gimmepower: truly a blessing

justwantstofight: a h

-

6:06 AM

PaleAuthority: Is today going to be another blackmail day or will someone finally be a brave soul and sacrifice their dignity?

fuckyourfloors: todays another blackmail day

fuckyourfloors: i will keep my dignity, thank you very much

thegreyprince: ^

actualbabey: ^^

thehollowknight: ^^^

PaleAuthority: HOLLOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BACK ME UP

thehollowknight: father you refused me my drink

thehollowknight: so you must pay the price

PaleAuthority: Traitor.

PaleAuthority: @murderisquiteok I see you typing. Say it and you’re the victim.

murderisquiteok: yessir sorry sir I will be taking my leave now

-

7:10 AM

PaleAuthority: Blackmail day is postponed because I’m apparently a shitty father.

burnthefather: You ARE a shitty father

burnthefather: There is no denying that

feedthechild: yay dads!: :D

feedthechild: i love my dad! :)

thebestaccordionplayer: we don’t deserve you, Grimmchild

IsACoolDude: What did you do to earn the “Shitty Father” title?

thehollowknight: he took my chocolate milk

thehollowknight: now my cereal is milkless D:

IsACoolDude: How dare he.

IsACoolDude: Time for a walk through the neighborhood.

norestforthewicked: Do you purposely go 5 mph in crosswalks and silently laugh at the misery you cause the cars, knowing they’ll be late for work because you decided to be old?

IsACoolDude: You better believe I do.

shieldbro: man you elderly are such a treasure to this world

[IsACoolDude has added MrMushroom and DonutGrandpa to HallownestTexts]

IsACoolDude: Fellas, we’re going to get some milk. Get your walkers.

thehollowknight: can I come

IsACoolDude: Absolutely, every group of elderly need their bored teen.

thehollowknight: :D

-

8:35 AM

fuckyourfloors: Xero where the fuck is my tea

murderisquiteok: i’d be home sooner if the elderly didnt want to cause misery

fuckyourfloors: run them over

fuckyourfloors: theyre almost dead anyways

shieldbro: there is so much wrong with that jfc

-

9:01 AM

thehollowknight: @PaleAuthority i got my chocolate milk no thanks to you >:(

PaleAuthority: I’m in a real shitty mood, kid.

thehollowknight: no excuse

thehollowknight: my breakfast is delayed by 2 hours because of your bad mood

br0ken: oh the horror

-

10:00 AM

actualbabey: can someone help me make pizza

justvibin: It’s 10 in the morning

justvibin: brunch just started

actualbabey: dont care

actualbabey: hungry for pizza

actualbabey: i broke into a pizzeria and rented it out for free 

yeeshaw: how’d you manage that

actualbabey: being cute

-

10:10 AM

actualbabey: guys please i am starving

actualbabey: it can be a competition! :D

actualbabey: whoever makes the best pizza wins! :]

PaleAuthority: What do they win? 

actualbabey: uh i’ll get to that when we cross that bridge

PaleAuthority: Good enough.

-

As it turns out, Ghost had managed to snag the pizzeria for the morning using nothing but their charm. It shouldn’t have been surprising, but it somehow was. Ghost never ceased to amaze. 

Broken immediately decided they liked their team. Hollow, Hornet, Cloth, Quirrel, Monomon, and Myla. Monomon was only there because “every team needed an adult”. Fair enough, they supposed. 

Broken flattened out the dough with their hands, having no rolling pin to properly do it. They had one when they started, but it was currently being used by Myla, and they didn’t want to disturb her to ask for it back, so they made do. 

Compared to the other kitchens, Broken’s was more on the laid back side. Without Tiso, there was no one to cause problems. Everything was smooth sailing, and would continue to be so. Broken nodded as they finished their circular design, hopping off the stool to search for the tomato sauce. 

-

“I’m going to deep-fry your head soon if you don’t shut the fuck up!” Oro snapped at Zote, gripping the rolling pin with such intensity that it began to crack. Zote ignored him, rambling on to Bretta about whatever the fuck it was he was rambling about. 

Oro’s eye twitched and he slammed the pizza oven door shut. Mato gave him a small look. “Oro, please don’t break anything. We’d have to pay for it.”

Their team was doing ok. It consisted of the three brothers, Sly, Zote, Bretta, and Lurien, who was doing nothing but watching in typical Lurien fashion. Sheo smiled softly in sympathy as he sprinkled cheese onto the pizza. 

“It could be worse,” he said rationally. He had done a phenomenal job at his pizza. Cooking, he said, was just as much an art as painting. Sheo approached the pizza oven and slipped his pizza inside. 

Oro had to admit, Sheo was right about that. It could be way worse.

-

Herrah was laughing her ass off. God, her team was a mess and nothing short. It was like a comedy show and all she had to do was sit back and relax.

Tiso popped the cork off a bottle of tequila. He held it up to Xero. “Dare you to chug it!”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Markoth warned as he aggresively rolled out the dough. Xero looked him in the eye and did exactly as Tiso said, causing him to sigh in annoyance. 

Revek was at peace, ignoring the chaos as he blissfully prepared his pizza. Ghost was a blur of chaotic destruction, grabbing spices like sugar and cinnamon and dumping them on their pizza. 

“Ghost, that’s not what you put on a pizza,” Herrah called out, hiding a smirk. Ghost ignored her, clapping at their abomination of a pizza. They staggered over to the oven. 

Tiso hadn’t started on his pizza, choosing instead to fool around with Xero, who had given up long ago. Herrah was willing to bet money the two were related. Fools, both of them. Nearby, Markoth was done and silently seething near the oven, watching the tomfuckery happen. 

“15 minutes!” Grimm called from the dining area. He leaned back, crossing his leg and talking with the Pale King. Brumm was in a booth nearby, entertaining Grimmchild with a few games on his phone whilst he played his trusty accordion. 

“Tiso, Xero, stop fooling around and get your damn pizzas in the fucking oven!” Markoth yelled, throwing the backup frozen pizzas at the two. He knew this would happen. He fucking called it. 

Tiso grabbed his pizza, sneering at the moth. “Ok, dad. Geez.”

Herrah laughed to herself. They were so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traitor Lord- gimmepower 
> 
> MrMushroom- self explanatory
> 
> Elder Hu- DonutGrandpa


	10. [relicseeker: Tiso you’re a dead bug walking]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I didn’t forget about Lemm-

12:04 PM

[HallownestTexts]

relicseeker: Is Tiso making a frozen pizza?????

thebeast: yes

thebeast: he fucked his up so much that we needed a backup

shieldbro: i couldve eaten it

thebeast: you put inedible stuff on that damn pizza

shieldbro: at least i had one

shieldbro: cough xero cough

murderisquiteok: you try tasting anything after downing a bottle of tequila

murderisquiteok: it changes bro

thefriendlyone: see oro? could be worse

theangryone: but not much better 

-

Lemm walked into the pizzeria with a sigh. He crossed the room, sitting down next to Grimm and fanning away the slight smoke coming from the kitchens. “How did this event start, huh?”

The Pale King gave him a small look. “You weren’t keeping up with the chat?”

Lemm snorted. “Hell no. I muted that hellspawn as soon as I had the chance.”

Grimm sipped his tea. “Smart. Well, Ghost was hungry for pizza, and because we can’t do anything normal around here, they turned it into a competition.”

“Who’s winning?”

“Obviously, Monomon’s group,” Brumm commented from nearby, playing a somber tune. “They have no setbacks.”

The Pale King nodded in agreement. He ducked to avoid the pan that came flying from the kitchens. “It seems like there’s multiple counts of murder going on back there.”

Lemm stood up, wanting to see the destruction for himself. The Higher Beings were correct in their guesses. The first kitchen was peaceful, the bugs all cooking and working together. Hollow wordlessly directed them and the other six followed their orders. 

The second kitchen wasn’t as steady, but they were making some progress. Oro was dunking Zote in a sink while Bretta watched with concern. Sheo was joyfully decorating the pizzas with toppings. Mato and Sly were handling the dishes while Lurien did his duty of simply watching. 

Lemm couldn’t help but cackle when he entered the final kitchen. Herrah was having the time of her life, laughing at the chaos. There was a fucking fire somehow and Tiso was frantically scrambling to put it out. Ghost was trying to help and carried small handful after handful to the fire, albeit none of the water made it to the fire in the end. Markoth was extremely pissed and it showed, the moth filling buckets like his life depended on it (which it kind of did). Xero was electing to ignore the fire and chose to instead play with the various unused spices. Revek was also ignoring the damage and was idly watching next to Herrrah. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Lemm muttered, slapping his forehead. He turned to leave. Behind him, Tiso grabbed a small pan of clear liquid. He gazed at it. Water was clear, right? Good enough. He took it to the fire and splashed it onto the burning oven. The fire flared up and Tiso swore. 

“That was oil, you fucking idiot!” Markoth yelled at him. Herrah was leaning on the counter for support, laughing harder. 

Lemm walked back out into the dining area, sitting down. “I cannot wait to see the outcome of this day.”

-

Grimm smirked at the pizzas in front of him. They all looked good, including the third one, but that was because it was made by Revek and he had made sure to salvage his pizza before the chaos began. 

The Pale King, on the other hand, wanted to laugh at Lemm’s misfortune. Of course, between the best and worst selections, Lemm got the worst. It wouldn’t have been bad if it didn’t also include Tiso’s abomination. 

The Pale King himself got to pick his selection. Quirrel, Mato, and Ghost’s pizzas were in front of him. Despite the ingredients like cinnamon and marshmallows on Ghost’s, it didn’t look all too bad. 

The teams were all seated at the tables. Herrah was still red in the face from laughing and had had multiple glasses of water thus far. Monomon and Lurien were besides her, Lurien watching intently. If he foresaw everything correctly, they should win, even with Zote’s pizza being the worst of the bunch. 

Monomon was mostly bored. She knew Hollow was an amazing cook, and while Hornet’s wasn’t all that bad, it couldn’t be as nightmarish as Tiso’s. 

“If I get food poisoning, I’m killing you from the grave,” Lemm snapped at Tiso. 

“Yes sir,” came the nervous reply. Herrah laughed again. He was very, very fucked. 

-

2:12 PM

relicseeker: Tiso you’re a dead bug walking 

actualbabey: im so glad you liked my lunch dad 

PaleAuthority: It wasn’t that bad. 

burnthefather: You’ve all made Tiso very sad 

singingandmining: And Lemm seems to be mad

justvibin: Can’t we all be glad?

yeeshaw: oh Quirrel, there’s still fun left to be had 

shieldbro: guys stop im very smad 

thegreyprince: that’s not a word 

itsforscience: Of it, I've never heard

thepaintmaster: Are we rhyming at this hour? 

thefriendlyone: Oro, join it, no need to be sour!

fuckpaleking: get in on this @gimmepower

gimmepower: all the king does is cower

br0ken: oooh! one can cook eggs with that fire

thehollowknight: calm down, this problem is all but dire

AintPaidEnough: All Lurien does is sit in his spire

fuckyourfloors: Isn't it about time you retire

theangryone: fuck off mark-moth

actualbabey: guys wait we’re missing cloth :0

justwantstofight: rhyming with friends is so much fun!

murderisquiteok: committed an act of arson, i’m on the run

IsACoolDude: Well, this went from 0 to 100 real quick.

thebestaccordionplayer: I, for one, think Zote’s a dick

QueenBretta: Dont insult him, thats not kind

blind(ing)tree: Dear, I’m sure he doesn’t mind

feedthechild: guys im tired, can i sleep 

thebeast: lurien needs to add to this heap

sweetscythebro: make it good, we’re counting on you

norestforthewicked: No pressure, lets the words ring true

gladeguardian: Can we hurry this along? This is hurting my head

thegreatmind: ASCEND

colosseumchampion: what he said

actualbabey: RHYME FOR US LURIEN

alwasywatching: ...

alwayswatching: um

alwayswatching: orange

PaleAuthority: HAHAHAHA.

actualbabey: you ruined the train…

br0ken: such a disappointment

relicseeker: Thank fuck its over

relicseeker: I'm going to bed

shieldbro: i hope you fall and hit your head

relicseeker: SHUT UP WE’RE NOT RHYMING ANYMORE


	11. [colossuemchampion: anyone wanna rob a bank with me?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1,000 hits... on a chatfic? I’m amazed lol
> 
> Midwife- hungry?  
> Pale Lurker- imfuckingcrazy  
> Eternal Emilita- bestbitch

10:26 PM

[thebeast has added hungry? to HallownestTexts]

[colossuemchampion has added imfuckingcrazy to HallownestTexts]

PaleAuthority: When did this become the “add whoever the fuck we want” hour?

[actualbabey has added bestbitch to HallownestTexts]

actualbabey: emilita :D

bestbitch: fuck off kid

actualbabey: i am not a kid

actualbabey: i am THE kid

AintPaidEnough: Ah, yes. The collective intelligence of this group falters once more.

imfuckingcrazy: and youre the one bringing it down

shieldbro: god i like you already

-

11:11 PM

hungry?: someone shoplift me a snickers

hungry?: too lazy to do it myself

murderisquiteok: omw

-

11:21 PM

yeeshaw: Mother am I allowed to let Xero in

thebeast: does he have a snickers

yeeshaw: yes

thebeast: let him in, Midwife needs her sustenance 

-

12:00 AM

colosseumchampion: anyone wanna rob a bank with me?

actualbabey: me! :D

actualbabey: dads asleep so he wont know

br0ken: until he sees that message, that is

br0ken: he had 5 melatonin, hes out cold, lets go

relicseeker: I hate all of you immensely

-

[Private messages between shieldbro and justwantstofight]

shieldbro: cloth what do i do to make this date interesting

justwantstofight: i dont know, make it mysterious???

-

[Private messages between justvibin and shieldbro]

justvibin: So where are we going for the date?

shieldbro: none of your fucking business

-

12:12 AM

colosseumchampion: last call for bank robbery

shieldbro: busy

theangryone: busy

murderisquiteok: literally dead but omw

imfuckingcrazy: mentally dead but omw

thegreyprince: morally dead but omw

bestbitch: emotionally dead but omw

relicseeker: The fuck is wrong with all of you?

-

[colossuemchampion has added actualbabey, br0ken, and 4 more to BankRobbingBitches]

colossuemchampion: ghost and broken, are you sure your dad is ok with this. dont wanna get arrested for kidnapping charges

actualbabey: yeah look

[actualbabey has sent an image]

actualbabey: in his own hand language :D

imfuckingcrazy: that just says “yes :D”

colossuemchampion: eh good enough

bestbitch: if the police show up, just tell them he was blackout drunk

-

12:30 AM

[HallownestTexts]

PaleAuthority: Funny for you to assume I sleep at all lmao.

PaleAuthority: @colosseumchampion Rob that bank with my children and you will die. 

colosseumchampion: with all due respect, you saw the gc

colossuemchampion: we’re all dead in one way or another

colossuemchampion: might as well go out with style 

PaleAuthority: @everyone You guys wanna watch this live? I have a large flatscreen at home just itching to be used. 

burnthefather: Hell yeah. Brumm, get in the car.

thebestaccordionplayer: Shall I bring popcorn?

burnthefather: Bring it all

burnthefather: This’ll be good

-

The initial plan was simple: act like an innocent family until the clock struck 1. God Tamer would guard the hostages with Pale Lurker and Zote while Broken, Ghost, Xero, and Emilita stole the money. Emilita originally wanted to guard, but God Tamer had told her she’d simply attract more attention by bitching.

The group’s weapons were hidden beneath the cloaks of Broken, Ghost, and Xero. Zote had the bags hidden under his. There was no need for masks- they were all identifiable as fuck and if they were going to get arrested, might as well have the world know their names. 

God Tamer strutted inside, waiting near the side. Emilita, coming in last, closed the doors, slipping a lock over the handles. Ghost reached for the Nerf pistol they had bought, loading foam bullets into it. Nobody trusted them with an actual weapon. Broken gripped their small Nerf revolver to their side.

Truth be told, none of them had any life-threatening weapons on them. All of them were either fake replicas or disguised toys. Xero tossed God Tamer a toy machine gun that was simply painted black. Emilita was armed with twin pistols while Zote had a revolver as well. Xero had a fake sniper rifle and Pale Lurker had fake daggers rather than a gun. 

“Are you recording?” God Tamer asked Broken. They nodded and adjusted the Go-Pro on their cloak. The others wanted a show. They’d get a performance. With a nod, God Tamer whirled around, pointing her toy at anyone. “Get on the fucking ground!”

Screams rang out as the other six members followed suit. Zote and Pale Lurker got to work, shouting threats at the hostages while God Tamer threatened the bank tellers. The remaining four bugs snuck into the back to head to the downstairs vault. 

Broken pried the vault open with the help of Emilita, revealing the money inside. Ghost opened their bag and began to stuff stacks of Geo into it. Xero followed their lead, filling his bag quickly and guarding the door while Emilita and Broken finished stuffing the Geo inside their bags. 

“Go, go, go!” Emilita hissed, motioning for the others to follow as she headed for the stairs. Broken helped Ghost with their bag as the vessel sprinted to the door. God Tamer noticed and nodded to her associates, backing away with her gun still aimed. She smirked as she saw one citizen pull out their cell phone sneakily. Stealthy, but not stealthy enough to miss her gaze. She let it go. They wanted the police to come, right?

Her wish was granted as they began to flee to their getaway vehicle. Throwing the bags in the trunk, the seven piled in, with Emilita flipping one officer off as Xero put the car into drive and sped away. 

-

“This is top-tier footage,” Grimm commented as he watched the TV. The robbers, their friends, were currently being chased by several police cars. 

“Such colorful language they have,” Lemm muttered, covering Grimmchild’s ears at the long strings of curses coming from Emilita and God Tamer. 

“Do you think they’ll be caught?” Myla asked with worry, gripping her ice cream cone with concern. 

“Nah. They’re a smart bunch, that lot.” Grimm leaned back in the leather recliner. “And with Xero driving, they’ll certainly lose the cops within time.”

-

12:50 AM 

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and fuckyourfloors]

[murderisquiteok has sent an image]

murderisquiteok: RUNNING FROM THE FEDS LOL

Markoth didn’t know what to think when receiving that message. He had muted the group chat to relax and try to actually sleep. Apparently, he had neglected to tell Xero this fact. The last thing he expected to see was an image of Xero and six others fucking running from what must’ve been 15 police cars. 

Markoth squinted at the image. Was that Ghost and Zote? What the fuck? The moth sighed and got out of bed, trudging to the living room to turn on the TV. 

“Did they seriously rob a fucking bank?” he asked aloud, staring at the live report happening as they documented the chase via helicopter. Good gods. He had idiots for friends. 

-

“TURN THE FUCK ON! MOVE, GODDAMMIT!” Emilita screamed at the boat, jostling the steering wheel in annoyance. Xero had crashed their car in a last-ditch attempt to lose the cops. When that had failed, the group had hijacked a speedboat. 

Broken gazed at her calmly and flicked the switch on. Emilita clenched her fists as the boat sputtered to life. “Do-Don’t just stare at me! Punch it!” 

Broken did exactly that and the boat sped across the water. Zote sneered at the cops as they pulled up at the beach. “Losers!”

The noise of a helicopter made them look up. “Shit,” Pale Lurker commented at the searchlights that focused on the group. 

“Broken! Go faster!” God Tamer commanded. The vessel nodded and did as they were told, performing a few evasive maneuvers in the process. 

Somehow, through all the turmoil they had gone through, the camera Broken wore was still functioning, which meant the footage was still being displayed on the Pale King’s TV. By now, most of the group had arrived, the only exceptions being Sly, Elderbug and the rest of his elderly posse, and the pair of Sheo and Nailsmith. Revek showing up was a surprise, even more so as the ghost seemed to be on the edge of his seat, mesmerized with the TV. 

Grimmchild had fallen asleep in Grimm’s warm cloak, nuzzling their father with a small purr. Lemm had gone home, as did Herrah, though Hornet remained, wanting to see the outcome. The Pale King was mostly unconcerned. God Tamer said they’d be done by 1:30, which was in 10 minutes. 

The champion didn’t fail to keep her word. At 1:29, the footage cut out and there was a knock on the door. Grimm answered it to see the seven bugs all there, disheveled and dirited but alive. 

“We did it.” God Tamer said with pride. 

“Where’s the money?” Brumm asked from behind Grimm. 

“We left it with the boat.” Emilita jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “The cops can stop bitching.”

Grimm nodded and let them inside. Most of the group had either fallen asleep or was on the verge of doing so. The Pale King had passed out, knowing his children had returned. Ghost didn’t hesitate to pass out as well.

-

[HallownestTexts]

8:01 AM

shieldbro: best. night. ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna dial it down on the intense action chapters. Maybe. There’s a few romantic chapters planned ahead.


	12. [shieldbro: gotta pick out roses for quirrel and im sad and lonely and have little friends]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this begins the romance chapters! There’ll be two or three of these and then the shitposting continues. 
> 
> This is a little late because my career school closes on Wednesdays and I got to go home early, which resulted in some procrastination.

9:48 AM

bestbitch: wake up bitches

-

11:14 AM

thefriendlyone: Do you expect anyone to be up early after yesterday

bestbitch: yes

-

1:30 PM

actualbabey: tired

br0ken: tired

PaleAuthority: Tired. 

thepaintmaster: Sleep.

shieldbro: lol imagine sleeping

actualbabey: ^

thehollowknight: ^^

PaleAuthority: ^^^

yeeshaw: it’s a slow day…

-

4:21 PM

thebeast: no “aye”?

alwayswatching: im too tired

-

5:50 PM

br0ken: dad whats for dinner

PaleAuthority: Find something.

-

7:10 PM

burnthefather: brumm can you turn off my radio 

thebestaccordionplayer: On my way

-

9:21 PM

justvibin: Did you all really waste the day sleeping

PaleAuthority: Yes.

-

[Private messages between shieldbro and justvibin]

shieldbro: can we postpone our date to tomorrow 

shieldbro: im about to pass out

justvibin: Sure!

shieldbro: cool see you in two days

-

7:13 AM

actualbabey: nobody acknowledge the fact that most of us slept through an entire day

justvibin: Tiso’s sleeping for two

yeeshaw: oh good. I’m free for once

PaleAuthority: Don’t get used to it, Hornet. 

PaleAuthority: He’ll return and we’ll collectively groan at once. 

[burnthefather has changed their name to nowdancefuckerdance]

[feedthechild has changed their name to nyah]

nowdancefuckerdance: It got boring

-

7:33 AM

colosseumchampion: @imfuckingcrazy wanna make out?

imfuckingcrazy: yeah

murderisquiteok: @fuckyourfloors why cant we be like that

fuckyourfloors: we are not dating

fuckyourfloors: i do not like you

murderisquiteok: give it time

murderisquiteok: it’ll happen

fuckyourfloors: if i have anything to say about it, it won’t

murderisquiteok: rude

-

8:10 AM

thegreyprince: @QueenBretta 

[thegreyprince has sent an image]

justvibin: Zote are you aware that ivory roses mean you’re showing the person appreciation without romantic intention?

thegreyprince: now how the fuck was i supposed to know that

thegreyprince: i gotta burn these now

thebeast: ??? don’t burn them

thegreyprince: THEY ARE A FALSEHOOD

QueenBretta: Zote, ily and all, but please dont burn the roses

QueenBretta: They match your shell color :)

thegreyprince: well shit i gotta keep them now

actualbabey: romance??? in my group chat???

-

[Private messages between shieldbro and justwantstofight]

shieldbro: cloth what color roses do i get quirrel

justwantstofight: now how am i supposed to know?

shieldbro: youre no help

-

[Private messages between shieldbro and murderisquiteok]

shieldbro: yo x are you dating markoth

murderisquiteok: no, why

shieldbro: you wanna come shopping with me

shieldbro: gotta pick out roses for quirrel and im sad and lonely and have little friends

murderisquiteok: who’d you ask first

shieldbro: cloth but she wasnt helping. hornet would not reply and im not taking ghost

shieldbro: also you seem sad and lonely too. i feel the vibes of a depressed lonely bug

murderisquiteok: fucking ouch 

murderisquiteok: gimme a moment though

-

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and thepaintmaster]

murderisquiteok: sheo can you help us pick out some romantic shit, we need an artist so we don’t buy roses that mean “i want to fucking kill you”

thepaintmaster: Oddly specific but sure. I wanted to buy some things for Nailsmith anyways.

-

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and thegreyprince]

murderisquiteok: wanna join the “trying to get a date” squad?

thegreyprince: i’d refuse but been at a loss for ideas so ok

-

[murderisquiteok has added shieldbro, thepaintmaster, and 1 more to Lonely™]

shieldbro: ah

thepaintmaster: Lonely? Aw…

shieldbro: its ok sheo youre the only one here qualified to disagree

shieldbro: now lets go get some dates

-

Sheo tapped on the steering wheel, humming to the joyful tune that played as he drove. He had to pick up Zote first, then Tiso, then Xero. Zote was waiting outside of his and Bretta’s small half-house. Their small porch was decorated in flowers, probably Bretta’s doing. It was spring after all.

Zote climbed into the front, moving the seat up so he could see out the window. He adjusted his thin coat and said nothing as Sheo pulled away. Tiso didn’t live very far from Zote, his apartment building being a mere eight minutes away. He waved to Sheo as he clambered into the back seat. 

“Are you ready?” Sheo asked, throwing a glance back at Tiso as he used the red light to pull up Xero’s address. 

“A bit nervous,” Tiso admitted, adjusting his hood. 

“It’s just shopping,” Zote commented. “Nothing to be scared about.”

Sheo smiled. “It’s alright to be nervous, Tiso! We all get a little scared sometimes!” He turned onto the right road, gazing at the apartment complexes. “Oh, dear…” he trailed off as he slowed the car down so as to not interrupt the pair of red-clad bugs arguing off to the side. 

The three only watched awkwardly as Xero gestured to the car. Markoth’s gaze went to them and he gave no indication to argue further, simply turning away. Xero joined them, sitting next to Tiso with a slight huff. 

“What was-” Zote began.

“Don’t even talk about it,” Xero muttered. “Just go.”

Sheo did just that, turning the joyous music back up in an attempt to lighten the mood. It seemed to work as Tiso sang obnoxiously to the music. Sheo smiled as Xero joined in and even Zote couldn’t resist the tune. It was always nice knowing everyone could enjoy themselves. 

The car pulled up at the mall and Sheo stopped the car. He got out with the other three and the group walked in together. The mall was a crowded mess, bugs of all shapes and sizes walking around as they shopped and talked. 

“According to this map, the flower shop is on the second floor,” Sheo commented as he pointed out the mentioned shop. He nodded at an escalator. “Let’s go.”

“I am above you all!” Zote exclaimed as he rose higher and higher, courtesy of the machine. Tiso rolled his eyes and Sheo smiled, stepping off as he led the group to the flower shop. 

“Welcome!” A pair of bugs manned the counter. One was a mantis, her hand intertwined with her partner’s, a grey bug with hair that covered her face. “Enjoy your time here!”

“Thank you!” Sheo smiled at the couple as he headed over to the rose selection. There were roses of all colors, including black. “Now, we want to avoid black. That means death.”

Tiso picked out a bouquet of yellow roses. “What about yellow?” 

“That typically means friendship, according to this.” Xero held up a small sheet that listed what the colors meant. Tiso took it from him, scanning through the colors. 

Zote, on the other hand, was searching for grey roses. He found them on the top shelf and thought to himself. He remembered seeing the meaning before, how the color represented sophistication and practicality. Strong and mysterious... he was both of those things!

A hand placed itself on his shoulder and Zote looked up. Sheo smiled knowingly. “Remember, we’re here for others. Think about Bretta. What do you see in her? That’s the color you want.”

Zote nodded as he lowered his hand. Bretta always said how it was love at first sight… was there even a color that represented that? Zote’s gaze searched the selection. One color caught his eye.

Purple. 

Purple was a color Bretta favored. Zote grabbed a sheet for himself, looking for purple. His eyes lit up as he read it. Enchantment and love at first sight. Beaming, Zote grabbed a bouquet of solid purple roses. As much as he wanted to grab the mix of grey and purple, he had to remember Sheo’s words. 

Tiso was having trouble. His ass, blue roses didn’t exist! They had to! Tiso pulled on his hood as he turned his back to the rose selection, pulling out his phone, looking for a solution. 

One article caught his eye. The title read “How to Get Any Color Rose”. Huh, interesting. Tapping on the article, Tiso scrolled through, eyes lighting up as he skimmed it. He smiled as he put his phone down, grabbing a bouquet of white roses. He made a mental note to drop by the art store and nab some blue dye. 

Sheo knew going into the store what color he was going to buy. Red roses were cliche, yeah, but he knew they were the right choice. The conversations he had had with Nailsmith made his heart flutter and seeing the other smile gave Sheo a sense of joy. They signified everything Sheo felt.

The paintmaster watched Xero as he stared at the roses, unsure what color to get. Sheo smiled as he approached the other, holding his bouquet close. “What’s going through your mind?”

Xero gazed at him. “Just trying to get my feelings together, I guess.” 

Sheo inclined his head. “Is there a certain color that feels right?”

Xero nodded, reaching for a bouquet of orange roses. “These feel right… but I’m not sure if they are.” 

Sheo smiled. “Then buy them. It doesn’t fully matter what the color means. As long as you’re satisfied, then they’re good. After all, when giving a gift, the true meaning comes from your heart.”

This seemed to satisfy Xero and he nodded, joining Tiso and Zote at the register. Sheo paid for the four bouquets and smiled at the group as they headed to the escalator. 

“Hey, Sheo? Can we stop at the arts and crafts store before we go?” Tiso asked, looking up at the paintmaster. 

Sheo nodded with a smile. “Sure!” He looked at the other two. “Anyone else have any requests?”

Xero perked up with a small nod. “Yeah, actually. I wanted to stop by the jewelry shop.”

Zote nodded in agreement. Sheo gave them a reassuring smile as they headed to the art store. The three waited outside as Tiso searched for whatever it was that he needed. The ant emerged with a small bag and nodded. 

The group headed over to the jewelry store next. Zote bought Bretta a nice diamond ring, which was half expected. However, it took everyone by surprise when Xero came out with a glowing nail.

“Did you… buy that?” Tiso asked, staring at the golden weapon. 

Xero looked away, moving his cloak aside to show his own nail. It was pale blue and had a dimmer glow. “I had one of mine repurposed.” He held the nail close, sheathing it and hiding the glow.

Sheo patted his back as he turned to the entrance. “If that’s everything, let’s go.”

-

9:20 PM

[HallownestTexts]

nowdancefuckerdance: Just saw the most unlikely group walk out of the mall with romantic gifts

bestbitch: who?

nowdancefuckerdance: I’ll spare them the embarrassment, but I wish that group luck 

nyah: dad, i wanna watch a movie

nowdancefuckerdance: the one with the monsters?

nyah: yeah :D

PaleAuthority: Way to ruin a moment.

-

[Private messages between shieldbro and justvibin]

shieldbro: are you free tomorrow

justvibin: Yeah, why?

shieldbro: you wanna eat at this new restaurant with me

justvibin: Sure 

-

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and fuckyourfloors]

murderisquiteok: Markoth

murderisquiteok: can you meet up with me soon

fuckyourfloors: why

murderisquiteok: i wanna talk

fuckyourfloors: ok

-

[Private messages between thegreyprince and QueenBretta]

thegreyprince: can we go out to eat tomorrow

QueenBretta: Sure! Any reason why?

thegreyprince: special deal

-

[Private messages between thepaintmaster and forgeuntildawn]

thepaintmaster: Hey! I have a special dinner planned soon! Have a good day at work!

forgeuntildawn: Thanks :)

-

[murderisquiteok has changed the groupchat name from Lonely™ to BugsInLove]

murderisquiteok: good luck boys

shieldbro: you too

thegreyprince: thx ig

thepaintmaster: Wishing you luck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend is a florist and I spent like two hours asking them for help lol
> 
> You can look up what the colors symbolize (if they weren’t told) but they’ll be revealed next chapter so it’s ok if you don’t.


	13. [murderisquiteok: guys help wtf do I waer I have nthog facyy]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a disappointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a bad chapter lol
> 
> I had to stop because 1. My computer was gonna die and 2. I am so sore from gym. 
> 
> I promise next chapter will be better. I started writing it before I stopped and I already like it leagues better.

“Tiso, you’re a walking disaster.”

“I’m aware, Cloth.” Tiso lifted his hand from the mess of blue dye. It would be easy, they said. Little to no mess, they said. 

Cloth held the roses in hand. The plan had been simple: dye the white roses blue and act as if nothing had happened. It was supposed to be simple, but nothing ever was with Tiso in the picture. 

Cloth was about to chastise him more, but seeing the ant’s deflated look made her pause. She used her clean hand to pat Tiso on the back. “Heeeey, bud… it’ll be ok. We… we could try again?”

Tiso watched as one of the petals on the only perfect blue rose drifted to the floor. Cloth winced to herself as the other petals followed suit. Tiso’s eyes narrowed and he huffed. “No. There’s no point.”

He took the roses from Cloth and placed them back in the vase. All of the roses were a little blue, streaks of the color splashed across the petals in erratic patterns. Tiso looked away from them and picked up his phone, texting quickly. 

2:12 PM

[BugsInLove]

[shieldbro has sent an image]

shieldbro: god is not on my side

thepaintmaster: It doesn’t look too bad!

thepaintmaster: It matches Quirrel pretty well! I like it better than the original!

murderisquiteok: agreed. I see the blue petals on the floor. maybe they fell off for a reason

shieldbro: what, like i was supposed to give quirrel the white and blue ones

thepaintmaster: It’s not impossible. If you want to go out and buy more white roses to dye, I’ll come pick you up. 

shieldbro: no, ill try these

thepaintmaster: Good luck!

The message instilled a new confidence in Tiso. He swapped out the dyed water in the vase for fresh water, then tied a ribbon around the vase. 

“Changed your mind?” Cloth asked, mopping up the spilled water. 

Tiso nodded with a small smile. “Yeah. Do you think he’ll like it?”

Cloth gave a knowing chuckle. “I know he will.”

-

Xero silently cursed himself out as he quickly cleaned the kitchen of his apartment. Half of him didn’t care where he put things. As long as they were away, it didn’t matter to him. He picked up a few papers and gave them a small look. Right, rent was due soon. He had to remember to pay that if he could. And if not, well, he could always evade them like he had done before. 

Shaking his head, Xero put the papers down, placing them in a drawer. He moved to clean off the counter, picking up a mandolin. “What the fuck is this?” he asked himself, turning it over. The initials “GT” were on the bottom. God Tamer. Of course. Xero set it down against the wall, jogging to the closet to get the vacuum. 

“Oi! Keep it down up there!” someone shouted from below. 

Xero turned off the vacuum for a moment. “Fuck off, I’m panic-cleaning!” He turned it back on without waiting for a response. He didn’t have time for pissy neighbors. Tell ‘em to fuck off and move on. It was a new policy that was working too well. 

A quick glance at the digital clock on the oven made him want to freeze. Fuck, it was 2:25. Markoth was supposed to arrive in 15 minutes. Xero sped up, vacuuming the living room and almost throwing the device into the closet, ignoring the loud banging it made as it took a shelf down with it. 

Only two things were on his mind now that cleaning was out of the way. He could worry about the roses’ timing later: give them when the time is right. For now, what the fuck was he supposed to wear?

Xero flung his closet door open, filtering through outfits. He ruled out an immediate 60% of them. They were everyday clothes or stuff he wore when he went to work, and as a children caretaker, things got messy real quick. Did he really not have any fancy shit? Plan B it was.

[BugsInLove]

murderisquiteok: guys help wtf do I waer I have nthog facyy

thegreyprince: are you having a stroke

murderisquiteok: panicking

shieldbro: top 5 best looking things, put them on, boom

thepaintmaster: Make a makeshift outfit!

murderisquiteok: cool thx

Xero almost flung his phone onto the bed as he rushed to take off his helmet, flinging that on the bed too. He unclipped his cloak and armor, slipping on a pair of black pants he didn’t know he had. He grabbed a white shirt and put it on, then slipped a black long-sleeved shirt on top. He grabbed a scissors, cutting the black shirt down the middle as evenly as possible. He grabbed a red tie and slipped it on. There. 

[BugsInLove]

[murderisquiteok has sent an image]

murderisquiteok: opinions?

thepaintmaster: Snazzy! I like it!

shieldbro: looks good

murderisquiteok: helmet on or off?

thepaintmaster: Maybe leave it off? Kinda like showing your true self.

murderisquiteok: sheo youre a lifesaver

thepaintmaster: Happy to help!

Xero sighed in relief as he admired himself for a moment. It didn’t look too bad for something literally thrown together. Xero perked up at a knock on the door and got up to leave. He stopped in his doorway, throwing a glance back at his helmet. Xero shook his head and turned away, closing the door behind him.

-

Zote adjusted his small tuxedo, placing a grey rose in the pocket. He adjusted the coattails so they didn’t drag behind him. He smiled nervously and experimented with some sunglasses. Hm… he’d leave them on until they got to the restaurant. 

“Are you ready to go, Zote?” Bretta called from the porch. She had a fancy dress on and held a small purse (it would end up being for show, of course. Chivalry called and it wanted Zote to pay for everything). 

“I am. Are you?” Zote stepped out of the house, taking Bretta by the arm. She giggled as the two headed down the road, basking in the small stares they got. One bug even congratulated the two, wishing them a happy future. 

The restaurant in question was extremely fancy on the outside. Neon lights lined the signs and a few glowing Oomas were in tanks that were the windows. Zote smiled at Bretta as he led her inside. 

“Good evening and welcome to Serenade, the number one restaurant for romantic nights,” the bug at the counter greeted with a light laugh. 

“Reserved seats for Zote and Bretta?” Zote asked. 

The woman smiled. “Right this way!” She led the two to their table. “We have a special performance from Songtress Marissa tonight! Enjoy the performance and your meal!”

Bretta observed her surroundings, gazing in awe. “So pretty,” she commented, smiling at the lights. 

Zote adjusted his tie with a small smile. “Yes, it is pretty…” His heart hammered in his chest as he felt his pocket. The case of the ring was still there. Zote kept a hand over it as he tried to make small talk while the pair looked at the menu.

-

Sheo smiled as he sat down at the table. It was all set, candles in the middle. Nailsmith sat across from him, admiring the red roses in the vase. 

“Thank you for coming,” Sheo said, folding his hands. He had a few paintings hanging in his dining room, as well as his old nail. 

Nailsmith gave a nod of his head. “It’s always a pleasure to spend time with someone as amazing as you.” 

Sheo nodded as he stood up, crossing the room. He pulled a canvas from his small closet, holding it out to Nailsmith. “Here. A small gift from you to me.”

Nailsmith smiled at the painting. It was a painting of Nailsmith’s hut, complete with the owner himself standing outside. “It’s beautiful,” he breathed. 

Sheo blushed at the compliment. “Thank you…” 

-

4:47 PM

[BugsInLove]

shieldbro: wish me luck

murderisquiteok: can I have some too

shieldbro: gotcha covered x

thepaintmaster: Good luck! 

thegreyprince: nervous

thepaintmaster: That’s ok! It happens!

-

[HallownestTexts]

actualbabey: dad can we make a private chat

actualbabey: i wanna gossip

PaleAuthority: One moment.


	14. [itsforscience: I’m such a proud mother]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have risen from the writers block corner!
> 
> A positive COVID case at school took out 21 kids, including myself, and we’re all virtual and I was emotionally dead for 3 days because of it. But we’re here now with bugs in love :D
> 
> I’ll be consistently updating again. After next chapter, it’s back to the chaos.

Quirrel was told to meet Tiso at 5:00 sharp. He was sitting at the table, humming to himself as he tapped the table. 

“Quirrel! Hey!” Tiso appeared out of nowhere, spooking Quirrel. The pillbug smiled. 

“Hello, Tiso,” he greeted. “How was your day?” 

Tiso sat down at the table. “Good. Yours?”

“It was pretty good as well.” 

Tiso gave a small nod. “That’s good.” He tapped idly on his legs, gaze wandering as he tried to look anywhere but at the pillbug in front of him. The silence between them was deafening. 

Quirrel broke it, clearing his throat. “So, I’ve, uh, noticed you bought a little something.”

Tiso’s gaze went to the roses. He perked up. “Oh! Y-yes, here!” He handed the bouquet to Quirrel and looked down. “They were supposed to be blue but I kind of messed up...”

“Blue?” Quirrel seemed intrigued. He gently stroked a flower petal. “I personally like these better. They have personality.”

Tiso inclined his head. “You think so?”

Quirrel nodded. “Little streaks and splashes of color… they’re never consistent. It reminds me of you, since you’re always changing things up, you know?”

Tiso noticed the faint blush and tilted his hood down to hide his own. “Ye-yeah…”

The dinner continued on. The two would talk about random things, from average business to personal life. Quirrel had an interest in knitting when he wasn’t helping Monomon or reading. Despite hardly using it, he was very skilled with a nail and promised to show Tiso his one day. On the other hand, the pillbug seemed to expect Tiso’s interest in combat, giving a small chuckle at the way the ant’s eyes shone as he retold the tale of a battle he had been in not too long ago.

“And then I got the final hit in and the battle was won!” Tiso puffed out his chest in pride. 

“That was such a tale,” Quirrel mused, clapping softly. He had tried his best to pay attention to the story, but it was easier to just lose himself in Tiso’s bright eyes. He wondered if Tiso talked about him with such passion.

Tiso smiled at Quirrel. “And it’s all true!” He leaned his head on his hands. “Do you have any tales of old you wish to tell?”

Quirrel shook his head with a small smile. “Afraid not. Labwork can be rather dull, it seems.”

“No crazy explosions? No outbursts from Monomon?” Tiso asked with a sly tone. 

Quirrel chuckled softly. “Well, there was this one time…”

The conversation lasted another 10 minutes. By the end of it, Tiso had finished his dinner and was enthralled by the tale. 

“And that’s how Monomon ended up setting the lab on fire.” Quirrel folded his hands with a small chuckle. 

Tiso snickered. “You have the best teacher.” 

Quirrel shrugged. “She’s chaotic but extremely kind.”

“Like you,” Tiso blurted out. He softly cursed as soon as he said it. 

Quirrel was taken by surprise, shocked by the kind comment. He blushed vividly. “You think so?”

Tiso noticed the blush and had one of his own within seconds. “We-well yeah… I’ve always seen you as a guardian angel, almost. Kind, smart, protective, everything they would be.” He smiled and reached out to take Quirrel’s hand. “That’s why I wanted to ask you out. I want to return the favor.”

Quirrel blushed harder, his face a vivid red. The smile in his eyes was obvious as day. His hand closed around Tiso’s and his voice was a whisper. “I’d like that too.”

“You would?” Tiso was half dumbfounded. 

Quirrel nodded. “It’d mean the world to me, Tiso. I like you back and it’d be amazing being your boyfriend.”

Tiso got up from his seat and engulfed Quirrel in a hug. “Thank you!”

Quirrel smiled and pecked the ant’s cheek. “Anything for you, boyfriend.”

-

The atmosphere was nothing but tense despite the five candles lit up in Xero’s kitchen. He had heard a few comments about aromatherapy and was really experimenting with it as of lately. The candles, honey scented, weren’t meant to be lit but they seemed to add something so they remained untouched. 

Xero held his hands together under the table tightly, head bowed as he half-watched Markoth. The red moth was scarily silent and regarded him with a cold gaze. The lack of his helmet was already keeping Xero on edge and the glare was doing nothing to help his nerves. 

They had been silent for about three minutes now. Three minutes that seemed to be three hours. Xero broke his gaze away from Markoth and down at the table. 

“So. I see you’ve donned your helmet for this little… meeting,” Markoth commented, watching Xero closely. 

“Ye-yeah… it seemed unprofessional,” Xero replied, choosing his words carefully. He was always careful when it came to conversing with the moth. Even flirting caused a small battle over word choice. Most attempts were met with harsh comments. If the moth was serious, Xero was oblivious to it.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Markoth looked down at his small teacup. He had requested tea almost immediately and the amount of sugar he had dumped into the small cup gave Xero mixed feelings. Mostly admiration. Goddamn.

Xero didn’t reply right away, keeping his gaze off of his guest. He was almost certain Markoth knew what was going on. He had only invited the moth over once before and it was to ask him for help in baking a cake. It would no doubt be odd to go from cooking assistance to business deal in less than a year. 

“It’s honestly stupid,” Xero managed to get out, holding his arm tightly. He noticed Markoth incline his head out of his peripheral vision.

“Is any business-realted talk stupid?”

“It’s… not about business.”

Markoth’s gaze was solely on Xero. The moth was mostly conflicted. He wasn’t an idiot- he had known for a long time how Xero felt about him. He knew all of those texts and flirt attempts were genuine. He knew what this little meeting was: Xero’s attempt at a subtle date. He hid it well, the set up and attire were all business. There were two things that gave it away. 

“What’s it about?” Markoth decided to play dumb. 

“We-well… it’s…” Xero trailed off, his words becoming a stuttering mess in a timespan of two seconds. Markoth blinked, watching the other bug stumble over his words and attempt to choke out a coherent sentence. 

Markoth held up a hand, silencing the other. “Relax, Xero. I know what it’s about.”

The words seemed to genuinely surprise the bug. “Really?”

Markoth rolled his eyes. “Do you take me for an idiot? Two things gave it away.” He gestured to Xero. “Your helmet. You’ve never taken it off for other meetings, so I knew this was along the lines of ‘formal’ rather ‘professional’. The other is you yourself.” He gave a small knowing laugh. “You’ve never stumbled over your words more than now. And the blush is easy to see when it’s not hidden behind metal.”

If Xero wasn’t blushing hard before, he was now. It was a bit cute to see him get flustered at a mere callout. Xero tapped the table, not meeting Markoth’s gaze. “Look. I can’t help it. Everytime we speak, I flush up.” He gave a tiny chuckle. “The helmet is just an excuse, being honest.”

He finally looked up at the red moth across from him. “I really like you, ok? I like the way you fight, the way you talk, everything.” He looked across the room where he had the orange roses. “They’re distracting feelings sometimes, but they’re genuine. I totally get if you don’t feel the same, but I just thought I’d let you know.”

Markoth watched Xero as he talked. He seemed genuine in everything he was saying, but what really said everything was the small white streaks running down his face. It wasn’t hard to see, the white tears on Xero’s black face, but it still caught Markoth by surprise. He had never taken Xero as someone to get emotional over love, of all things. 

Markoth stood up and crossed the room, making Xero’s head shoot up as he tracked the moth. Markoth placed a hand on Xero’s shoulder and met his gaze. 

“Look… there’s no reason to get all choked up.” The moth’s tone was gentler than Xero had ever heard it. “I can’t tell you how I feel at this exact moment… but we can take it slow, ok? Try this whole dating thing out and see how it goes.”

Xero blinked in disbelief and shock. “Really?” his voice was a whisper. 

“Really.” Markoth took his cloak and dried Xero’s eyes. “Now, why don’t we continue our most recent conversation. I do believe you were telling me about the difference between our nails.”

Xero’s eyes lit up as Markoth saw back down. “Well, to begin…”

-

7:18 PM 

[HallowestTexts]

itsforscience: I’m such a proud mother

justvibin: Thanks 

blind(ing)tree: I’m so happy for you!

yeeshaw: congrats Tiso

thehollowknight: sister you owe me 10 geo

yeeshaw: I know Hollow

-

[BugsInLove]

shieldbro: hows it going

thegreyprince: shockingly good

murderisquiteok: i cried in front of my new boyfriend, i’m embarrassed

shieldbro: you did it though!

thegreyprince: doing it

murderisquiteok: if she says yes, i’ll cover the cost of your dinner

shieldbro: ^

thegreyprince: will keep you posted

-

[Private messages between shieldbro and murderisquiteok]

shieldbro: you know shes gonna say yes right

murderisquiteok: yeah

shieldbro: you owe me

shieldbro: did you actually cry though

murderisquiteok: shut the fuck up


	15. [thepaintmaster: Friendly note: hurt them and I will kill you.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow days do something to my writing schedule, don’t know what though

Zote was distracted, to say the least. His hand hadn’t left his pocket even as he ate and talked with Bretta. He adjusted his bowtie, trying to hide how he felt. 

“Zote? Are you alright?”

Zote blinked. “Hm? Well, of course I am! The Grey Prince never falters!” Zote puffed out his chest, a small burst or courage taking over for a moment.

Bretta giggled. “Well, I’m glad to see that you’re doing alright!” She had finished her petite dessert a while ago. They both had but the pair was content to just talk a little longer. 

Zote’s phone was silently buzzing. He glanced at it. Tiso and Xero had made their moves, huh? It seemed like they had both succeeded as well, giving the current conversation. Zote quickly typed that he was going for it. A quick message from Xero made him look again, the other bug saying that he’d pay for the pair’s dinner if Bretta said yes. Zote did his best not to let his emotions get to his head as he set his phone down and got up, pulling out the box. Heads turned and even a few staff members looked over in shock. 

“My lovely queen, you have been a blessing to my world since the day our paths crossed.”

Bretta couldn’t stop the sudden tears that gathered in her eyes as she saw her romantic interest kneeling before her, a small black box in his hands. She brought her hands to her mouth to muffle the shocked gasp.

Zote’s gaze was solely on Bretta as he spoke again. “Every night, I dream of your beauty. Every day, I bask in your light. It’s my duty to make you smile. I’ve come to realise that nothing makes you happier than the time we spend together.”

He opened the box, revealing the ring. The small audience gasped in awe and shock. Zote smiled up at Bretta. “That is why I want that time to never end. My queen Bretta, will you marry me?”

The crowd was on the edge of their seats as the tears began to fall. Bretta could hardly contain herself and her answer was instant. “YES!”

Cheering filled the air as Zote slipped the ring onto her finger. Bretta swept Zote up in a hug, laughing in delight. Zote hugged her back the best he could. 

He didn’t notice the tears slipping down his face. 

-

8:02 PM

[BugsInLove]

[thegreyprince has sent an image]

thepaintmaster: Congrats!

shieldbro: yoooooo join the club!!!!

shieldbro: how much was the dinner

thegreyprince: 1000 geo

shieldbro: omw

shieldbro: xero ill be over to pick up your share in a few

shieldbro: were 500 geo poorer now

murderisquiteok: it was so worth it, grats dude!

murderisquiteok: don’t die from a heart attack

thegreyprince: no promises

-

Nailsmith looked over Sheo’s shoulder at his phone. “Your friends seem to be having a time.”

Sheo blinked and smiled. He nodded, setting his phone down. “They’re quite the bunch, those three. Remind me of my brothers and I when we were younger.”

“Is that so?” Nailsmith chuckled as Sheo wrapped an arm around him, bringing the other into a warm embrace. The pair had been seated on the couch for a while now, neither wanting to break the moment by moving.

Sheo looked back at his dark phone. The three in the group chat really did spark some memories. “Yeah. They could all pass as Oro, don’t get me wrong, but they all have their shining points.” He smiled. They felt like a miniature family, one that was growing with each success. 

Nailsmith leaned his head on Sheo. “A little vengefly told me that you four were scheming for some romantic nights?” He had a teasing tone. 

Sheo chuckled. “I only helped. It seems like they were all a success.”

“Would you like tonight to be a success as well?” Nailsmith looked up.

The sudden question caught Sheo off guard. He sputtered for a moment and looked down, his face warm. “Wo-would you like it to?”

The answer came in the form of a passionate kiss. Sheo didn’t let the surprise reign for long, sinking into it and treasuring the moment. 

-

9:20 PM

[HallownestTexts]

actualbabey: can we get a congrats in the chat for the four former loners

justvibin: congrats!

nowdancefuckerdance: ^

br0ken: ^^

PaleAuthority: ^^^x30 something.

thebeast: what

PaleAuthority: One for each of my children, aka all of you.

PaleAuthority: Wyrm, I have so many of you fucks.

alwayswatching: ??? are you aware that most of us are adults

PaleAuthority: Fucking act like it and I’ll notice soon enough.

-

[BugsInLove]

[thepaintmaster has changed the group name to MiniPainters]

thepaintmaster: Don’t argue with it, I have adopted you all.

shieldbro: awwww

murderisquiteok: ok dad :)

thegreyprince: can I be the oldest

shieldbro: youre the shortest lmao

thepaintmaster: I love you kiddos.

-

[HallownestTexts]

[thepaintmaster has sent an image]

thepaintmaster: Friendly note: hurt them and I will kill you.

actualbabey: YESSIR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zote deserves some love, give the guy a break lol 
> 
> If you didn’t think Sheo wouldn’t adopt the other three, you were dead wrong. I love my mini family :’)
> 
> As promised, chaos begins again next chapter. I’m working on a little one-shot book revolving around this fic so keep an eye out for that if interested as well


	16. [gladeguardian: Touch me and you will die again]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna roll out another chapter later tonight because I’m in that kind of mood

7:54 AM

thehollowknight: father i need more milk

thehollowknight: i hunger for the cereal father

thebeast: well damn, don’t just stand there, get the poor thing their milk you asshole

PaleAuthority: Sigh.

-

9:36 AM

imfuckingcrazy: bored

theangryone: bored

actualbabey: bored

fuckpaleking: it’s bad when i’m bored too

fuckpaleking: who wants to cause misery

actualbabey: me! :D

actualbabey: @nyah wanna come :)

nyah: yeah :3

actualbabey: ok :D

-

9:00 AM

thehollowknight: thank you father for the milk

thehollowknight: i will now feast

-

11:04 AM

[Private messages between thebeast and murderisquiteok]

thebeast: you down to murder again?

murderisquiteok: hell yeah omw

-

[Private messages between nowdancefuckerdance and itsforscience]

[nowdancefuckerdance has sent an image]

itsforscience: Lol I joined that club a looooong time ago

nowdancefuckerdance: That’s slightly concerning

-

[HallownestTexts]

PaleAuthority: I have heard rumors that I am being conspired against. 

PaleAuthoirty: This treason shall not go unpunished

itsforscience: What kind of rumors hahahaha

PaleAuthority: *squinting intensifies*

nowdancefuckerdance: If you’re talking about the duo of Herrah and Xero, they’re not aiming for you

nowdancefuckerdance: That being said, @thegreyprince run

thepaintmaster: Hmmmm…..

-

12:12 PM

[MiniPainters]

thepaintmaster: Xero, do not murder Zote please.

murderisquiteok: but dad he deserves it

thepaintmaster: No >:[

murderisquiteok: fine

-

12:21 PM 

[HallownestTexts]

nowdancefuckerdance: @relicseeker Run

relicseeker: Oh, what the fuck.

-

1:13 PM

br0ken: guys dont pick on the elderly thats not nice :(

relicseeker: I’m not old, excuse you.

thebeast: didnt you get stuck under a table once

relicseeker: It was a very tight space, ok?

-

2:40 PM

thebeast: the hunt has been postponed because xero is chickening out

murderisquiteok: i am very open to hunting him still

murderisquiteok: it’s just that sheo said it’s pizza night

murderisquiteok: nothing beats out pizza night

thebeast: fair enough

yeeshaw: does this mean we can go out for dinner tonight?

thebeast: nice try

-

[actualbabey has added gladeguardian to HauntThisBitch]

actualbabey: i kept this for a reason

actualbabey: i need a favor

murderisquiteok: will it interfere with pizza night

actualbabey: does pizza night occur at 10pm

murderisquiteok: it does not, i’m listening

actualbabey: thanks :D

actualbabey: i wanna prank someone out of revenge but they know you guys exist so that wont work

actualbabey: and im sitting there and thinking what to do and then it came to me

actualbabey: call in the backup ghosts :D

fuckyourfloors: you take us for likable bugs

fuckyourfloors: i hate everyone and xero is very much intolerable

actualbabey: rnt you dating

fuckyourfloors: shhhh 

fuckyourfloors: but yeah we can’t help out here

gladeguardian: That’s not true

gladeguardian: Markoth is scary when he’s in a good mood and Xero has his… y’know, unique traits

murderisquiteok: just admit that you love me

gladeguardian: I’ll leave all the loving to Markoth, thank you very much

gladeguardian: Touch me and you will die again

murderisquiteok: i’m only agreeing cause you scare me

-

6:00 PM

[MiniPainters]

thepaintmaster: Who’s ready for pizza? :D

shieldbro: i love this family

-

[Private messages between fuckyourfloors and murderisquiteok]

fuckyourfloors: how’s the pizza?

murderisquiteok: would be better if you were here

fuckyourfloors: omg

-

7:18 PM

[HallownestTexts]

hungry?: someone shoplift me another snickers 

thebestaccordionplayer: literally just go and buy one at the gas station

thebestaccordionplayer: it’s like… a five minute drive

hungry?: bitch i literally cannot move

-

8:20 PM

fuckyourfloors: made another child cry today

relicseeker: Another????

-

[MiniPainters]

murderisquiteok: dad can i stay up late tonight

thepaintmaster: Sure, just be back by 2 am.

shieldbro: no fair 

thepaintmaster: When you have plans with Ghost to mess around with someone, then you can stay up later too, Tiso.

shieldbro: xero can i come

murderisquiteok: yeah

shieldbro: i have plans with ghost

thepaintmaster: …

thepaintmaster: Well played.


	17. [fuckpaleking: God I hate children]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had back-to-back headaches while writing this over the course of the last two nights aaaaaa
> 
> I’ll make up for it, I am currently in a blizzard and school is most definitely cancelled for the next two days

1:51 AM

bestbitch: have a sudden urge to laugh at random strangers

-

2:03 AM

[MiniPainters]

shieldbro: dad im being bullied help pls

thegreyprince: loser

thepaintmaster: On my way.

-

2:15 AM

[HallownestTexts]

thegreyprince: lmao get fucked emilita

nowdancefuckerdance: ???

thepaintmaster: I warned you all. 

-

4:20 AM

alwayswatching: ayyyyyy

thebeast: i’m actually going to murder you 

alwayswatching: you tried that twice already

thebeast: and i see i have no knack for it

thebeast: luckily, i know people

-

4:50 AM

fuckyourfloors: @alwayswatching can i host your funeral

alwayswatching: lmao i wont die, they wont do anything

fuckyourfloors: it’s the posse

fuckyourfloors: the one that robbed a bank for fun and still got away

fuckyourfloors: you stand no chance 

PaleAuthority: What the actual fuck goes on in this chat in the morning?

imfuckingcrazy: we’re all cryptids and you should know that by now

-

5:21 AM

[colosseumchampion has sent an image] 

thebeast: yes, good 

thebeast: fucking murk him

-

6:18 AM

yeeshaw: Mother i’ll be back, going to beat up Tiso

thebeast: ok

nowdancefuckerdance: Look what you’ve done, Herrah

thepaintmaster: Is this a threat towards one of my children? Am I seeing correctly?

yeeshaw: my mistake

yeeshaw: your children are easy to make fun of

shieldbro: she had a point dad lmao

shieldbro: dont expect anything great from us

thepaintmaster: Don’t say that. You’re all splendid.

shieldbro: finally getting the praise i earned

justwantstofight: *begged for

shieldbro: wow ok rude cloth

-

8:19 AM

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

thegreyprince: i’m sure he’ll answer on the 10th text 

actualbabey: shut up zote

actualbabey: quirrel

[PaleAuthority has temporarily muted actualbabey]

PaleAuthority: Shush, child.

[actualbabey has unmuted themselves]

actualbabey: admin powers, dad

actualbabey: quirrel

-

9:04 AM

justvibin: Yes?

actualbabey: took you long enough

actualbabey: the house is on fire

justvibin: Are you joking?????

actualbabey: cmon now, i dont joke

[actualbabey has sent an image]

justvibin: GHOST

thegreyprince: well i implied they should call for someone who was active

thegreyprince: cannot be faulted

IsACoolDude: You will be if Ghost dies.

thegreyprince: understandable, dad i’m coming to your house for protection

thepaintmaster: Ok!

-

10:14 AM

PaleAuthority: Did you solve that little problem?

fuckpaleking: God I hate children

fuckpaleking: So much

PaleAuthority: I’m glad we agree on one thing

gimmepower: that wont last

bastard101: lol it really wont

bastard101: pale fuck is very unlikable

PaleAuthority: And you’re very killable

bastard101: see what i mean? very rude of you sir

nowdancefuckerdance: Brumm come watch the girls fight

thebestaccordionplayer: I am watching, sir

nowdancefuckerdance: We could’ve ended up like that smh

thebestaccordionplayer: We are not dating, sir

nowdancefuckerdance: Not yet lol

fuckpaleking: Gross get a room

nowdancefuckerdance: I’m sorry you are incapable of loving, sis

nowdancefuckerdance: Brumm come we take this elsewhere

thebestaccordionplayer: ;-;

br0ken: lol gl

-

10:54 AM

justvibin: Fire has been put out

singingandmining: it’s been two hours???

actualbabey: *three

actualbabey: two were spent screaming

actualbabey: it was dealt with when quirrel arrived

actualbabey: ruins everything smh

justwantstofight: what were you even doing???

actualbabey: cooking

actualbabey: speaking of which, round two?

relicseeker: NO.

relicseeker: Unless I won’t be forced to try anything, then idc.

-

12:30 PM

itsforscience: There’s no reason to ever fear ghosts. Either they can hurt you or they can’t

itsforscience: If they can’t, the best they can do is the occasional scare

itsforscience: And of they can hurt you, they can kill you- but now you’re a ghost too and it’s fucking ON

shieldbro: that sounds like something a ghost would say


	18. [itsforscience: Points if someone drowns lol]

3:13 PM

relicseeker: I think it’s fucked up that some plants just decided they wanted to eat meat

-

4:40 PM

itsforscience: Children are so fucked up

itsforscience: Asked my class if they would save me if I were dying

itsforscience: Turns out they would think about it before doing it

alwayswatching: well, I’d think about it too

alwayswatching: your existence has pros and cons lol

thebeast: only correct thing you’ve ever said, lurien

justvibin: I’d save you, Monomon :)

yeeshaw: I’d let all you die if it meant saving mother

PaleAuthority: Lmao don’t even ask, Lurien. Your ass is long dead.

alwayswatching: fucking ouch 

-

6:21 PM

br0ken: @colosseumchampion can we rob another bank, im bored

colosseumchampion: maybe not a bank but we can totally do some illegal shit

br0ken: awesome

-

7:00 PM

singingandminging: Do you always just scheme in front of adults who are perfectly capable of stopping you?

colosseumchampion: yeah but they dont do shit to stop us

nowdancefuckerdance: There’s no point lol

nowdancefuckerdance: Why stop the chaos when you could sit back and watch it flourish?

actualbabey: does that mean i can go tonight :)

PaleAuthority: No, you’re still grounded.

br0ken: can i go

PaleAuthortity: Yeah, have fun.

actualbabey: ]:(

-

9:30 PM

colossuemchampion: ok I can take two in place of Ghost and Zote

shieldbro: coming

shieldbro: dads being nice to me tonight 

thepaintmaster: I’m always nice to you!

thepaintmaster: It’s just that Zote has stuff to do and you don’t. 

-

[colossuemchampion has changed the chat name to ThePosse]

[colossuemchampion has added shieldbro and thebestaccordionplayer to ThePosse]

br0ken: damn didnt see that one coming

shieldbro: ^ arent you supposed to be the sane one lol

thebestaccordionplayer: Yes, but sometimes I need a break 

thebeastaccordionplayer: So, what illegal activity are we doing tonight?

colosseumchampion: gods I should have added you ages ago

-

10:16 PM

[HallownestTexts]

thebeast: @nowdancefuckerdance brumm joined the dark side lol

nowdancefuckerdance: I’m aware

nowdancefuckerdance: So long as he has fun

justwantstofight: what are they doing anyways

imfuckingcrazy: eh we’ll figure it out as we go

imfuckingcrazy: the votes between blowing up an abandoned car lot and raiding a cruise ship for fun

itsforscience: Do the ship one

itsforscience: Points if someone drowns lol

alwayswatching: Momomon, what the fuck is wrong with you

itsforscience: I’ve told you before, Lurien, I do what I must for chaos

colosseumchampion: we’ll do the leftover option next week if you wanna come for that one

colosseumchampion: we’ll add a few spots, the more the merrier

shieldbro: can we add her for this one too 

shieldbro: her chaotic force has no bounds

colosseumchampion: ok lol

actualbabey: lucky ]:<

PaleAuthority: Back to bed, you’re still grounded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chap because I spent 2 hours drawing God Tamer and Tiso for an eventual group photo of ThePosse. And also because virtual school was hell on earth. Love tired classmates and bitchy teachers.


	19. [br0ken: half of you activated “mass murder” mode]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a day later than it was supposed to be but headaches like to mess up my schedule.

5:20 PM

actualbabey: hehe

actualbabey: i am scheming 

PaleAuthority: Oh no.

br0ken: whats the chance someone will die during this scheme?

actualbabey: none if you do it right

PaleAuthority: Reassuring.

-

8:10 PM

nyah: myla and tiso teaching me new names for things :D

nyah: did you know that another nickname for pilflips is “flippy flips”? :)

nowdancefuckerdance: That is not correct but close enough

-

1:05 AM

[shieldbro has sent an image]

shieldbro: @colosseumchampion come get your crazy ass gf she is trying to raid my fridge

colosseumchampion: she’s on the ceiling, isn’t she?

shieldbro: yes now please come get her shes peering down at me like a goddamn belfly

nyah: those are also called “explody birds” :)

shieldbro: god tamer please your girlfriend is kinning explody birds rn

-

3:17 AM

br0ken: hahahahaha ij stiokle twhj phiomew

relicseeker: What.

thehollowknight: translation: hahahaha i stole the phone

blind(ing)tree: sorry about that! I will be placing the phone in a very high spot!

thegreyprince: damn, the one weakness, shortness

thegreyprince: good thing i have no weaknesses

fuckyourfloors: lol rich coming from you

thegreyprince: kindly stfu

fuckyourfloors: well I was going to

fuckyourfloors: but I have a problem with the word “kindly” so no

AintPaidEnough: When did the newer generation become so mean? Jfc.

thefriendlyone: Dad youre giving them more reasons

-

5:15 AM

alwayswatching: gonna team up with Ghost to make this scheme happen

bestbitch: out

hungry?: out

fuckyourfloors: out

alwayswatching: come on! it’ll be fun with teams!

thebeast: you lost me at “teams”. out

itsforscience: In! 

thebestaccordionplayer: you dont even know what “it” is

actualbabey: dodgeball!

thebeast: oh. 

thebeast: oh hell yes

thebeast: i’ve had a sudden change of heart, count me in

bestbitch: i’ll fuck you losers up, in

fuckyourfloors: yeah sure sounds fun

[theangryone has unmuted HallownestTexts]

theangryone: DODGEBALL?????

theangryone: HELL YEAH

thefriendlyone: That’s the most excited we’ll ever seem him be and it’s over the chance to peg his friends with balls

shieldbro: who wouldnt jump at that opportunity though

justwantstofight: ^

yeeshaw: ^^

murderisquiteok: ^^^

nowdancefuckerdance: I am intrigued…

actualbabey: meet at the big park, ill handle the rest lol

-

Brumm was only half excited to be here. He didn’t like social interaction, but if it meant getting to peg the fuck out of his “friends”? Worth it.

Lurien and Ghost waved him over as soon as he had stepped onto the large tennis court, the middle of which had tons of rubber balls lined up on it. Brumm approached the two event advisors. Lurien turned to him, a list in hand. 

“We have 24 competitors, so two large teams of 12.” Lurien nodded to the left side of the court. “Join the Red side.”

Brumm nodded, turning to walk over, surveying his teammates. Tiso, Monomon, Cloth, Broken, God Tamer, Xero, Zote, Traitor Lord, Oro, Sheo, Quirrel. Not bad.

The opposing team stood on the other side. Hornet and Herrah was not a combo Brumm was keen on facing. Grimm smiled wickedly. Pale Lurker giggled madly, flanked by Mato and Hollow. The trio of Markoth, Galien, and Revek all floated nearby, all three looking ready. Emilita and Sly narrowed their eyes. Only Myla seemed nervous.

“You all know the rules! Get hit and you’re out, catch a ball and the thrower goes out while a teammate comes in. Try to catch a ball but fumbling is an out. Over here when you’re eliminated.” Lurien stood off to the sides near the small set of bleachers. Lemm sat nearby with Midwife, the Pale King, the White Lady, Nailsmith, and Elderbug. Ghost was manning the speakers, playing loud and obnoxious house music. 

“Begin!”

With that one word, the war had begun. 

-

“Get him, Hornet!” Herrah chucked a ball at Tiso, laughing as the ant barely managed to avoid it. 

“Help! She’s targeting me!”

“It’s every bug for themselves, Tiso!” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Oro threw a ball, almost hitting Hollow. The tall vessel managed to sidestep it and threw their own ball in retaliation, hitting Zote. 

“Zote, out!”

Monomon grabbed four balls and whipped them all at Grimm. The troupemaster quite literally danced around them before whipping his own ball back at the other side. Quirrel dove out of its way as Monomon threw another ball, hitting Mato. 

Tiso was convinced he was going to die from the current assault he was receiving from Herrah and Hornet. He scrambled to avoid their onslaught of balls. His eyes widened as he saw Hornet chuck a ball that would definitely hit him. Seconds before it hit, Sheo stepped in and caught the ball. 

“Hornet! Out! Zote, back in!”

“Careful on the battlefield,” Sheo commented, handing Tiso the ball before stepping away to team up on Sly with Oro. Tiso cackled as he threw the ball across the court, hitting Myla. 

Brumm, on the other hand, was locked in a vicious stalemate. He and God Tamer had teamed up with Xero to take on the other ghosts, which was not going well. Markoth seemed to be wordlessly commanding the other two and their aim was incredibly good. It was clear how they operated: Galien was the strongest thrower, Revek was prepared to catch any balls, and Markoth led the operation. 

“Oh my gods, end this shitty thing!” God Tamer snapped, throwing another ball. Galien avoided it and threw a ball. Brumm and Xero parted to avoid it and the ball hit Broken. 

“Incoming!” Brumm barely had time to process Tiso’s warning before a ball hit him in the face. Both teams winced at the hit. 

“Doesn’t count,” Lurien called from the sides. “Headshots will result in the elimination of the thrower from this point on!”

Grimm smirked meanly and lightly tossed a ball at Brumm, grazing his arm. 

“Ok, accordion boy, that one counts. Out!”

The battle continued, both sides seeming equally matched. Herrah was eventually knocked out by Monomon, who was then eliminated by Emilita. Myla came back in after Pale Lurker caught a ball thrown by Cloth. Hollow managed to eliminate Sheo, then got out Zote and Oro in succession. After a long fight, God Tamer and Xero eliminated Galien, and a surprising play from Quirrel got Markoth out of the way. 

“From this point on, eliminations are permanent! Catching only eliminates the thrower, nobody returns!”

At this point, only Tiso, God Tamer, Xero, Quirrel, and Traitor Lord remained on the Red side. The Blue side had Hollow, Revek, Pale Lurker, Sly, Myla, and Emilita. 

“Get their asses!” Oro yelled from the sidelines. 

Traitor Lord grabbed a ball and threw it across the court. It whizzed past Hollow, ricocheting off the ground. The other four remaining bugs all had balls and prepared to throw them in a unified attack. 

“Go!” Tiso yelled and the four threw their balls. Pale Lurker ducked and Sly was hit while Revek caught God Tamer’s, eliminating her. The guardian then threw it right back and eliminated Traitor Lord. 

“Fuck. There goes our strength,” Tiso cursed softly. 

“We don’t need strength, we just need to survive.” Quirrel picked up a ball. “At my signal.”

“Die, motherfuckers!” Emilita laughed, whooping a ball across the court. Xero managed to catch it and laughed as Emilita cursed wildly. 

“Three vs three!” Lurien announced. Both teams were cheering their teammates on. Lemm seemed somewhat interested in the results of the competition while the King and Queen watched with neutrality. 

The even number on both sides held out for a short time before a well-timed ball from Pale Lurker resulted in the elimination of Quirrel. But alas, the number became equal again when Tiso finally got Pale Lurker out. 

“Gang up on Revek,” Tiso whispered to Xero in the brief time they had to regroup. “After that, Myla will be easy pickings.”

Xero nodded and the two aimed. Myla stood off to the side, holding a ball nervously. Revek saw the attack and dodged the first ball. He wasn’t prepared for the second to follow viciously behind it and winced as he was hit. He gave Myla a small nod. “Good luck.”

“One down, one to go!” Oro cheered. He leaned back. “We have this in the bag.”

“Don’t be so sure.” Grimm smiled knowingly. 

“Oh please! What’s she gonna go, sing them to death?” Lemm scoffed. 

Tiso seemed to have the same thought, laughing as Myla prepared to throw. “Get ready to dodge,” he said, already preparing himself. When Myla threw the ball, Tiso easily sidestepped it. However, he didn’t notice the ball hit the fence pole behind him and ricochet off it. The ball hit him in the back. 

“Does that count?” Mato asked, looking over at Lurien along with 90% of the rest of the team. 

Lurien snickered. “Well, technically, the rules said the hit is only nullified if it’s a headshot or it hits the ground. And, well, since it did neither…”

Tiso rolled his eyes, looking at Xero. “I’m out,” he finished, somewhat grumpily. “Good luck. You’ll need it.”

Myla locked eyes with Xero. She faltered slightly, grabbing a ball. How was she supposed to win this? Against Xero, of all bugs? Fat chance. Despite her thoughts, she held the ball tightly and prepared to throw. Xero hovered above the ground, ready to dodge.

“Hey, ghost boy!” Lurien called from the side. “Feet on the ground!”

“Wh- you never said that!”

“I shouldn’t have to! Revek could float because he doesn’t have feet. You do. Ground, now.”

Xero rolled his eyes but did as he was told, softly curing out Lurien. Myla saw her opening and took the chance, throwing the ball. Xero almost managed to sidestep it, though the ball grazed his leg. 

“Out! That’s game!” A whistle sounded as Lurien called the game. “Myla has won for her team!”

Everyone flooded the court, most of them running to congratulate the small miner. Myla flushed up, embarrassed at all the attention.

“You did good.” The monotone voice of Xero made Myla look up. The red bug held out a hand. Myla smiled brightly as she shook it.

-

5:19 PM

PaleAuthority: That was enjoyable to watch.

PaleAuthority: Very surprised Myla won.

justwantstofight: she was amazing

singingandmining: Awww thank you!

br0ken: can we play a less dangerous sport next time

br0ken: half of you activated “mass murder” mode

thebeast: and some of us always have it on

actualbabey: what do you have in mind sibling

br0ken: bungee jumping :)

relicseeker: How is that less dangerous than dodgeball?

itsforscience: Lol do you realize if we do that, an estimated 80% of us will die or get injured?

br0ken: well once you’ve spent an afternoon bowling with Elderbug and his friends, you’ll want to live on the edge too

IsACoolDude: This is just slander at this point.

PaleAuthority: We are not bungee jumping.

PaleAuthority: Take it down to like a 7.


	20. [thegreyprince: haha fucker fell out the window]

10:29 AM

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

relicseeker: Keep going.

actualbabey: ok

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

actualbabey: quirrel

justvibin: Yes?

actualbabey: can you come over and deal with a little problem

justvibin: Is it another fire?

actualbabey: …

actualbabey: perhaps

justvibin: Dear god

justvibin: There’s a fire extinguisher under the sink, I put it there in case this happened again

actualbabey: oooh ok

-

11:00 AM

actualbabey: that didnt work

justwantstofight: ??? how

actualbabey: nothing can appease grimmchild apparently

nyah: :)

PaleAuthority: This is your fault @nowdancefuckerdance

nowdancefuckerdance: I can’t help if they take after me ;)

PaleAuthority: Try to.

-

1:26 PM

actualbabey: tiso just died falling off a ladder

actualbabey: ill never forget his last words

yeeshaw: what were his last words?

actualbabey: “pale thing stop shaking the ladder”

yeeshaw: lmao loser

-

2:05 PM

[shieldbro has sent an image]

shieldbro: ill eat it for 500 geo

thegreyprince: lmao bet

relicseeker: Is that a goddamn aspid?

yeeshaw: Tiso you’d be a fool to eat that

murderisquiteok: do it or you’re a loser

shieldbro: lmao ok

thepaintmaster: Please do not. 

theangryone: disown him sheo

thepaintmaster: I might if he does it.

-

2:25 PM

shieldbro: did it

shieldbro: feeling sick though

PaleAuthority: OH? OH? I wonder why!

thegreyprince: I have may become 500 geo poorer but it was so worth it 

thepaintmaster: You’re both grounded. >:(

actualbabey: hehe

PaleAuthority: No.

actualbabey: why

PaleAuthority: I said so. 

-

[Private messages between actualbabey and br0ken]

[actualbabey has sent an image]

br0ken: do it 

br0ken: i’ll pay you 800 geo

actualbabey: done deal

-

6:14 AM

thepaintmaster: Morning! Letting you all know that Zote and I are now sick as well, so it’d be best to keep your distance!

PaleAuthority: Huh. 

PaleAuthority: You know, it might be a sudden reappearance of the Infection.

shieldbro: SHUT UP I HAD ONE

PaleAuthority: One too many. 

yeeshaw: I question the things you do, Tiso

justvibin: As you should 

-

7:07 AM

[actualbabey has sent an image]

relicseeker: Look what you’ve started, Tiso.

actualbabey: hehe 

actualbabey: time to be absent from family bonding night

PaleAuthority: That’s what you think. Lmao

-

10:52 AM

nowdancefuckerdance: I don’t know how, but Grimmchild got sick, and because he was taking care of them, Brumm is too. I will be in my bunker if I am needed. Cheers.

thebestaccordionplayer: Dramatic ass

nyah: daaaaaad come back D:

nowdancefuckerdance: No

actualbabey: im coming friend 

nyah: YYA BETTRT GTIENDF!

theangryone: what the fuck was that 

nowdancefuckerdance: The signs of sickness

nowdancefuckerdance: Get it away

-

[MiniPainters]

murderisquiteok: are the rooms taped off for a reason?

thepaintmaster: Yes.

thepaintmaster: Those are the quarantined rooms, don’t enter those. 

murderisquiteok: that’s every room but mine, what???

murderisquiteok: how the fuck am i gonna get places

thegreyprince: you haben s wiknfoe, ise it

thepaintmaster: Translation: you have a window, use it

murderisquiteok: well, i always wanted to practice my reflexes

shieldbro: so w gkop wjwn u jumo

thepaintmaster: *do a flip when you jump 

-

1:15 AM

nyah: FOOD MIENUBG GJTS

nowdancefuckerdance: Food morning

relicseeker: Food morning

justvibin: It’s 1 am and they’re sick, give them a break

actualbabey: ……...

actualbabey: food morning

thepaintmaster: Tiso just burst out laughing. Apparently, “food morning” is the funniest thing he’s heard in a while.

yeeshaw: slightly concerning

-

3:05 AM

[thegreyprince has sent an image: tiso_window_fall.png]

thegreyprince: haha fucker fell out the window

murderisquiteok: i watched you push him

thegreyprince: sh

-

4:41 AM

justvibin: Whoever has been showing Hornet Disney movies, I don’t like you

justvibin: She has the habit of sneaking in my room to push me off the bed and go “Long live the king”

thehollowknight: hmmmm

-

5:02 AM

yeeshaw: Hollow is trying to serenade a maskfly

justvibin: Vengeance!

-

6:04 AM

fuckyourfloors: @nowdancefuckerdance coming over to hide in the bunker

nowdancefuckerdance: It’s unlocked for ya

nowdancefuckerdance: Avoid the rabid Grimmchild who will try to bombard you at the door

nyah: >:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does this have over 2500 hits lmao


	21. [actualbabey: ABORT MISSION REVEK IM JUMPING DOWN]

2:11 PM

thehollowknight: father i do not feel the best

PaleAuthority: Oh no.

PaleAuthority: @thepaintmaster I thought you were keeping him inside. 

thepaintmaster: I am, he has not left the house.

thepaintmaster: None of them have.

murderisquiteok: sadly

PaleAuthority: Which one of you fucks got Hollow sick? I’ll kill ya.

br0ken: ………

actualbabey: dont

[br0ken has sent an image]

actualbabey: SNITCH

PaleAuthority: You’re both grounded.

br0ken: why me

PaleAuthority: Encouragement.

br0ken: fair

-

4:03 PM

justvibin: Well, add Cloth, Myla, and I to the sick list

nowdancefuckerdance: Damn, so we have to avoid Tiso, Zote, Sheo, the vessels, you three, and my troupe

nowdancefuckerdance: Am I missing anyone

itsforscience: I was testing stuff with Quirrel yesterday so I might be on there soon

itsforscience: You’ll know when my typing resembles Tiso’s

nowdancefuckerdance: I see

thepaintmaster: Grimm, add Xero to that list please.

nowdancefuckerdance: Why

murderisquiteok: lol, he asks why

murderisquiteok: soon enough, my friend. soon enough

thebestaccordionplayer: sir is someone visiting 

nowdancerfuckerdance: Why

nyah: u skejj d4resh nrt

thebestaccordionplayer: they sense it

nowdancefuckerdance: Ah, yeah, Markoth came over a bit ago to hide with me

theangryone: omw with mato to join that party

thefriendlyone: Yep :D

fuckyourfloors: at least oro’s antisocial

-

7:10 PM

shieldbro: gys i cant syau aqut

yeeshaw: we know

shieldbro: deat ne

shieldbro: o wm xcart

theangryone: x cart

itsforscience: You could make that a new invention

relicseeker: Tf would it even do?

bestbitch: it’d be an electronic shopping cart, made to help but causing more misery in the process

murderisquiteok: lmao i’d use that for the sole purpose of riding it

actualbabey: ^

imfuckingcrazy: ^^

colosseumchampion: ^^^

colosseumchampion: if you’re not riding shopping carts through the aisles, what are you even doing

relicseeker: Shopping?

justvibin: Boring

thebeast: aren’t you supposed to be the responsible one

justvibin: Yeah but imagine a shopping cart race

actualbabey: well i know what im doing for the next bonding event

-

8:01 PM

[Private messages between actualbabey and gladeguardian]

actualbabey: revek :D

actualbabey: revek

actualbabey: answer me i know youre there

actualbabey: revek pls

actualbabey: i will cry

-

9:30 PM

[Private messages between gladeguardian and actualbabey]

gladeguardian: What

actualbabey: first of all where were you

actualbabey: second of all can you help me with this

[actualbabey has sent an image]

gladeguardian: To answer:

gladeguardian: I was busy, and probably

gladeguardian: Once I understand what the hell it is

actualbabey: you dont need to understand

actualbabey: just help me sneak out and ill handle the rest

gladeguardian: Ok but why me

actualbabey: sheo said xero cant leave and markoth told me to fuck off

actualbabey: i knew youd say yes because youre incapable of being mean to a child

gladeguardian: You’ll be the first if you keep going

actualbabey: love ya :D

gladeguardian: No

-

10:31 PM

PaleAuthority: LMAO 

[PaleAuthority has sent an image]

PaleAuthority: Ghost, I see you climbing out that window, you’re not slick

thehollowknight: i see a ghost too

actualbabey: ABORT MISSION REVEK IM JUMPING DOWN

gladeguardian: Do you not want me to catch you?

actualbabey: NO ITS OK 

-

10:41 PM

PaleAuthority: Just watched Ghost fall from the 5th story window, flailing the whole way down, while Revek did nothing to stop it.

gladeguardian: They didn’t want me to

relicseeker: ??? That doesn’t mean you don’t try, tf?

gladeguardian: I’m not going to try if they don’t want me to

gladeguardian: They made it very clear that they didn’t want to be caught, who am I to go against that?

nowdancefuckerdance: Lmao old man gets told off by a ghost, more at 2

PaleAuthority: Aren’t you, like, 200? Lmao.

nowdancefuckerdance: Stfu

-

The local grocery store was open 24/7, which was both a relief and a hindrance. Ghost peered out at the half-full parking lot, their small stature making it easy to hide behind the hedges. The plants were plentiful but only three feet high. The vessel rubbed their hands together at the multitude of storage areas spread around the lot, about 10 in total. Each had at least seven carts in them. Ghost turned to Revek, who was boredly watching the store, and pulled out their phone. 

me: can you cause the power to go out

The message went through and Revek let out a soft sigh as he read it. He looked down at Ghost. “And after that?”

me: we steal }:)

Another sigh from Revek met this text. The ghost pocketed his phone and vanished from sight. Ghost nodded to themselves as they slipped out from behind the hedge, darting across the parking lot. Most of it was doused in lights, lights that began to flicker as Ghost passed them, causing a few passing bugs to look up. Ghost continued their run to the store entrance, not entering but looking at the lines of shopping cars under the overpass outside the sliding doors. 

Ghost’s phone vibrated in their cloak and they pulled it out. 

gladeguardian: Ready

Ghost clapped their hands and typed their response. 

me: do it :D

As soon as the text was sent, the lights of the store began to flicker, along with the streetlights in the parking lot. Seconds later, every light went out. Confused cries echoed through the store and lot. Ghost ignored them as they grabbed the handles of the first cart, which was connected to about 15 other carts. After a slight panic, the vessel managed to free the cart from the rest, taking three carts. Ghost wasted no time as they pushed the carts off the curb and down the parking lot. They broke into a small run, trying to move as quickly as they could. 

Ghost could see frantic movement inside the store as bugs tried to work on getting the lights back on. They succeeded after a moment, a moment that made Ghost’s small heart race as the area flickered back to life. It seemed that Revek was prepared for this, however, as the lights dimmed again seconds later. Ghost continued to push the carts, crossing the street to get to the alleyways. 

The carts came to a sudden stop and Ghost was sent barrelling into the carts. They blinked as they tried to clear their head, then looked at what had caused the stop. The curb. Ghost facepalmed and scrambled to lift the first of the carts over the curb. 

The air seemed to chill and the carts were suddenly lifted over the curb. Revek flickered into view and gave Ghost a small look. The vessel clapped, leaning on the carts in satisfaction. 

-

4:48 AM

[actualbabey has sent an image]

actualbabey: x-cart is coming soon yall

shieldbro: wgst the guvk

alwayswatching: you were serious?

actualbabey: i always am lurien

actualbabey: monomon youre welcome

itsforscience: Oh, I like where this is going

murderisquiteok: i cannot fathom the fact that revek actually helped you

murdisquiteok: what did you pay him lol

gladeguardian: Literally nothing

gladeguardian: The faster you agree to their demands, the faster they’ll move on 

PaleAuthority: Finally, someone gets it.

-

6:14 AM

AintPaidEnough: What the fuck happened over night?

fuckyourfloors: revek why’d you help them, now they’re gonna get their way

actualbabey: as i should :D

actualbabey: revek cannot be mean to such a cute face

gladeguardian: I hate how that’s true

PaleAuthority: Me too, Revek.

PaleAuthority: Me too.

actualbabey: ;)


	22. [actualbabey: but you dealt with the devil and i rule all of hell]

6:26 AM

shieldbro: ghys you thimk i csn ryn frpm jorney

justvibin: If I read that correctly, no, Hornet would catch you in 10 seconds

shieldbro: but whar if dhe wqs habdicaopwd

yeeshaw: lol, me, handicapped? never

justvibin: She would still catch you, Tiso 

shieldbro: damn

-

[MiniPainters]

shieldbro: dad csn i go iutsidw

thepaintmaster: When your typing is legible, yeah. 

thegreyprince: lmao gl his typing is always awful

shieldbro: hey ruck tou

thegreyprince: lol no

thepaintmaster: Be mature, now. 

murderisquiteok: sigh

-

[HallownestTexts]

7:34 AM

actualbabey: @itsforscience when are we gonna get this cart operation rolling

actualbabey: heh… pun

itsforscience: We can do it today, actually

itsforscience: I’ll say it’s for a lab for today’s class

actualbabey: cool

actualbabey: @gladeguardian if i send you my address would you come pick me up :)

gladeguardian: Do I have a choice?

actualbabey: lol you did

actualbabey: but you dealt with the devil and i rule all of hell 

actualbabey: so nope :D

gladeguardian: Sigh

gladeguardian: Send me the address, Iĺl be on my way shortly

nowdancefuckerdance: How the fuck did Ghost manage to get my Troupe, Monomon, and a literal ghost on their side?

nowdancefuckerdance: Like… damn, even Brumm’s on their side 99% of the time

itsforscience: They have a chaotic evil vibe when they get like this and I revel in it

itsforscience: Other than that, probably some spell or some shit

actualbabey: you will never know my secret ;)

-

8:42 AM

shieldbro: haha i jabe smeaked iut teh winbow

yeeshaw: sneaked isn’t a word lol

theangryone: ^ 

shieldbro: shush i donr gave time

shieldbro: gorta jelp wuth ny busonwss

actualbabey: we will wait for you tiso

actualbabey: revek hurry up its been an hour

actualbabey: also can we stop at the donut shop on the way

actualbabey: i hunger for donuts

gladeguardian: SIGH

-

9:10 AM

[singingandmining has sent an image]

singingandmining: What am I witnessing???

PaleAuthority: Anarchy

PaleAuthority: Once Ghost gets their way, there’s no going back.

shieldbro: guhs im omw

actualbabey: YAY! :D

-

Monomon’s eyes gleamed as she stood in the large but empty grassy field. Her class, about 20 students, were seated on the grass before her. Monomon surveyed her class. “Now, today we have a very special lesson on acceleration. And because it’s one of my favorite lessons, I have a few guests today to show you what acceleration’s all about!” 

She turned to where Ghost was sitting in one of the three shopping carts lined up. The little vessel was indulging themselves in a donut happily. Revek was floating behind them, looking bored or miserable. Monomon waved a tentacle. “Come on over, boys!”

Revek sighed but pushed the carts over, using the wooden boards the group had taken the time to lie out to allow for easier transportation. They were a little ways away from the running track. Monomon had been forbidden to use it, but she hated the principal anyways so fuck that. Monomon led her class over to the stadium that the track was on, unlocking the gates with her card. Her class filed inside the fenced stadium, sitting on the lowest level of the bleachers. Revek wheeled the carts to the track, Ghost still lounging in one of the baskets and waving like they were royalty. 

“Now, class, listen closely. Acceleration is a vehicle’s capacity to gain speed in a short time. Because motor vehicles are forbidden on the track, we’ll have to use these carts.”

“Where did you get the carts?” One kid asked, inclining their head. 

Monomon blinked, then slightly leaned back to Revek. “Where’d you get them?” she asked softly. 

“We stole them from the local grocery store. Tell them that, encourage them to be criminals,” Revek muttered sarcastically. 

Monomon almost laughed. Instead, she turned back to the class. “Revek here had they lying around and was kind enough to let us use them. Don’t ask where he got them from, that’s not important.” She clapped her tentacles. “Now! While we will learn the formula and the other boring stuff later, we’re here now to see acceleration in action! We’ll be doing a special project next week with these same carts, so pay close attention now!”

She turned to the pair, pulling the carts apart. “We have three carts here. One for each of us.” As she spoke, she lined the carts up on the track. “Now, we’re all going to start pushing our carts at the same speed. Revek and I will begin to push our carts faster until one of us pulls ahead.” She picked Ghost up and set them in front of their own cart. She nodded silently at the two other bugs. 

Ghost clapped and slowly began to push their cart. Monomon and Revek did the same before they both picked up speed, slowly but surely. Ghost abandoned their cart and hopped onto the bottom of Revek’s, holding on as the ghost pushed the cart faster. Monomon let hers go, letting the cart roll on its own. Revek didn’t hesitate to do the same, watching the cart roll quickly down the track. Ghost was still clinging to the bottom. Everyone watched the cart as it rolled off the track and down the hill the track sat at the top of. 

Monomon snickered as the cart and Ghost disappeared from sight. Revek teleported over to help Ghost and Monomon turned back to her class, nudging aside Ghost’s leftover cart. “And that’s acceleration in action!” She smiled at the class. “Now, for the project explanation. We learned about circuitry in the past. Let’s see how much you know. We’ll be trying to turn these boring manual shopping carts into electronic ones!” She nodded to the carts as Revek returned, holding Ghost by one of the horns. “Should be simple. Let’s get started.”

-

Sheo was starting to think about redecorating his kitchen. Being stuck in the room for at least two hours was starting to get to him. The painter sighed as he stirred the large pot of soup on the stove.

He should’ve known not to let Tiso go outside. Quirrel, Cloth, and Myla were staying at his house and Grimm was supposed to drop off Brumm and Grimmchild later. The place was just the sickness central. 

Thank Wyrm Tiso was asleep. He had been for a while now, about three hours. The ant got incredibly impatient and cranky when he was sick. Most of his tantrums had resulted in Quirrel calming him down, but Sheo remembered the times before Quirrel was there. He shuddered. 

“Dad! Get in here!” Zote’s shrill cry made Sheo flinch. He lowered the spoon and jogged over to the living room. He had cleared out most of the tables to allow for the sick bugs to sleep in one room. 

Sheo peered in. “Yes?” he asked softly. 

Zote looked up at him from where he was on the floor, pinned beneath a tipped recliner. “Help.”

Sheo sighed but helped the small bug up. “There. Anything else?”

“I’m sorry,” Quirrel apologized for the 100th time, sitting crosslegged on the couch. 

Sheo smiled. “Don’t be sorry, Quirrel. This happens.” The painter returned to the kitchen to serve the soup he had prepared. 

“Is it safe to come out yet?” Xero popped his head in the kitchen from the hallway. Sheo turned to him and smiled. 

“Just don’t go into the living room. Come here, help me dish these out.” He nodded at the tray of bowls that sat nearby. Xero crossed the room and picked up the ladle Sheo had left in the pot, beginning to administer the soup. Sheo began to carry it over to the living room. He disappeared for a moment, handing each bug a bowl before returning to the kitchen. 

As Xero poured soup into two final bowls, Sheo smiled. He sat down at the kitchen table with the red bug. “Thank you for the help lately. I know it must be a little challenging, but it really means a lot.”

Xero looked up at those words. He let out a tiny laugh. “Well, I know you can’t handle everything yourself.” He took off his helmet, setting it aside. “It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done, y’know?”

Sheo tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean by that?”

“I dunno. I never really had moments like these with my family. It feels nice to be less of a burden, I guess.” Xero shrugged nonchalantly, not missing the way Sheo frowned but not acknowledging it. 

Sheo sighed softly, waiting for the soup to cool a bit. “Well, I’ll always be glad for you, Tiso, and Zote. You’re all adults, I know, but I think of you as my very own children and I want the best for you three.” He looked over to the living room, getting a glimpse of the sleeping bundle that was Tiso. Zote was barely visible under his covers, eating his soup quietly. Sheo smiled to himself. 

He hadn’t “adopted” the three simply because they had one little afternoon together. No… in each of them, he saw a bug robbed of the childhood he had. Their pasts were never brought up, but Sheo didn’t need to have any hints or retellings. He had one goal, and it was to give these bugs a chance at having someone who cared. 

-

The sun was beginning to set. Noises of the TV drifted back the dark hallway, the loud shouting of the reality show never stopping for a second. Even with the door closed, Xero could make out every cuss word the actors(?) threw at each other. The bug tried not to let it bother him as he read. 

There was a knock at the door. Xero didn’t have to ask who it was, knowing the answer. Sure enough, Sheo opened the door. “May I come in?”

Xero silently shrugged and Sheo took it as a yes, slipping into the room, softly cracking the door behind him. “Hey… you know, we’re going to start a movie in a few moments, if you care to join us?”

Xero looked up from his book, considering it. He sighed as he looked back down. “I don’t care.”

Sheo slightly frowned at the response. “Ok, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re never this secluded. What’s wrong?”

Xero found a way to roll his pure white eyes. “Nothing’s “wrong”. I just like some quiet.”

Sheo folded his arms. “You didn’t leave your room for a day.”

Xero finally looked up. “Fine. You want to know what’s wrong?” He pointed at the door. “What’s “wrong” is that we have a bunch of sick bugs out there and nobody but you gives a shit.”

Sheo blinked at the barking response. His words died in his throat as he watched Xero glare at him. Finally, the painter sighed, sitting down on the bed. “You know… you never told me how you passed.” He had a feeling the ghost’s death was a part of the sudden swell of emotion. 

The watery gleam in one of Xero’s eyes was quick. Gone in an instant, but there. Xero looked away. “How’d you know.”

Sheo placed a hand on Xero’s. “Call it a fatherly instinct.”

Xero chuckled harshly, bitterly. “I’ll keep it simple. I got infected, I turned against the king, I was executed.” He gave a small shrug. 

Ah. That explained a few things, like Xero’s refusal to look at orange objects. Sheo remembered showing the ghost how to mix red and yellow to make orange paint. The nail marks were still present in the wall. Sheo looked away from Xero, trying not to imagine the bright color in his son’s eyes. 

“I see,” was all he could choke out. “And seeing this sickness brings back bad memories, I assume?”

Xero snickered. “Yeah.” He looked down at the floor. “There was nobody around to help me, so I’m trying to help them. It can’t hurt me anymore, so I should have nothing to fear, right?” He clenched a fist. “But I still do. And I hate it.”

If there was one thing Sheo was not expecting for the ghost to do, it would be the sudden crying. Tears rolled down Xero’s face. Sheo moved instantly, wrapping the ghost in a hug, ignoring the chills it sent. He knew two things about ghosts: they had no heartbeat, and they tended to be freezing and brought the cold air with them. Despite that, Sheo held on. 

“It’ll be ok,” he whispered softly. There was the telltale clang of metal hitting the floor and he knew the helmet had come off. Xero’s head was pressed into Sheo and the painter continued to whisper softly. 

He didn’t leave until Xero had fallen asleep. Sheo was reluctant to move, but knew he had to. He gently lied the bug down, covering him with the blanket and setting his helmet aside. Sheo sighed as he went to exit the room. 

Outside the door, Tiso and Zote exchanged a look.

-

10:03 PM

thehollowknight: siblings

thehollowknight: please come cuddle

thehollowknight: i am cold

br0ken: coming :D

actualbabey: me too :)


	23. [thebestaccordionplayer: Where’s the anarchy?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took too long, I’m sorry lol

9:09 AM

relicseeker: You all make me question my sanity.

relicseeker: Like, what the fuck is Monomon doing?

relicseeker: How did half of us get sick? 

br0ken: jesus keep up with the chat lemm

actualbabey: yeah lemm

actualbabey: pay attention smh

relicseeker: I hate you both.

-

11:46 AM

nyah: dad im bored can i have a playdate with ghost :)

nowdancefuckerdance: Yeah, sure, ig

nyah: FRIEND! :D

actualbabey: FRIEND! :)

nyah: wanna play tag? :D

actualbabey: yeah! 

justvibin: Omg you two are so wholesome

thebestaccordionplayer: I know, it’s disgusting

thebestaccordionplayer: Where’s the anarchy?

-

3:29 PM

shieldbro: lmao fuckers im p much better now

yeeshaw: damn

PaleAuthority: Damn.

justvibin: Congrats! 

shieldbro: im awesome i know

thegreyprince: incorrect 

shieldbro: correct

thegreyprince: ew no

shieldbro: yes

theangryone: ok children, go back to kindergarten

-

5:20 PM

murderisquiteok: hearing about other people’s coping mechanisms is wild

murderisquiteok: you cry in the shower for an hour? you smash shit? damn i wish that was me

gladeguardian: Were you ok in the head when you typed this?

murderisquiteok: probably not lmao

actualbabey: i commit mass genocide with my cuteness when im upset

thebeast: i commit mass genocide with my bloodlust when im upset

br0ken: i commit mass geno-arson with my hands when im upset

shieldbro: i commit mass genocide with my beauty when im upset

thegreyprince: lmaooooo in your dreams maybe

thehollowknight: you guys have coping mechanisms? :(

murderisquiteok: yes, don’t you?

thehollowknight: no :((((

thehollowknight: i am forever sad

gladeguardian: What the actual fuck is wrong with all of you?

-

7:14 PM

thegreyprince: seeing as you all need to wise up, i shall share my precepts

PaleAuthority: I will smite you when you try.

thegreyprince: didn’t see that

thegreyprince: Precept One: Always Win Your Battles: Losing a battle earns you nothing and teaches you nothing. Win your battles, or don’t engage in them at all!

thebeast: so far so good

thegreyprince: Precept Two: Never Let Them Laugh at You: Fools laugh at everything, even at their superiors. But beware, laughter isn’t harmless! Laughter spreads like a disease, and soon everyone is laughing at you. You need to strike at the source of this perverse merriment quickly to stop it from spreading.

shieldbro: lmao

actualbabey: hahahahahahaha

fuckyourfloors: lmfao fucking loser lmao

thegreyprince: didn’t see that either

thegreyprince: Precept Three: Always Be Rested: Fighting and adventuring take their toll on your body. When you rest, your body strengthens and repairs itself. The longer you rest, the stronger you become.

murderisquiteok: brb dad gonna go sleep for an eternity again

alwayswatching: these are just common sense

thegreyprince: well fine, here’s some of my favorites

thegreyprince: Precept Eleven: Mothers Will Always Betray You: This precept explains itself.

thebeast: the fuck????

yeeshaw: don’t worry mother, he has family issues

thegreyprince: Precept Twenty-Six: Don’t Trust Your Reflection: When peering at certain shining surfaces, you may see a copy of your own face. The face will mimic your movements and seems similar to your own, but I don’t think it can be trusted.

fuckyourfloors: you’re a dumbass zote

thegreyprince: Precept Thirty-Two: Names Have Power: Names have power, and so to name something is to grant it power. I myself named my nail ‘Life Ender’. Do not steal the name I came up with! Invent your own!

theangryone: and such a deadly nail it is lmao

murderisquiteok: my mother was so kind when she named me after a number that means nothing 

thegreyprince: Precept Thirty-Six: Eggshells are brittle: Once again, this precept explains itself.

PaleAuthority: I can’t even comment on this one.

thegreyprince: Precept Thirty-Eight: Beware the Mysterious Force: A mysterious force bears down on us from above, pushing us downwards. If you spend too long in the air, the force will crush you against the ground and destroy you. Beware!

gladeguardian: You mean gravity??? It’s literally harmless

gladeguardian: Dumbass

shieldbro: lmao

thegreyprince: Precepts Fourty-Four: You Can Not Breathe Water: Water is refreshing, but if you try to breathe it, you are in for a nasty shock.

itsforscience: THERE ARE COMMON SENSE???

thegreyprince: Precept Fourty-Eight: Be Careful With Fire: Fire is a type of hot spirit that dances about recklessly. It can warm you and provide light, but it will also singe your shell if it gets too close.

theangryone: YOU ARE SO IDIOTIC IT HURTS

thegreyprince: And finally, Precept Fifty-Two: Beware the Jealousy of Fathers: Fathers believe that because they created us we must serve them and never exceed their capabilities. If you wish to forge your own path, you must vanquish your father. Or simply abandon him.

PaleAuthority: ………

shieldbro: ………

actualbabey: ………

murderisquiteok: ………

br0ken: LMAOOOOOOO MANS SPITTING FACTS

shieldbro: YOU BITCH HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT SHEO IS A GREAT DAD

murderisquiteok: FUCKING ASSHOLE DAD DISOWN HIM

PaleAuthority: You have 2 seconds to run, bitch.

actualbabey: this is what tears us apart huh

thepaintmaster: D:

shieldbro: LOOK AT HIM

shieldbro: YOU MADE HIM SAD

shieldbro: XERO KILL HIM

murderisquiteok: AYE AYE TISO

relicseeker: I am remuting this chat.


	24. [murderisquiteok: we want you to participate in the bloodshed]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I wish the bolding format worked, this fic would look different   
> My docs page is all nice and shit and the actual fic looks so unorganized nghhhh

5:30 AM

thegreyprince: ah, i see someone didn’t beware the mysterious force

shieldbro: the mysterious force hates my guts :(

theangryone: sheo how the fuck do you deal with them

theangryone: every time they type, i get more of a migraine

br0ken: and every time we kiss, i swear i could fly

theangryone: im gonna kill you

-

6:41 AM

justwantstofight: Tiso has been picking fight with everyone he sees lately

singingandmining: Just today, he threatened to beat up the lady who sells apples because “you don’t have the warrior kind”.

shieldbro: she didnt and she deserve to pay cause of it

AintPaidEnough: Oh my Wyrm, Tiso, you need to stop.

shieldbro: not until i get my sustenance 

-

8:50 AM

actualbabey: family bonding night tonight :)

actualbabey: @itsforscience wanted to do lazer tag if im not mistaken

theangryone: oh fuck yeah

theangryone: i’ll be there if we can do paintball next

br0ken: YES PLS

relicseeker: I’d happily watch that. 

PaleAuthority: As would I. The chance to see you fucks get shot? Count me in.

actualbabey: ok but lazer tag first

actualbabey: we have the place rented from 8 pm to 12 am

nowdancefuckerdance: How’d you manage that?

actualbabey: im just that awesome lol

-

[MiniPainters]

9:10 AM

shieldbro: dad you should come to lazer tag tonight

shieldbro: or at least paintball when we do it

thepaintmaster: I’ll come to watch and support you guys!

murderisquiteok: well that’s no fun

murderisquiteok: we want you to participate in the bloodshed

thepaintmaster: I’ll do paintball if it makes you feel better.

shieldbro: YEEEEEEEAH 

thegreyprince: he can be our secret weapon

shieldbro: stfu zote i still hate you

-

[HallownestTexts]

11:16 AM

actualbabey: i need a list for participants so if youre a regular and not gonna do it mute the chat for a moment

actualbabey: dont try to permanently mute it lol

actualbabey: theres no escape

actualbabey: but yeah go ahead

[thefriendlyone has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

[justwantstofight has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

[singingandmining has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

[thebestaccordionplayer has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

actualbabey: that all?

actualbabey: any newbies

actualbabey: no cool ok

actualbabey: ill organize teams soon enough

[actualbabey has forcefully unmuted the chat]

-

5:12 PM

actualbabey: i need a few confirmations of attendance

actualbabey: @nowdancefuckerdance @gladeguardian @thebeast you coming

nowdancefuckerdance: Yeah

gladeguardian: ^

thebeast: ^^

thebeast: we elect to ignore this hellspawn for as long as possible

actualbabey: ouch guys 

-

7:40 PM

actualbabey: TEAMS!

actualbabey: Oro, Hornet, Pale Lurker, God Tamer, Emilita, Xero, Grimm, and Quirrel are the Orange Team

actualbabey: Broken, Tiso, Herrah, Monomon, Markoth, Revek, Zote, and myself are the Green team

actualbabey: make private gcs so we dont know your strategies

PaleAuthority: When did you become a leader? Damn.

-

[actualbabey has made a new groupchat]

[actualbabey has added br0ken, shieldbro, and 5 others to GreenTeam]

thebeast: very creative

actualbabey: i know :)

actualbabey: so what are we gonna do

itsforscience: We focus on Oro first. He’s very good at any games that involve targeting

itsforscience: Others we need to aim for first: Pale Lurker, Grimm, Hornet

shieldbro: why them

itsforscience: Unpredictability

-

[nowdancefuckerdance has made a new groupchat]

[nowdancefuckerdance has added justvibin, yeeshaw, and 5 others to OrangeTeam]

nowdancefuckerdance: We only have one plan: win

theangryone: and murder

nowdancefuckerdance: Yep. Xero, Hornet, Oro, go wild tonight

murderisquiteok: hell yeah

-

“Now, we have some ground rules before you can play,” the TV voice droned on, a list of rules flashing on the screen. “Rule 1: No contact. Rule 2: Sensors must be visible during gameplay. Rule 3: If your equipment fails, you’re out for the round. If the cause is low batteries, an exception is made.” 

“Yawn,” Emilita said loudly, causing a couple snickers. 

“Rule 4: Sportsmanship is important. If you cheat to win, you haven’t really won.”

“YAWN,” Emilita repeated, this time accompanied by Xero, Hornet, and Oro.

“Rule 5: When shot, you must return to your base to be tagged back in. A maximum of 2 players are allowed in the base once the game begins. And finally, Rule 6: Remember to have fun! Your equipment will be activated when the game begins.”

“Boring,” Grimm muttered, standing up. He slipped on a vest and grabbed a gun, the others following his lead and suiting up as well. 

“Can we ignore Rules 1-4?” Oro asked. “I wanna tackle people.”

“No,” the Pale King’s voice echoed around the dimly lit room from the PA systems. “You lot will play fair tonight.”

“At this moment, your vests will light up with your team color. Please stand near the door matching your team. The doors will open when everyone has pressed the “ready” button on their vests.”

The group did as the automated voice said, separating to their respective doors. Within moments, the doors opened with a quiet hiss, revealing the dark playing field. Large pillars and walls were all anyone could see. There was a large castle-like structure in the middle, scarcely placed pillars scattered around it. The two teams separated to their colored home bases. A small flag, bright and visible, was hanging on the wall. 

Grimm turned to his team. “Alright. Remember, we’re here to win.”

“I didn’t hear the rules,” Oro muttered with a smirk. Quirrel nudged him. 

Meanwhile, on the green side, Monomon picked up her gun. “We have our plan. Stick to it and act quickly.” 

“The game will begin in 3…”

Hornet grinned wickedly as she held her gun. Oro and Xero stood besides her, eyes gleaming.

“2…”

Broken and Ghost stood side by side, ready to charge. Herrah gave a determined nod. 

“1…”

“Oh shit,” Quirrel whispered. Tiso smirked to himself. 

“Begin!”

Immediately, music began to play as the two sides charged. Quirrel and Markoth acted as guards for their bases while the others began to exchange fire. Ghost and Broken had seized hold of the castle structure, both firing at the oncoming group of God Tamer, Pale Lurker, and Emilita. 

Oro stalked through the darkness, choosing to go for a silent approach with Hornet and Xero by his side. The group had nicknamed themselves as the “MurderSquad”, which was an appropriate name for the three. 

“Halt,” Oro hissed softly, holding up his hand. Xero and Hornet stopped, peering around Oro at the green base ahead. “We need to be stealthy.”

“Hornet and I can go in at the same time, one from each side, to distract the guard,” Xero suggested, playing with his gun a little. 

Oro shook his head. “I like it, but it’s very risky. The guard will for sure hit one of you and we can’t afford to lose a teammate this early.”

“We could also-” Hornet cut herself off, ducking back behind a wall with her teammates. Seconds later, Revek and Herrah appeared nearby, both of them ready to fire.

“Are you sure you saw someone?” Herrah asked softly, scanning the area. 

Revek’s eyes narrowed. “I’m positive.”

“Stay back with Markoth if that’s the case. I’m going to help the vessels ward off the other team. Don’t leave under any circumstances.”

Revek nodded, disappearing behind the walls. Herrah returned to the middle of the field. 

“Shit, ok, that’s not good,” Oro muttered. “Revek and Markoth are guarding and that’s not something I look forward to facing.”

Xero waved a hand. “If you can lure Revek away, I could easily tag out Markoth.” 

Hornet inclined her head. “How are we gonna get the guy out of there? You heard Mother.”

“Easy. I’m going to go to the middle and tag out one of their teammates. When they’re returning to base, Revek will have to swap out to let them back in.”

Hornet and Xero gave twin nods. Oro cocked his gun with a grin and rushed into the middle, ducking behind walls as Ghost turned their fire to him. Emilita and God Tamer were returning vigorous fire. Monomon was battling it out with Pale Lurker. Oro noticed a split second where Broken’s guard was down and took his shot. The sensor lit up on Broken’s vest, emitting a loud bang. 

The vessel looked down, then raised their gun above their head to show they were out. They began to go back to their base, passing by the duo lurking in wait. 

“Tag back in. I’ll take your place until you return,” Revek commented to the vessel, taking his gun and floating out. As soon as the ghost was gone, Hornet nodded to Xero and the two red-clad bugs darted through the shadows, each taking a side. 

Markoth perked up as he heard the soft noise of a gun being cocked. He muttered softly, raising his own gun. “Someone’s here,” he murmured to Broken, who had just finished tagging back in. The vessel raised their gun as well, looking around. 

Hornet aimed her gun behind her partner, expecting someone to try and surprise him. She could see Xero lining up his shot, the other completely focused as he aimed for Markoth. Xero’s eyes narrowed and he pulled the trigger. At the last moment, Broken pulled the moth out of the way, returning fire. 

Hornet sprang into action, firing as Markoth did the same. The four were locked in a battle to survive, Markoth and Broken guarding the neon green flag. 

“Incoming!” Zote’s yell caught Xero by surprise. He rolled to the side, managing to avoid the laser from Zote’s gun. He returned fire quickly and Zote dodged. He ducked behind a wall as Xero got to his feet and fled, running past Hornet. 

“Bail!” he hissed, running off. He turned halfway and shot at Markoth one last time. Hornet blinked as the moth’s sensor was hit and emitted the signature beep. She turned to flee with Xero as Markoth cursed. 

On the other side of the field, Quirrel was locked in a staredown with Tiso. The pillbug smiled warmly, his gun at his side. “Oh, Tiso! Are you having fun?”

Tiso’s eyes narrowed, his gun aimed. “Don’t try to talk sweet to distract me, Quirrel,” he hissed out. 

Quirrel inclined his head. “Talk sweet? I was just asking if you were having fun!”

“It’s not a trick?” Tiso asked cautiously, lowering his gun a little. Quirrel shook his head. 

“Nope! Just a friendly conversation between lovers, I guess.” He set his gun on the ground. “There. Now I can’t possibly try anything.”

Tiso observed him for a moment longer. He lowered his gun more, still holding it with two hands. “Would you try anything if I shot you now and took your flag?”

Quirrel smiled. “No, because I’d have to tag back in. But you would still have to get the flag to your own base, and, well, you wouldn’t go unchallenged.”

Tiso blinked at the answer. In the corner of his vision, he noticed the forms of Ghost and Revek lurking nearby. Good. That meant he could actually try to get the flag. “Well, it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?”

Quirrel shrugged. “Go ahead if you want.”

Tiso smirked. “Alright.” He raised his gun and shot Quirrel’s vest, the sensor going off. Instantly, Ghost sprung into action with Tiso, grabbing the flag and hiding it amongst their small frame. They retreated silently while Tiso faked his escape, seeing Revek acting as cover. 

“He has the flag! Get his ass!” Oro yelled, turning on Tiso instantly. God Tamer joined him, sprinting after Tiso. Revek took a shot that would’ve hit Tiso and the ant swore as he lost his cover. He darted back to the base, hoping Ghost had gotten there in time. 

He could see the vessel darting for the walls that made up their home plate and he smirked. This game was as good as over. 

At the last second, Pale Lurker shot Ghost’s vest, laughing maniacally as she snatched the flag back. “Thaaaank you,” she said in a singsongy tone, scampering away to return the flag. 

“Shit.”

-

Grimm was in a deadlock, staring at Monomon and Herrah. The pair stared back, wearing twin mean glares. 

“You do realize you’re at a loss here, right?” Monomon asked.

Grimm arched a brow. “Am I?” he asked with a small smirk. The motion made Herrah look around as if she were expecting the troupemaster to have help arrive. 

“What’s your game?” Monomon hissed, pointing her gun directly at Grimm’s sensor. 

“My game? Why, simply to win. I’ll show you!” Grimm shot Monomon’s vest, turning his fire to Herrah as the sensor beeped. Herrah cursed as she ducked down to avoid Grimm’s fire. 

“I need backup!” She called out loud. She turned to return fire, ducking down to avoid the lasers. Grimm cackled madly. 

“He’s having fun,” Revek muttered as he floated onto the scene, firing back at Grimm. 

“No kidding,” Herrah replied, joining the ghost. Grimm ceased his fire to dodge. Herrah’s sensor went off and she cursed as she noticed Emilita. “Careful of Emilita. She’s lurking in the left corner.”

As Herrah exited the structure, Tiso and Markoth took her place. Tiso and Markoth focused on Emilita while Revek kept his gaze on Grimm. The ghost chuckled as he finally managed to hit the troupemaster, who cursed quickly as he retreated. 

Flashes of orange and green appeared from all angles as most of the team converged on the structure. God Tamer and Emilita stood side by side while Oro was a chaotic whirlwind of light, shooting everyone he could aim for. Xero, Hornet, and Quirrel were half using the nailmaster as a shield, firing from behind him. Meanwhile, the green team was returning fire with just as much power. The vessels were side by side, shielded by the duo of Tiso and Markoth. Monomon and Herrah, having tagged back in, were aiming for Oro, as was Zote. 

Nobody noticed the one missing member. That was, until the firing came to a sudden halt and the music stopped, replaced with a voice over the PA. 

“Guns down! The game is over!”

As the lights slightly brightened, Pale Lurker emerged from the green side, the flag in a hand. She cackled to herself as she slightly hunched over the flag, caressing it in glee. “Yes… the key to victory… right here in hand!”

“Weirdo,” Tiso muttered.

-

[HallownestTexts]

1:31 AM

PaleAuthority: How the fuck did Pale Lurker win that?

imfuckingcrazy: i’m crazy like that ;)

theangryone: hehehe cannot wait for paintball

theangryone: gonna fuck you all up 

thepaintmaster: ;)

actualbabey: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN


	25. [PaleAuthority: LMAO RADI HAD A STROKE!]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valentines Day chapter tomorrow! Expect some romance :)  
> After that? Paintball time

10:02 AM

shieldbro: if i dont have a kickass theme when i enter battle, im not fighting

br0ken: ^

colosseumchampion: facts though

PaleAuthority: You don’t need a theme to fight???

theangryone: YES YOU DO

theangryone: that’s the most important part 

-

12:33 PM 

[Private messages between shieldbro and justvibin]

shieldbro: you free tomorrow night?

justvibin: Should be! Why?

shieldbro: no reason-

-

2:11 PM

thepaintmaster: Going to try and take my wonderful sons to the market. Wish me luck.

thebeast: you’re a wonderful bug, Sheo

nowdancefuckerdance: ^ Ww all wish you luck on your trip

thebestaccordionplayer: He may not return alive

-

2:41 PM

thepaintmaster: Tiso’s causing problems D:

thepaintmaster: This is not going as well as I had hoped.

justwantstofight: you’ll get through it

-

3:02 PM

thefriendlyone: Are you ok

thepaintmaster: We’re about to be thrown out for starting fights.

thegreyprince: entirely tiso’s fault, might i add

shieldbro: tf??? youre the one who waved that stupid shellwood nail at a shopkeep and went, and i quote, “If you don’t sell me every last one of your pale ores, you’re gonna catch these hands”

thegreyprince: well she wouldn’t give them up

murderisquiteok: lmao cause our broke asses can’t pay for them

actualbabey: why didnt you mooch off sheo lol

actualbabey: thats what i did when i was a youngin

thepaintmaster: And let them use my money at free will? Fat chance.

-

3:31 PM

thepaintmaster: Argument that gets us thrown out: complete. 

thepaintmaster: Actual action of being thrown out? In progress.

[thepaintmaster has sent a video]

-

4:12 PM

PaleAuthority: Ok, I did not expect to see a video of Zote being punted out the doors like a ball.

murderisquiteok: you should’ve seen it in person lol

-

5:20 PM

bestbitch: @actualbabey i wrote you a poem

bestbitch: roses are red, violets are blue

bestbitch: get the fuck out i fucking hate you

bestbitch: to come in here means certain doom

bestbitch: no seriously get out of my room

actualbabey: :0

thebeast: really brings a tear to your eye, huh

-

6:19 PM

imfuckingcrazy: hm

imfuckingcrazy: whos house should I raid

br0ken: i nominate tiso again

shieldbro: rude

shieldbro: was gonna say quirrel but not im switching to broken

br0ken: worth :’)

imfuckingcrazy: I have made my decision

-

6:42 PM

fuckyourfloors: ok which one of you fucks told her 

fuckyourfloors: i’ll kill you

PaleAuthority: Lmaoooooo.

-

7:13 PM

QueenBretta: Zote asked me a question today and I thought about it so hard that it gave me a migraine

itsforscience: What’s the question?

QueenBretta: “Can you cry underwater?”

itsforscience: ……..

itsforscience: brb

-

10:08 PM

itsforscience: I have spent two hours trying to figure this out

itsforscience: Help

murderisquiteok: worry not, we have a true genius here to figure it out

[murderisquiteok has added thegreatmind to HallownestTexts]

thegreatmind: Ascend?

actualbabey: HE IS HERE

actualbabey: THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

br0ken: BOW DOWN TO HIM

alwayswatching: ?

QueenBretta: Gorb, do you reckon you can cry underwater?

thegreatmind: ……

thegreatmind: g o r b

[gladeguardian has unmuted HallownestTexts]

gladeguardian: I can’t get a break, huh. Gorb is having a seizure on the floor, what did you do

thebeast: lmao they’re killing the great mind with a question

thegreyprince: LOOK IM CURIOUS

shieldbro: i do wonder…

yeeshaw: don’t try it Tiso

shieldbro: im gonna now to spite you

-

11:04 PM

gladeguardian: Gorb’s still at it

thepaintmaster: Yeah, Tiso passed out a bit ago, said he was going to synch his mind with the Higher Beings.

singingandmining: Why don’t we just ask @PaleAuthority?

PaleAuthority: Lmao you think I have the foggiest idea?

yeeshaw: we were hoping

-

1:24 AM

thehollowknight: technically, you can cry underwater, but you’d most likely die in the process :)

fuckpaleking: AHSJSJFLSKJDBSLKFDBSJ WHAT

-

1:30 AM

nowdancefuckerdance: Man, do I have to prepare for this one

nowdancefuckerdance: @everyone 

[nowdancefuckerdance has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

-

1:47 AM

actualbabey: HOLLOW WHY DO YOU KNOW THIS

theangryone: HOW DID YOU KNOW

PaleAuthority: LMAO RADI HAD A STROKE!

colosseumchampion: hell yeah, thats badass as fuck though

shieldbro: ????????!!!!!!!!

justvibin: DO NOT DO THIS PLEASE

murderisquiteok: IM HONNAS GABE A DTROKE TWO

AintPaidEnough: Did you just use “two” instead of “too”?

thebeast: ZIP IT SLY WERE HAVING A MOMENT HERE

-

3:38 AM

[nowdancefuckerdance has unmuted HallownestTexts]

nowdancefuckerdance: Cool, now my reaction won’t be buried

[nowdancefuckerdance has sent a video]

-

4:03 AM

thefriendlyone: Never did I think I’d wake up to see a video from Grimm, click on it, and hear a damned soul screaming in another dimensional language


	26. [imfuckingcrazy: kajdfbhjskfndjgnwkjfa]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaah I’m sorry this is late!!!! I was on a flight for 2 hours yesterday and got home at 10 pm, then had school today. 
> 
> I promised the paintball chapter be after this one, and I don’t wanna make you guys wait another day, so that’ll be out in a few hours after this one! Latest it’ll be released is the day after at noon.
> 
> Enjoy your lesbians :D

4:51 AM

[Private messages between colosseumchampion and imfuckingcrazy]

colosseumchampion: date night?

imfuckingcrazy: kajdfbhjskfndjgnwkjfa 

colosseumchampion: i’ll take that as a yes

-

God Tamer seldom took her girlfriend to public places that had other bugs. The girl was, quite literally, insane and gods forbid their one date was cut off by another attempt to “steal their organs to use as a necktie”. 

Pale Lurker seemed calmer today, walking alongside God Tamer with only a few crazed mutterings. She lifted her helmet to hiss at anyone that looked at the pair, and if that didn’t do it, the “I’ll fuckin kill ya and use your limbs to decorate the nearest nursery home” did. God Tamer adored the threats Pale Lurker could dish out. 

The two girls had settled for a simpler date, choosing to walk through the park (somewhat) silently. Pale Lurker was holding God Tamer’s hand, her eyes locked on every bug that passed until they were out of eyesight. God Tamer sighed softly as she stopped walking, turning Pale Lurker to her and gently cupping her head. 

“Can you do me a little favor?” 

“Yeah?” Pale Lurker’s head tilted to the side. She lifted her helmet and her eyes narrowed. “Did someone look at you wrong again? I’ll kill ‘em for ya, if ya want!”

God Tamer shook her head quickly. “No, no. I don’t want you to kill anyone yet.” She lifted her visor. “Just.... can we dial it down on the threatening and hissing?”

Pale Lurker blinked. “I thought you liked the threats and hissing.”

God Tamer grinned under her helmet. “I do, believe me.” Her smile slipped a little. “They’re just not appropriate in this situation.”

“Oh. I see…” Pale Lurker looked down for a moment. She slipped her shurikens into her shawl. “For you, I guess, I won’t kill anyone.”

“And you promise not to threaten anyone?”

Pale Lurker let out a soft whine. “W-well… I dunno if I can promise that.”

“Please?”

“Fiiiine… I won’t threaten anyone.”

God Tamer gently kissed the side of Pale Lurker’s face. “Thank you.” She let his visor fall. 

The leisurely walk continued in silence. Pale Lurker merely glared at passerbys now, her hands occasionally fidgeting and beginning to move to her helmet. One look at God Tamer stopped the motion. 

God Tamer gently patted her girlfriend’s back, gazing down. “Just a little longer,” she murmured. It was the one promise she was determined to keep. After all, the two girls had never been one for romantic scenes and lovesick word exchanges. They liked action. The adrenaline was addictive, the sirens and screams behind them were like music, and the flashing lights as they made their getaway served as a reminder of what they had done and made it all the sweeter. 

Their dates were unique like nobody else’s. 

God Tamer stopped in front of the restaurant and looked at Pale Lurker. “Remember how I told you about this place? How it was really fucking expensive and everyone who attended were stuck-up pricks?”

“Yeah?”

God Tamer’s eyes gleamed beneath her helmet. “I finally got us a seat.” She revealed the two pristine white tickets. “Took for-fucking-ever and my entire collection of Pale Ores but I pulled it off.”

Pale Lurker made a noise in the back of her throat, her eyes wide as she lifted her helmet to gaze at the silver words on the small slip of laminated paper. She took it with shaky hands and a large grin slowly spread to her face as she looked back up at God Tamer. “Do you mean…?”

“Oh yeah.” God Tamer nodded once. “But first, we have to get our meal.”

It took all of the champion’s strength not to fall over from the sudden tackle from Pale Lurker, the other girl screeching in happiness, her words forming one incoherent sentence (which wasn’t unusual). 

“Ok, ok!” God Tamer laughed, pushing Pale Lurker off of her leg. “You’re welcome. We need to snag our seats before the asshole manager sells ‘em.”

Pale Lurker put her helmet back down as she inclined her head. “Would he do that?”

“Yes,” God Tamer muttered, turning to the door. She despised the Soul Master with a burning passion. It had been a miracle she could even get the two tickets for his fancy-ass restaurant. The last time they had crossed paths, the encounter had ended with one count of aggravated assault to God Tamer’s name and a trip to the hospital for the bastard. 

God Tamer opened the doors to the restaurant, flipping her visor up. Behind her, she could see Pale Lurker lift her helmet slightly so she could glare at the rich bugs that turned to stare as the two walked in. God Tamer muttered curses under her breath, half-hoping Pale Lurker would snap and she could sic her on the bugs without remorse. 

A stout bug stopped the pair at a tall podium. He looks like a prick, God Tamer thought as she stared definitely at the bug. The bug held out a hand. “Tickets, ladies?”

God Tamer resisted the urge to punch him as she handed over her ticket. The bug examined it up and down as if he expected the stupid paper to be fake. A ridiculous thought. Nobody would be foolish enough to fake a ticket to this joint. 

“Your table is this way. Follow me.” The bug stepped down from the podium as soon as he had finished examining Pale Lurker’s ticket. Pale Lurker had to stop herself from cackling at the bug. He was utterly short and she was almost certain one good shuriken to his abdomen would make him pop like a sentient water balloon. 

The restaurant was very clean and quiet, the conversations of the rich folk matching the volume of the soft classical music that played throughout the place. As much as she hated the owner, God Tamer couldn’t stop herself from admiring the food. The presentation was impeccable, flawless, and it made her almost regret picking a fight with Soul Master. Almost.

The bug only left them for a moment when he had found the girls’ table, returning half a minute later with two petite menus. God Tamer turned it over as soon as the bug had gone. It was needlessly fancy, the book’s cover and back made from maroon leather. The pages of the menu were a perfect white and lined in gold. The lettering on the front was also gold and the black calligraphy of the menu’s choices was one thing the champion couldn’t help but respect. 

Pale Lurker couldn’t care less about the menu, settling on the first thing she saw and electing to run her claws against the silver pattern on the edge of the table. When she bored herself of that, she moved on to mess with black leather seats of the booth, stabbing small holes into it to create a crude smiley face. 

“Are you having fun?” God Tamer whispered, almost wincing at the volume of her voice. Gods, it was way too soft in here. She was used to speaking in a loud tone, something she had adapted to due to the constant thrum of the Colosseum. 

Pale Lurker looked up and nodded quickly. “Oh, yes!” Her “quiet voice” wasn’t much better. She had a habit of scaring her opponents first-hand by screaming. How she hadn’t lost her voice yet, God Tamer hadn’t a clue. A bug in a maroon dress nearby turned to the girls with a glare. 

“Shh! This is a quiet restaurant!” she snarled softly. God Tamer almost laughed.

“Fuck off, you insolent, imprudent, injudicious, ill-advised imicile!” Pale Lurker ended the long taunt with a cackle as she flipped the bug off. 

The bug looked absolutely aghast by the string of words. “Why, you little fool!” A bad choice of words, God Tamer immediately knew. Nothing boosted Pale Lurker’s ego like being called a fool. “I’ll have you know I am head of Lurien the Watcher’s Board Committee, and I will not stand for being insulted by someone with the likes of you!”

“Is that so?” Pale Lurker inclined her head to an angle that would’ve been uncomfortable for any other sane bug. 

“It is! So I suggest you offer me an apology, and hope that I’d be so forgiving to accept it!!” The bug folded her arms over her stupid flowy dress. If she had the room, God Tamer would’ve leaned back and put her feet on the table.

Pale Lurker let out another cackle, the sound raw and crisp against the restaurant ambience. By now, other bugs had paused their eating and talking to watch, almost as entertained as God Tamer was. She could see the chefs in the back peering through the small window they had. Good. Let them watch.

Pale Lurker got to her feet, giving the bug an extremely sharp-toothed grin. Her hand reached into her shawl, emerging with a hidden spiked shuriken. The bug’s eyes widened as she saw the weapon, and for the first time, the quiet mutter slowly increased to a soft clamor. “Do you wanna say that again?” Pale Lurker asked, her voice dangerously quiet. 

God Tamer stood up, grinning to herself. Finally. She was getting bored of this scene anyways. She placed a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder, leaning in to whisper “Go wild”. God Tamer began to walk to the front as Pale Lurker put her helmet down and let out a wild shriek. 

“God Tamer. I should've known.” The deep voice of Soul Master made the champion stop. She turned to face the scholar, arms folded. 

“And you didn’t, which makes you a dumbass,” she replied with a sly smirk. The rage that flashed in the scholar’s eyes satisfied the champion. 

“Shut up,” he hissed. “I don’t know how you and your crazy friend got in here, but I want you two gone.”

God Tamer grabbed the fatass’ weird fur collar and pulled him close, clenching a fist. “Listen here and listen well, you pompous idiot. Don’t say shit about Pale Lurker, or I’ll knock you into next fucking week. Got it?”

She didn’t wait for a response, slugging Soul Master across the face. Behind her, she could hear the absolute chaos Pale Lurker was wrecking upon the restaurant. The former champion cackled as she flipped a table. When she was done flipping off another bug, she ran over to God Tamer, hopping over the form of Soul Master. 

“Can we go now? I hate social interactions.”

God Tamer grinned. “Yeah, we can go now.” She took Pale Lurker’s hand. “Make sure you give my good friend here a kick on the way out.”

Pale Lurker grinned joyfully as she did exactly that, kicking the scholar before happily following her girlfriend out. 

-

The sunset was absolutely breathtaking, complemented by the shining skyscrapers and flashes of red and blue in the distance. Pale Lurker tapped the dashboard in the passenger seat adamantly, nodding her head along to the music that blasted from the stereo. 

God Tamer turned the music down as she drove. “You know,” she began, “I really enjoyed today.”

Pale Lurker looked over, her helmet off and on the floor next to God Tamer’s. “Really?” she seemed surprised at that comment. 

“Yeah.” God Tamer smiled as she swerved to avoid another police car. “I wouldn’t take you to a place like that without the intent to cause misery. You know that.”

Pale Lurker snickered, tapping a little on the window to flip off a police car that had tried to cut the pair off. “That’s sweet.” She looked back at God Tamer. “No amount of words could express how much I love you. But I hope this can.”

She took the steering wheel and spun it, sending the car spinning until it was facing the cars they were being chased by. God Tamer let her take over, the car going into reverse, though she could hardly focus due to the kiss Pale Lurker was giving her. 

When she broke away, she flashed a grin at God Tamer, relaxing back in the passenger seat as God Tamer turned the car around. She brushed the tears away. 

Next to her, Pale Lurker looked over. “Can I stab someone’s heart out and give it to you on a spike as a gift next time?”

God Tamer laughed. “Sure. Only if I can get you a key made of someone’s tears in return.”

Pale Lurker snickered. “That’d be perfect


	27. [theangryone: PAINTBALL DAY MOTHERFUCKERS]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter tired me out. I spent a total of 4 hours writing it. 
> 
> If you wanna leave suggestions for future chapters, go ahead lmao. I have like 4 planned things left and then I’m going rogue
> 
> Also, thanks for 4000+ hits :D

[HallownestTexts]

7:10 AM

theangryone: PAINTBALL DAY MOTHERFUCKERS

PaleAuthority: The only day I will ever look forward to. 

relicseeker: ^ I cannot wait to watch you fools

alwayswatching: the one event I will participate in

actualbabey: yeah i cant organize it this time unfair advantage by knowing the teams

actualbabey: so we just gonna get there and pick straws

shieldbro: GUYS GUYS GUYS

thegreyprince: YOURE NOT READY FOR OUR WEAPON 

murderisquiteok: IT WILL CAUSE MANY DEATHS AND MUCH MISERY

yeeshaw: lmao yeah ok

shieldbro: juuuuuust you wait hornet

shieldbro: just you wait

thebeast: i don’t like that one bit

-

[MiniPainters]

11:39 AM

thepaintmaster: Guys, I don’t even know how to hold the gun.

shieldbro: you dont need to have an amazing aim to play dad

shieldbro: you just need to CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES AND MAKE THEM PAY :>

murderisquiteok: yeah! just aim, fire, and LAUGH AS THEIR BODY FALLS TO THE FOREST FLOOR :)

thegreyprince: ^ and then you move on to find your next target and SEND THEM INTO A NEVER-ENDING CYCLE OF MISERY :D

thepaintmaster: ……..

thepaintmaster: How sleep deprived are all of you?

shieldbro: oh sheo

shieldbro: we havent slept since dodgeball

-

[HallownestTexts]

1:04 PM

thefriendlyone: When’s this event starting?

PaleAuthority: Eh, 5:00, give or take.

PaleAuthority: If you’re free, cool, show up. If you’re not, oh well, show up.

nowdancefuckerdance: Brumm, can you cancel my chiropractor appointment? Gotta go shoot these losers in the face

thebestaccordionplayer: Yes, sir.

-

“Well, this is quite the crowd,” Grimm commented as he observed the bugs that could be his companions or competition. The group had found a very secluded forest nearby and, with the help of the Great Knights, had turned some of it into the ideal place to play paintball. 

“Ok, ok, gather around so we can go over the rules.” The Pale King’s calm voice got everyone’s attention as he held the list of general rules. “Unlike lazer tag, this game doesn’t suck the fun out with the rules alone. General rules are things we should all know: don’t be a dick when you’re shooting, don’t point-blank shoot each other, blah blah blah. As much as I dislike you all, I don’t want to see you get hurt.” He set down the rules and picked up a mug full of slips of paper. “I want everyone to come up here and grab a paper. All will have one of two colors: purple and yellow. Two of them will also have the word “captain” on it. You get that, you’re the unofficial leader. Not too much power is in your hands, mostly just forming a plan with your team. Get up here so we can continue.”

Everyone did as the King said, taking a slip of paper and looking at them. When Lemm asked for the two captains to step forward, Quirrel and Markoth did so. 

From there, the teams were formed. Quirrel’s team consisted of himself, Monomo, Lurien, God Tamer, Revek, Cloth, Mato, Oro, Ghost, and Grimm. The Pale King gave a thoughtful nod. A solid layout. 

Markoth seemed mildly displeased as Xero hung on his arm. Aside from the pair, the team also had Hornet, Tiso, Brumm, Herrah, Zote, Pale Lurker, and Broken. Lemm did another headcount and blinked. 

“We have an uneven number,” he muttered. “Didn’t we say we were going to have 20 participants?”

Tiso grinned at that. “Yeah, we are having 20.” He hurried to pick up his phone, dialing a number. “Hey, dad? You can make your entrance now.”

As soon as he hung up, Sheo emerged from the field, a soft smile on his face, a paintball gun slung over his shoulder. He gave a friendly wave. “Hello, everyone!”

“You did not,” Oro said with wide eyes. 

“We did,” Tiso said proudly, leading the painter over to his team. “Behold, our secret weapon!”

The Pale King held up a hand. “As much of a surprise as this is, I do believe we have a war to start. Ready up, boys, girls, and vessels.”

-

Quirrel lifted his mask to speak, letting out a soft sigh. He put his hands together with a smile. “Ok! We have to remember the most important key- teamwork! If we work together, we can take them out easier.”

Lurien raised a hand. “Perhaps, but clumping together into one group won’t do anything except make us easier targets.”

Quirrel nodded. “Exactly! So, that’s why we’re going to create a few code words. That way, we know when we attack and who shoots. They won’t know who to expect and they cannot prepare for it.” He smiled. “Additionally, we can use fake outs. The King will only fire off an airhorn when someone is eliminated. He won’t announce who or what team. We can use the other team’s eliminations to seem like ours.”

Grimm folded his arms. “The only problem that is we have to be extra aware of our surroundings and who witnesses what. We can get someone like Hornet out, sure, but if Zote or Tiso sees it? The plan falls apart.”

“We just need to be alert.” Quirrel moved aside to show the purple flag hanging on the door of the small bunker. “And we need to protect this. I want one member to hang back and guard the outside, and two to be hidden inside.”

“That’s depositing three team members on guarding duty,” Cloth commented. “Is that such a good idea?”

God Tamer smirked. “No, no, he has a point. If we pick the right members, it can be a game changer. Who do you suggest we leave to guard?”

“If I may interject, I think it’d be beneficial to leave Ghost as the outer guard,” Revek commented. “No offense, but their small stature and general physical trait may make them look weak. If we have them outside and make it look like our only defense, the two inner guards can take our enemies by surprise.”

Ghost nodded quickly at the suggestion, then gestured to Grimm. The troupemaster smirked down at the vessel. “I see. They’re nominating me.”

Monomon adjusted her hold on her gun. “Deciding the other guards will need to be a well-thought out decision. We can’t risk just dropping two random members. I do think Grimm would be better suited here for the earlier gameplay, along with Cloth.” The teacher gave a small shrug. 

“Cloth? Why not someone like Mato?” God Tamer tilted her head. “He seems much more likely to want to guard.”

Oro grinned. “Nah, not Mato. We’re going to take down Sheo and that’s a promise we intend on keeping.”

Quirrel smiled. “I agree. So, we’ll leave Ghost, Grimm, and Cloth here.” He picked up his gun. “Now… about those codewords.”

-

“You got a game plan, chief?” Tiso asked, standing next to Sheo and his “brothers”. Before him, Markoth was quietly observing the bunker, muttering softly to himself. 

“Uh oh, it’s the “quiet muttering and pacing” side of him. Flee while you can,” Xero commented to Zote in a hushed voice, making the other snicker. 

“Shut the fuck up, Xero,” Markoth hissed, turning around. “I was observing this rust bucket for advantages the other team could use.” He placed a hand on the bunker’s door, slightly below the yellow flag. “The windows are big enough for even the most shortsighted of bugs to see in clearly. We can’t risk placing someone inside to guard. However, having them stand outside is just asking for an easy elimination.”

“What do you propose we do, then?” Brumm asked softly. 

Herrah’s eyes gleamed. “We could use cheap loopholes. For example, the king never said what would happen when we were eliminated, just to report to the base camp with our guns up.”

Xero snickered. “He also never said we couldn’t camp that. We could have someone sitting outside, waiting for an alive member of the enemy team to try and tag one of their own back in.”

“Oh, I like these ideas,” Hornet said with a smirk. 

Tiso blinked. “Wait, but shouldn’t we have someone guard? Or maybe two in case the first one gets eliminated?”

Sheo raised his hand. “I think we should leave two of our best players behind. That way, shorter members like Zote and Broken and stakeout and use a sneaky approach.”

Markoth nodded. “I like that. I also think we keep Pale Lurker as hidden as possible. She could be the perfect distraction if we need one.”

The group nodded in agreement. Soon, a whistle echoed through the trees, signaling the start of the battle. 

-

The forest was quiet. Too quiet. Tiso stalked through the bushes quietly, his gun loaded and ready to fire in his hands. The trees provided perfect cover for anyone laying in wait for him, much like Lurien was. The Watcher aimed as best as he could, his finger barely on the trigger. 

“Tiso!” Lurien startled as three bugs emerged from the trees. His eye narrowed. Xero, Sheo, and Brumm. They could be troublesome, especially if it came down to a four versus one. 

Lurien took his shot, a popping noise sounding off as the paintball flew through the air. Tiso ducked and the purple paint splattered onto the surrounding tree. 

“We have a visitor, boys,” Xero sang, aiming his gun with the other three members of his team. “Come on out, don’t be shy!” 

Tiso snickered. “Yeah! We just want to talk, we promise!”

“Fuck that,” Lurien whispered to himself. He was not expecting for someone to hear it and he almost yelped as the soft voice replied. 

“Aw, you’ll make them sad if you keep hiding like that.”

Lurien did his best to not shoot his own teammate as he glared at the form of Revek nearby, perched in a tree, his gun aimed towards Brumm. Amusement was incredibly visible in the ghost’s eyes. 

“You’re lucky they’re here to maintain my self-control,” Lurien hissed. He aimed back towards Brumm. “Let’s just shoot this idiot.”

Revek chuckled softly as he fired his gun. Lurien followed suit. Tiso jumped at the noise as Brumm managed to avoid the paintballs. 

“Where are they coming from?!” Tiso yelped as more shots rang out from what seemed like all directions. 

Brumm shook his head, watching the direction the shots came from. He took his gun and aimed towards a tree, shooting a few paintballs. Lurien hid behind the tree as yellow paintballs splattered against it. He grinned as he noticed Quirrel and Monomon nearby, side by side, guns aimed. With a silent unified nod, they both fired, barely missing Tiso. 

The shots quieted down, causing Lurien to slowly peer around the tree. The other team had vanished, the only sign of their presence being the yellow splatters of paint they had left behind. 

Nearby, Broken was watching from underneath a bush. They didn’t quite know why their teammates had fled. Sure, Quirrel had gotten the surprise attack, but it would’ve been a four v four, something their team could easily handle, especially with Broken and Zote lurking nearby. 

The vessel shook their head and took their shot, scampering away as they ignored the cry of surprise and (maybe) pain from Lurien behind them.

-

Cloth leaned on her hand as she watched the boring and quiet forest scenery. It was a mere 10 minutes into the game and there hadn’t been a single attempt for their base. 

So far, there had only been one elimination. Cloth had to hope it was for the other team. She sighed to herself as she adjusted her hold on her gun. Outside, Ghost was quietly swaying, hardly focused. 

Hornet grinned to herself as she spotted the vessel. Perfect. She looked around, observing the base. There was no way Quirrel would be stupid enough to just leave Ghost here for easy pickings. 

Hornet spotted the wide windows of the bunker and fired a single shot inside. Grimm tensed as the paintball hit the ground between him and Cloth. He motioned for Cloth to remain still, noticing Ghost perk up outside. 

Hornet silently nodded to herself. If there was someone inside the bunker, they had her respect. They were either hit and very, very good at hiding their pain, or the shot barely missed and they feared nothing. Hornet aimed again, this time for Ghost, and fired. The vessel was only hit by one paintball before they returned fire, seeming to know Hornet’s exact position. 

Grimm and Cloth watched silently as Ghost fired at their assailant. Their guns were ready to fire. All they needed was a clear shot. 

Hornet landed in front of the bunker. She was only there for a moment, leaping away seconds after, but Grimm took his chance and fired, barely missing the spider. Ghost was continuously firing, trying to hit their sister. 

Nearby, Tiso watched the battle with a shake of his head. He aimed towards Ghost and fired, catching the vessel off guard. The ant retreated before he could be seen, Hornet dashing in the trees above him. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be guarding?” Tiso asked quietly, running through the foliage. 

“I got bored. Mother can handle it on her own, I’m sure.” 

-

“Pretty scummy, to be guarding base camp, huh?” Oro folded his arms as he stared up at the tree. Lounging on one of its branches, with his gun aimed, was Xero. His white eyes only looked down for a moment before trailing away, as if he wasn’t bothered by Oro or the major threat of being shot. 

“They never said it was forbidden. You’re just saying it’s scummy because you didn’t think of it yourself.”

Oro cursed softly. He was absolutely right about that. “And how do you know I won’t do it for myself?”

“Because the second you try, I’ll be ready to eliminate your ass,” Xero replied, amusement in his voice. “Don’t think about trying to inform your team either. Again, I’ll shoot you. But even if they do find out, it won’t be too much of a loss.”

Oro smirked to himself. Keep him talking, he thought. Let him gloat and we’ll see what information we get. “Is that so? Why?”

Xero snickered, looking down at Oro. “I see your game plan, Oro. You’re not getting any intel from me.” He adjusted his gun at the same time Oro did, their firearms aimed for each other. 

Oro laughed at the movement. “Looks like we have the same idea. I don’t trust you. You don’t trust me.”

“Trust gets you nowhere in this war.”

“It’ll get me somewhere in this one.” 

As soon as he had finished speaking, a shot rang out. Xero moved himself out of the way of the purple paintballs that began to batter the tree. From the shadows, Mato smiled, continuing his onslaught. Oro joined in, firing at the fleeing red-clad bug. 

Zote inclined his head as he watched the two brothers congratulate each other. He smirked to himself. Fools, both of them. Next to him, Broken nodded, and the two fired twin shots. One shot sailed past Mato’s head while the other almost hit his mask. 

“Saw Monomon sneaking around nearby.” Xero dropped down next to them, watching the base camp. So far, only Lurien had been eliminated, cleaning his vest to remove the yellow paint. “Keep an eye out here while I get the next guard. Oh, and watch out for God Tamer. No one’s seen her all game.”

Broken saluted and readjusted their firearm, eyes on the base camp.

-

Sheo laughed as he dodged the paintballs they flew through the air. Quirrel smiled despite the small showdown the two were having. 

“I’m glad you seem to be enjoying this,” the pillbug called from his hiding spot. “I’d hate for such a fun event such as this one to be going unenjoyed!”

Sheo was aiming for Quirrel, a soft smile on his face. “It was my boys who convinced me, actually. I’ll have to thank them when this game ends.”

Quirrel chuckled to himself, turning and darting to hide behind a thick tree, occasionally taking a shot. He quite enjoyed every activity the group did despite the tendency for everything to dissolve into chaos at the end. It was smart, picking a game that was already chaotic to begin with. They couldn’t mess anything up, initially, but would probably still find a way to. 

God Tamer watched the showdown, leaning against a tree. She could care less about the game. She really wanted to just find someone to shoot, but it looked like her current target was having their own battle. It would be rude to interrupt. 

The champion stalked into the foliage, almost running into the trio of Markoth, Brumm, and Pale Lurker. God Tamer quickly hid behind a tree, narrowing her eyes at the trio before her. 

“I wish this game was over already,” Brumm muttered. He had been shot a few times, identified by the splatters of purple paint, but someone must’ve tagged him back on every time. 

“All the more reason to win.” Markoth adjusted his firearm. Next to the moth, Pale Lurker snickered to herself, fidgeting with her gun. 

God Tamer rolled her eyes as she aimed for Brumm. She could easily hit him again. Pulling the trigger, the sound ringing out, she smirked to herself as she heard the musician curse to himself, glaring around him before raising his gun and disappearing in the direction of base camp. 

“One down, two to go,” God Tamer muttered to herself, turning her gun to aim for Markoth. Eliminate the leader, eliminate the teamwork. 

“Psst! Hey! Whatcha doing?” Tiso’s sudden appearance behind her caught God Tamer off guard. She rolled to the side as Tiso opened fire, laughing as he jumped out into the open. “God Tamer. She’s alone too.”

Markoth and Pale Lurker had joined Tiso in aiming at God Tamer when the champion was on her feet. God Tamer’s eyes narrowed. What the hell was she supposed to do, just let them shoot her? Hell no.

She tried not to look at the lurking figures behind the trio. Monomon and Revek, from what she could tell. The duo had both locked their sights on Tiso and Markoth. God Tamer tried to avoid signaling them and raised her gun in one hand. 

Tiso smirked. “Aw, look, she’s surrendering.” He set a finger over his gun’s trigger. 

God Tamer rolled her eyes. “Please. You have me outnumbered. It’d be unwise to fight back. I mean, it’d be a real shame if I went down like this.”

“You’re talking like you’re going to walk away from this,” Markoth grumbled, gripping his weapon tighter. “What’s the deal?”

God Tamer smirked beneath her helmet. “Oh, nothing. In fact, I’m quite fine with this. Being out means I can go and eat some good fucking pasta.”

Two shots rang out from behind the trio and Tiso shrieked as he was hit in the back, stumbling forward. Markoth, suspicious, had managed to barely avoid Revek’s shot, the paintball whizzing by and hitting a tree behind him. Monomon cackled as she and Revek revealed themselves, God Tamer joining their side. 

“Well, not it’s three on two,” the teacher commented in delight, smugly waving at Tiso as he raised his gun and stood. “Oh, don’t leave so soon, Tiso! Pretty soon, you can join Markoth and Pale Lurker in their walk back to base!”

Tiso’s eyes twitched as Monomon laughed with God Tamer. Revek was silent, watching the two remaining members, gun ready to fire. 

Markoth’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll look like a damn fool when it’s you who ends up walking away covered in paint.”

Monomon’s eyes gleamed. “Is that so? How about we find out who the true losers are?”

-

Grimm was bored, staring at the dirt before him. How the fuck did their plan fall apart like this? He ventured off to take a quick breather and somehow, and he hadn’t a fucking clue when, Ghost and Cloth are eliminated by the duo of Zote and Sheo, with only Zote being taken out as well. 

He had been informed by rumor that someone on Markoth’s team was always camping near base, meaning it would be a struggle to tag members back in. Grimm watched a shootout between the trio of Monomon, Revek, and God Tamer as they went against Markoth and Pale Lurker. Tiso, who was presumably out, as his gun was lowered, was leaning against a tree, watching. 

A purple paintball splattered onto the tree next to Grimm, small drops landing on his mask. The troupemaster went to wipe it off, then stopped. The rules never said anything about fake eliminations. The Pale King obviously knew when someone was out, but if he didn’t truly care about the game’s outcome (he didn’t), he would allow Grimm to get away with his little stunt. 

Grimm snickered as he fired a paintball onto the tree. He dipped his fingers in the paint and grinned. Still wet. Good. Carefully, the troupemaster traced the outline of a paintball mark onto his vest, filling it in with another paintball. Perfect. Now, all he had to do was retreat to base camp and perform. 

Stepping out into the foliage, he shot Monomon a dirty look. “Nice aim.”

“Good job, Monomon,” God Tamer muttered. 

“Shit.”

Grimm waved a hand. “It’s quite alright, I was only guarding anyway. So, mind if I watch this little showdown?”

“No need. It’s over.” Revek replied as he hit Markoth with a paintball, leaving Pale Lurker alone. She didn’t bother to defend herself, giggling as the paintball hit her chest. Tiso cursed. 

“Run along, you four. Base camp is awaiting,” Monomon cheered, waving a tentacle. Grimm snickered quietly as he joined the three eliminated bugs in the trek back to base. As they approached the fenced off area, he could see Xero and Broken staked out in trees. Xero was focused on the group while Broken was focused on the trees behind them. 

Grimm waited for the others to enter, before raising his gun and firing a quick shot at Xero before switching his aim to Broken and firing again. Both bugs were hit, Xero falling out of the tree with a screech. ‘

“What the hell was that?!” Tiso screamed. “You can’t do that, you’re eliminated!”

Grimm sent him a smirk. “Did you forget. Friendly fire wouldn’t result in an elimination.” He wiped the purple paint off his vest. “And I shot myself. Never said it wasn’t allowed.”

Lemm howled in laughter as Tiso seethed, glaring the troupemaster down as Xero and Broken joined him on the bench. Grimm retreated into the forest. 

“How many members does each team have left?” Cloth asked, genuinely curious. 

The Pale King hummed softly to himself. “Well, you guys have Quirrel, Monomon, Revek, God Tamer, Mato, Oro, and Grimm. Seven. The other team only has Hornet, Herrah, and Sheo. Three. Chances are obviously in your favor.”

Tiso leaned back. “Please. I’m positive they’ll manage to eliminate more before they get out.” He grinned. “Especially Sheo.”

Xero nodded in agreement. “He’s scarily good at paintball and just has a very good aim in general.”

Lemm looked over. “What, did you guys practice or something?”

Zote stretched out a little. “Well, we did take him to a shooting range to see what we were working with. He got most of the shots and we figured that was good enough.”

“Let’s hope he’s as good as you say, then,” the Pale King commented. 

-

“Are you going to try and steal the flag? All of you?” Herrah smirked at the six bugs before her. 

Quirrel nodded. “Yep! We left someone to guard and figured we might as well rush for your flag!”

Herrah did a quick scan of the crowd. Quirrel, Monomon, God Tamer, the nailmasters, and Grimm. Shit, who was missing? Next to her, Sheo smiled at his brothers. 

“Good luck to you all,” he commented, raising his gun. “Unfortunately, we can’t let you have this flag.”

“That’s why we’re gonna take it by force!” Oro exclaimed. On that cue, the six raised their guns. “You can’t avoid all of us. In fact, we’ll give you one free shot.”

“We’ll WHAT?” Grimm asked incredulously. 

“No, no, let them have it!” Quirrel lowered his gun, motioning for the others to do the same. “If they hit it, it’ll still be a five on two.”

Herrah smiled. “Thank you, Quirrel. I’ll see you at base.” With those words, she fired at the pillbug. Quirrel staggered a bit, clearly not expecting that. 

“Nice job, Oro,” Mato muttered. 

“Shut the fuck up.”

God Tamer shook her head. “Well, I suppose we can begin now?”

Sheo chuckled. “Yes! Let’s begin!” He fired a shot that hit Grimm square in the chest, bringing the number down to four. Immediately, everyone else sprang into action, shots firing across the trees.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest, two white bugs faced off, silent and stoic as they stared each other down. 

“Is this a wise move, ghost?” Hornet never moved her eyes off the flickering form of Revek. “Do you truly believe you can defeat me alone?”

Revek’s eyes narrowed. “Who said I was alone?” His voice was soft, his stance relaxed, unlike Hornet’s tense one. 

“Do not play dumb. I know the rest of your team is attempting to get our own flag. That is why I am here to steal yours.”

“And you’d be a fool to do so.” Revek’s gun never faltered in position, pointed in a direct line of fire. 

Hornet smirked to herself. “I see. So it’s a challenge then?”

“If you want to call it that.”

“Good, I love a good challenge. Do not disappoint.”

-

“By Gods, what the hell is happening out there?” Lemm muttered, listening to the shots ring out from the trees, hardly flinching when the horn went off anymore. 

“We tried to make a rush and Oro let them have a free shot. We got smoked,” Grimm muttered. “What you’re hearing is the duel between Revek and Hornet.”

The troupemaster had joined Quirrel at base. Minutes later, Herrah, Oro, Mato, and God Tamer had joined them, leaving an equal number on both sides. 

The Pale King fired off the horn twice. “Monomon and Hornet,” he muttered. “Looks like we know the winner of those duels.”

Hornet stormed out of the trees. “I fucking hate ghosts.”

Xero and Markoth shot her dirty glared at that statement as Tiso laughed. “What, you actually got beaten by him?!”

“Tiso, he could beat you with his eyes closed,” Lurien muttered with a snicker. “As soon as that dodgeball game ended, he pegged you in the face.”

“Yeah, and it fucking hurt,” Tiso hissed. He folded his arms. “Still, it’s an interesting matchup. Sheo vs Revek, huh?”

“This’ll be quite the showdown.” Brumm leaned back, waiting for this accursed game to end. 

In the trees, Sheo waved at Revek. “Hello there! I’m not quite familiar with you, being honest.”

“I don’t talk much,” Revek muttered. His gun was lowered like Sheo’s. “I’m a friend of Xero.”

Sheo smiled. “Ah, yes, I remember your name coming up in a few conversations! Quite the fighter, I see!” He nodded. “Well, I wish you luck!”

He picked up his gun. Revek, who was already aiming, waited for the paintmaster to fully ready up before he took his first shot. Sheo, expecting the early shot, dodged the paintball, firing back. He knew why Revek had survived for so long- he was very quick in the air, from what Sheo knew, and wasn’t fond of abusing his ghost abilities in events like this one. Revek relied on his speed to avoid shots. 

Sheo knew what the ghost would be aiming for: a clear shot, seeing as he had stopped firing as Sheo moved in erratic patterns. A good strategy, Sheo thought. The paintmaster only stopped moving for seconds to get a few shots in before he continued to dodge. 

An idea struck Sheo and he fired his next shot above Revek. As he thought, the ghost descended a bit in his version of a duck. Sheo fired above him again, waiting as Revek’s feet barely touched the ground. As Sheo expected, the ghost stumbled a bit at the unfamiliarity of walking, lifting himself back into the air. 

A paintball whizzing past Sheo’s face made him return to reality and the situation at hand. He began to use his strategy again, waiting until Revek stumbled again. As soon as he did, he fired his shot. 

Something hit his vest and he winced, looking down. A purple paintball had hit his vest. Sheo looked down, seeing his yellow splatter on Revek’s gun. Ah. 

One final horn went off as Sheo smiled. “Good game,” he commented, helping Revek up. The guardian lifted himself back into the air. 

“My one weakness,” he said with a small smile. He shook Sheo’s hand as the other players rushed the field. 

Sheo laughed as he was tackled by his sons. It wasn’t a loss, not to him.

-

9:49 PM

[HallownestTexts]

shieldbro: SHEO YEEEEEEAHHHHH

murderisquiteok: SLAY

PaleAuthority: Sheo, can I hire you and Revek to occasionally spar for my own entertainment?

thepaintmaster: I’m ok with it!

gladeguardian: Tired

fuckyourfloors: you’re all gonna be sore tonight lmao

colosseumchampion: gods yes we are

actualbabey: i think we should dial it down on the events for a bit lol

theangryone: ew

justvibin: Nature walk?

alwayswatching: i can see the headlines

alwayswatching: “Local Idiots Somehow Fuck Up A Nature Walk”

PaleAuthority: Let’s do it.


	28. [relicseeker: ??? Is that a fucking mountain?]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camping arc (can I it that? I’m going to)  
> Camping arc  
> Camping arc
> 
> Episode 1: The Idiots Arrive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeee the camping arc begins! Credit for the idea goes to Janova! 
> 
> I’m slapping the nature walk chapter into this arc because it seems appropriate. I think there’ll be about 5-10 camping chapters? A few will be based around my own camping trip (it was a youth retreat but it still counts and supplied content). 
> 
> Also, camping arc suggestions? Totally open, send those fucking ideas in and let me thrive off the brilliancy of em all. 
> 
> Also, also, I made a fuckin Twitter for this book and anything it may happen to receive. Find it all at @bleedinheart_ (note: important updates that may happen involving myself will be posted here. The Twitter is so I can fuck around lmao)

8:49 AM

actualbabey: you guys wanna go on another field trip

theangryone: no

actualbabey: it’ll have one stop :)

yeeshaw: no

actualbabey: please it’ll be fun

alwayswatching: no

actualbabey: ew fine

actualbabey: guess i have to force you

thebeast: lmao good luck we all lost the ability to feel emotions years ago

-

9:20 AM

nyah: dad i wanna go camping

nowdancefuckerdance: Ok

nyah: YAAAAY :D

actualbabey: damn that easy?

PaleAuthority: Grimm, what have you cursed us all to do?

nowdancefuckerdance: Shush, little man. We’re going camping

-

[MiniPainters]

shieldbro: dad pls dont make me go

thepaintmaster: Sorry, but I’m going and so is everyone else, so you are too.

murderisquiteok: lmao i’m not going

thepaintmaster: Like hell you aren’t.

thepaintmaster: I said everyone and I meant it. 

thegreyprince: ok

thepaintmaster: Thank you.

shieldbro: suck up

-

9:43 AM 

[HallownestTexts]

[justvibin has sent an image]

justvibin: For smores :D

nyah: SMORES :D

actualbabey: SMORES :D

shieldbro: SMORES :D

yeeshaw: Tiso you are an adult

shieldbro: age does not restrict the smores love i possess

theangryone: he has the mantentality of a child. theres that fact as well 

PaleAuthority: Yeah. Watch this. 

PaleAuthority: @alwayswatching 

alwayswatching: SMORES :D

PaleAuthority: Age certainly does not restrict.

-

11:37 AM

PaleAuthority: Sign off with who you’re hitching a ride with so I can have less anxiety.

thebeast: you care about us? damn lol

PaleAuthority: Don’t push it, Herrah.

PaleAuthority: I myself will be taking Ghost, Broken, and Hollow. No, you cannot ride with, Tiso. 

shieldbro: dammit

PaleAuthority: Quirrel can come though.

justvibin: :)

nowdancefuckerdance: I’ll be bringing my troupe, of course, and probably Myla

nyah: singy friend :)

singingandmining: Hello

thepaintmaster: Once I wrestle them into the car, I’ll be bringing my sons, Oro, and Mato. 

thegreyprince: he says wrestle like we aren’t angels 

theangryone: you aren’t

thebeast: i’ll be picking up monomon, hornet, and cloth. lurien will be tied to the roof

alwayswatching: when did i agree to that?

thebeast: 200 geo

alwayswatching: i’ll be tied to the roof

PaleAuthority: Can’t wait.

PaleAuthority: Lemm, the crazy girls, and the ghosts already told me their plans, so I think we’re good.

PaleAuthority: I’d invite Radi but she’s inactive af on here so she’s left out lmao.

fuckpaleking: FUCK YOU

-

4:20 PM

alwayswatching: ayyyyyyye

thebeast: i hope you get mauled by a moss charger

-

5:13 PM

actualbabey: whats taking you guys so long @nowdancefuckerdance @itsforscience @thepaintmaster

itsforscience: We had trouble tying Lurien down but he’s good now. We’re almost there

nowdancefuckerdance: I had to spend an extra 20 minutes looking for Grimmchild’s favorite bedtime story

nyah: love you dad :)

thepaintmaster: hey assholes this is zote. sheo is driving and my phone was shut down to conserve battery life. we are currently in the drive-thru of a fast food place

PaleAuthority: Why?

thepaintmaster: we all agreed to have one last civil meal before we lose our sanity

actualbabey: smart

-

6:00 PM

actualbabey: GUYS LOOK

[actualbabey has sent an image]

actualbabey: RACE YOU TO THE TOP @shieldbro 

shieldbro: deal little squib

relicseeker: ???? Is that a fucking mountain?

relicseeker: When the fuck did that get there?

thefriendlyone: What, it wasn’t there when you arrived?

relicseeker: Hell no, I would’ve seen that shit and worked to prevent the idiocy above.

fuckyourfloors: you’re blind, that was definitely there when we arrived

[fuckyourfloors has sent an image]

PaleAuthority: Lemm being old aside, what the fuck is Galien doing? Lmfaooooo.

sweetscythebro: Revek stole my only kitkat

sweetscythebro: He must pay

gladeguardian: You touch me, and I’m calling my fucking lawyer

gladeguardian: And by that, I mean @actualbabey will take you

actualbabey: YES I WILL AFTER IM DONE RACING

thepaintmaster: We have arrived! :D

theangryone: finally

theangryone: that was not fun

theangryone: mato hogged the front seat

murderisquiteok: you literally decided who would get it with a game of rock paper scissors

theangryone: yeah and i ended up stuck between you and prince prat

thegreyprince: and you should feel blessed

thegreatmind: youre always blessed in the presence of gorb

PaleAuthority: SIIIIIGH.

justvibin: The nature walk has been set up! Tomorrow at 12

thebestaccordionplayer: Finally, a relaxing thing

justwantstofight: ^

justvibin: I know :)

justvibin: For now, come get some smores :D

shieldbro: AJSKDSJKFD GHOST JUST PUSHED ME TO THE GROUND

actualbabey: S M O R E S

-

9:02 PM

nyah: dad read me bedtime book pls

nowdancefuckerdance: Ok

nyah: thank you

-

10:03 PM

relicseeker: ??? Who do I hear screaming? 

fuckyourfloors: that would be galien

fuckyourfloors: revek has finally fought back

gladeguardian: I’m taking a page out of Herrah and Xero’s book and committing some murder

relicseeker: Murder him quieter, I’m trying to take a damn nap.

-

11:06 PM

[PaleAuthority has added nowdancefuckerdance and thepaintmaster to DadChat]

PaleAuthority: Maybe I should let the kids run through the Palace more. Ghost is wiped out.

nowdancefuckerdance: Yeah, I blasted “On The Road Again” the entire car ride and I guess singing it took out Grimmchild

thepaintmaster: You guys got lucky…

thepaintmaster: I had to deal with a lot of fighting, minus the 15 minutes of silence whilst we ate.

thepaintmaster: Look at my sons sleeping though!

[thepaintmaster has sent an image]

PaleAuthority: Cute when they’re not ali- I mean active.

nowdancefuckerdance: Smooth.


	29. [nowdancefuckerdance: This is not going to end well]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hehe Episode 2: Local Idiots Fuck Up Nature Walk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to make this clear: I had trouble with this chapter. I was interrupted twice, once to shovel and another to eat dinner, and I finished it like 2 minutes ago. 
> 
> I really am not satisfied with this chapter and if I’m well enough, I’ll fix it up. 
> 
> I’ll also be trying to figure out the bolding and emphasis stuff over the weekend if I can, because it really bothers me how different it is. This chapter has emphasis because it’s thoughts. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the support and feedback!

10:03 AM

justvibin: Nature walk is today! Don’t forget!

justvibin: A whole day, just us and the wonderful world around us… so peaceful…

nowdancefuckerdance: Have you seen this group and our whole shtick? 

nowdancefuckerdance: This is not going to end well

-

Quirrel gazed at the trees before him, stretching as he took it all in. Behind him, the rest of the group watched the pillbug, all of them looking bored or disinterested or mortified. 

“All in favor of going back to camp and/or home?” Lemm muttered. 

“I,” almost everyone said in unison. Quirrel turned and fixed them with a glare. 

“Oh, hush that now! This’ll be fun!” He clasped his hands together. “Come on now, no dilly-dallying.”

Scattered mutters sounded behind him as the reluctant group followed Quirrel. Grimm immediately winced at the harsh sun and put on a pair of sunglasses, flipping off the sky as he did so. 

“And if you look to your left, you’ll see a fuck ton of boring trees,” Tiso muttered to Cloth, who snickered. 

“Somewhere nearby, there’s a river and the dream of doing something fun, but we’ll never see it so what’s the fucking point?” Oro asked sarcastically. 

“Oh, stop that! A peaceful walk with nature is all we need to relax!” Sheo, ever positive, smiled at the quiet chirping of maskflies that echoed throughout the forest. 

“I don’t want to relax, I want to cause anarchy,” Monomon whined, pouting behind Herrah. 

Quirrel did his best to ignore the chatter of his friends as he walked, following the dirt trail. A long line of fence showed where hikers weren’t supposed to go and a few scattered signs were spread about, pointing travelers in the right direction. Quirrel traced a finger over one, then smiled. The bridge sounded like a nice place to go.

Tiso trailed behind the group, trying to look as pathetic as possible. Maybe they’d think he was dying of heat stroke and leave him behind. Then, he could go back to camp and search through everyone’s belongings. One of those fuckers had bought those small pastries filled with cream, whatever the fuck they were called.

“Tiso, are you coming?” Monomon hung back a little, causing Ghost, Emilita, Grimm, Xero, and Myla to hang back as well. 

“Shit,” Tiso muttered. He looked up. “Can I help it? This is boring.”

“Do you think they’ll notice if we just, I don’t know, vanish?” Grimm asked, lifting his sunglasses a little. 

“Probably not, they only care about Ghost and Myla anyway,” Monomon concluded. “Ok! If you want to join me and have some fun, I won’t stop you.”

Myla looked at the taller bugs, all of whom looked at each other in agreement. “Um… do-don’t yo-you think we’ll g-get lost…?”

“Oh, Myla, there’s a very good chance we’ll get lost, but it’s worth it, isn’t it?” Tiso grinned at the little miner. Even Ghost was in agreement, nodding their head vigorously. 

Myla sighed to herself. “O-Ok…”

-

“Are we going to ignore the fact that we lost seven of our group…?” Lurien whispered to Lemm. The relicseeker looked back, noticing the absence now that it was mentioned. He shrugged.

“Eh. As long as they don’t die, I don’t care.”

Quirrel hadn’t noticed anything, took awestruck by the trees around him. He smiled at a tall pine tree. “How marvelous,” he whispered to himself. 

“We are just losing members left to right,” Brumm muttered to himself as he watched Hornet dash away too. He would’ve been fine with Grimm wandering away, but the troupemaster had left Grimmchild behind and Brumm was not looking forward to being stuck with the feisty thing. Grimmchild poked their head out of the musician’s ring of fur and yawned widely. 

“Where dada?” they asked quietly, drowsy from their nap. 

_He left you behind to have fun,_ Brumm thought. He winced at those words. Like hell was he saying that. “He- he, uh, is back at camp setting up a surprise,” he lied. Fuck, he’d have to organize that now too. 

_Pussy,_ some inner voice in his head accused. Grimmchild blinked with their wide eyes and grinned. 

“Ok!” They rested their head on Brumm again. The musician sighed as he walked with the dwindling group, patting the child’s head softly.

By now, another party consisting of Herrah, Markoth, Revek, Lurien, Lemm, and Oro had departed as well, claiming they were going to find the others. 

Quirrel shot a glance back at the group and hid a smile. He was fully aware of the departing bugs. He’d see them shortly.

-

“Guys, look, I found an axe!” Tiso held up said axe from its position in a tree stump, swinging it around like it was a toy. 

“Tiso, put that down before you hurt yourself or someone else,” Hornet snapped, her arms folded. “You’re a terrible influence on Ghost.”

“Aw, but the pale squib loves me!” Tiso handed Ghost the hatchet. “Your turn.”

“No!” Hornet snatched the weapon away, embedding the blade back into the wood. 

Nearby, Monomon was standing over the sudden cliff that came out of fucking nowhere. She glanced over at Grimm. “5,000 Geo says you can’t do a triple flip and land it.”

Grimm smiled widely. “Really? Is that final?”

“Yep.”

Without another word, Grimm folded his sunglasses, placing them on the ground. He took a running start before jumping off, flipping three times as he fell. His feet hit the ground and he bowed to the applause of Myla, Xero, and Emilita. Monomon huffed as she chucked down Grimm’s sunglasses, the attire hitting the troupemaster in the face. 

“Your turn,” the scientist told Xero. 

“Hell no.” Xero raised his hands. “Make Emilita go first.”

“Fuck that!” Emilita said in a shrill voice. 

Monomon and Xero both gave her pointed looks that screamed “I’ll pay you”. Emilita huffed. 

“Fine,” she muttered. She went to run off the cliff but tripped on her long gown at the last second. A long string of curses followed her down as she fell. Moments later, Grimm’s raucous laughter sounded from below. 

“What are you guys doing?” Tiso asked as he, Ghost, and Hornet joined them on the cliffside. 

“We’re doing jump tricks,” Monomon explained. She grinned. “Xero’s next.”

“I’m what-” the red bug was cut off as Monomon shoved him off the cliff. Tiso, Ghost, Hornet, and Myla watched him fall as Monomon turned her back to the cliff, folding her tentacles. 

“He’s fine,” she said quickly. “Who’s next?”

Tiso and Hornet exchanged a glance and backed up simultaneously. Ghost shook their head. Myla was hidden behind Hornet. 

“Cowards,” Monomon muttered. “There’s a cave down there. Let’s go join them and see what it’s all about.”

-

“Ah, the joys of AC,” Lurien commented, leaning back in his chair. Surrounding him was the others that had bailed on the nature walk, knowing it would be bad news. 

“They’re going to have a fun time soon,” the Pale King said, reading a newspaper. 

Herrah looked at the King. “How do you know?”

“Call it a hunch.”

Lemm waved a hand. “Whatever it is, we won’t be there to suffer through it.”

“Amen to that,” Revek muttered. 

“Gonna be a shame if they get chased by something, though,” Lurien said as he sipped his drink (iced lemonade). 

“We’ll be sure to see the show when they do. Worry not about it.” The Pale King smiled to himself. 

-

“Uh, Quirrel, are you aware that we’re missing some bugs?” Mato asked, tapping the pillbug over the shoulder. 

Quirrel turned around. “Hm? Oh, yes, I’ve noticed.” He looked down off the bridge at the wide river below. “I trust they’re having their own fun.”

“Can we go back now?” Zote whined. “My feet hurt.”

“Seconded,” Oro called. 

Bretta and God Tamer raised their hands as well. “Third and fourthed.”

Quirrel sighed in resignation. “Fine. We can go back.”

“Thank Wyrm for that,” Brumm muttered, turning around to retreat down the dirt path. 

“What do you think the others are doing?” Cloth asked Quirrel, walking next to the scholar. 

Quirrel smiled. “Probably having fun somewhere else. Perhaps they’re at the lake, or maybe exploring a cave.”

Cloth nodded. “I bet they’re having the time of their life.”

-

“OH MY WYRM, RUN, TISO!” 

“I’M TRYING!” Tiso scrambled to his feet, having tripped for the 100th time. Grimm could see the Flukemunga rear up behind the ant and burst into laughter. 

Outside the cave, Hornet sat near a tree, listening to the screaming coming from the cave. She rolled her eyes as she watched Ghost play with a few pinecones. Monomon was also nearby, laughing her ass off. Myla had run off somewhere as soon as the first scream rang out. 

Inside the cave, Emilita, Grimm, and Xero all watched Tiso as he tried to frantically escape the horrible beast. Emilita was howling with laughter, while Grimm and Xero both watched with smirks, willing to help but choosing not to. At least they weren’t until Tiso grabbed Grimm’s cloak and attempted to push the taller bug in front of him.

“Don’t drag me into this, you asshole!” Grimm snapped, pushing the ant off of him, saved from the angry Flukemunga by one of Xero’s nails. Emilita jeered at the fighting bugs as Xero let out a curse, floating away quickly as the Fluke turned its sights to him. 

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Hornet looked up at the voice of Oro. She nodded at the cave. 

“Check it out, if you dare.”

Quirrel looked a little worried by the curses and screaming. “Are they alright?”

“They won’t be soon!” Monomon managed to choke out between laughs. 

Oro unsheathed his nail. “They’re cowards, all of them. I bet it’s not even that bad!” He marched into the cave proudly. 

The yell came a moment later. “FUCK, IT’S BAD!”

Zote joined Monomon as she laughed, especially when Oro emerged from the cave, looking frantic. Tiso was clinging to his back, still dragging Grimm by the cloak, much to the troupemaster’s chagrin. Emilita was being carried bridal style by Xero. The whole group would’ve looked fucking hilarous had it not been for the still pissed Flukemunga behind Xero. 

“Oh my-” Zote was cut off as he was picked up by Sheo. The paintmaster joined the sudden run the others had sprinted into.

Back at the camp, the Pale King nodded sagely. “Yes, it’s that time. Brace yourselves, everyone.”

Before anyone could ask what he meant, the trees parted and the group emerged from the path, Quirrel sprinting at the front. “Run!” he yelled out, darting past the group. 

Lemm snickered as he watched the frantic chase. The Flukemunga, still focused on Xero, decided to chase the ghost, changing direction when he floated away. 

“Why is it after me?!” he screeched, summoning the rest of his nails to attack the Fluke. 

Emilita, still being carried, tapped Xero’s helmet. “Maybe it’s because you’re attacking it?!”

“It’s self-defense! I’ll drop you right here and now, Emilita! Then it’ll have something to fucking feast on!”

Emilita sniffed, clinging to the ghost tighter. “Continue.”

The Pale King sighed heavily. He let Xero float past him, facing the charging Fluke calmly. Wings unfurling and shimmering, the King simply raised a hand and a glimmering SOUL nail impaled the Fluke in one swift motion. The King lowered his hand and the nail retreated. A flick of his finger sent the dead Fluke flying, as if it never existed in the first place. He turned back to the group. 

“Problem solved,” he said calmly, sitting back down and picking up his newspaper. 

Emilita tapped Xero again. “You can put me down now,” she snapped. 

Xero gave her a deadpan stare before holding her out and dropping her. “Ok,” he drawled. 

Quirrel turned to Tiso, who had been dropped by Oro. “Are you alright?” he asked in concern, picking the ant up carefully. Tiso, shaken, gave a nod in response. 

-

9:45 PM

bestbitch: xero screams like a bitch

murderisquiteok: @PaleAuthority we’re gonna have another ghost soon, if you’re cool with that

PaleAuthority: Yeah sure.

alwayswatching: man, am I submitting a headline to the newspapers

theangryone: and it’ll be?

alwayswatching: I think you know

-

11:49 PM

[Private messages between fuckyourfloors and murderisquiteok]

fuckyourfloors: did you really scream though

murderisquiteok: shut the fuck up


	30. [theangryone: goddammit fuck you fuck everything i hate this fucking trip]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally a filler chapter while I work on the next three chapters. I actually have three WIP chapters rn and omg help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late because:
> 
> I was sick  
> I couldn’t decide which chapter to write  
> I was desperate for something to be released  
> I am on my youth retreat and the worship leaders like to drop bombs and go “hey, btw we’re gonna be spending the whole day climbing a fucking mountain” so I didn’t get back to my laptop until 10:00 pm.

Grimm looked at the large stack of wood before him, pleasantly surprised with the amount the search party had managed to gather. He crossed one leg over the other, stroking the sleeping Grimmchild in his lap. 

Around him, the others mingled with each other, talking quietly. Tomorrow was another day of evident chaos, but Grimm appreciated the one day break Ghost had granted them. They needed it, if he was being honest with himself. Brumm’s melancholy tune continued to play, the musician’s eyes closed. The dimming sky was a sight to behold alone, twinkling stars forming little shapes in the sky. Occasionally, a streak of light trailed across the sky. Grimm’s eyes tracked it for a moment before his attention was brought back to the camp with a single tap of spoon against glass. 

The conversation dwindled down as everyone turned to where Ghost sat on a log, lowering the glass. They pointed at the fire, then gestured to the multiple logs around the circular pile of wood, motioning for everyone to take a seat. They rested their head on Hollow as the taller vessel sat down next to their sibling. 

Once everyone had taken a seat, Ghost lazily waved at Grimm. The troupemaster gave a short nod, flicking his hand towards the pile of wood. Flames sprung to life, ash and embers drifting off into the air as everyone was basked in soft red light.

Tiso held out his hands towards the fire. “Gods, that’s so warm…,” he mumbled, scooting a little closer. Next to him, Myla was inclined to agree, eyes closed as she embraced the warmth. Quirrel leaned his head on Cloth, who wrapped an arm around him comfortingly. Hornet looked away from the fire next to the Pale King. Nearby, Lurien continued to read from a magazine, his scalding hot coffee next to him. Monomon watched the embers that weren’t caught by the duo of the now-awake Grimmchild and Gorb, the two chasing after anything in the air. 

“He’s going to be the second death of me,” Marktoh muttered, shaking his head a little as he watched Gorb chase the embers. “If this trip doesn’t get me first, that is.”

God Tamer roughly shoved him with her arm. “We both know what’s gonna get you first.” She nodded to the moth’s other side. Xero was leaning on him, either asleep or close to it, eyes shut and his hands resting on the moth’s cloak. “Don’t move him. It’s kind of cute.”

Markoth rolled his eyes, keeping them trained on the red fire. Still, when no one was looking, he moved his cloak to wrap it around his boyfriend, bringing the other bug closer. 

By now, Brumm’s playing had softened, though the sublime tune was still present throughout the songs. The Pale King observed the quiet group, the ghost of a smile behind his mask. Moments like these were the reason he never left the group chat when he was added. They were rare, sure, and the bugs before him usually brought nothing but chaos, but they were all cherished by someone. He observed them once more, eyes trailing to the three brothers huddled together, where Zote and Bretta were being embraced by Sheo. The vessels were all nearby, leaning on each other as well as Emilita, who was oddly silent. Maybe it was the fire that had this calming effect. The Pale King nodded. He could absolutely get used to this, however long it lasted. 

-

12:00 AM

[MiniPainters]

thepaintmaster: If you guys want to come stargazing with me, feel free! I’ll be on the mountain, you’ll see me!

Once the message was sent, Sheo lied down on the soft grass with a content sigh, gaze directed at the dark skies above him. The night was quiet, the only noise being the occasional breeze and the distant ambience of the nearby lake. 

Sheo didn’t look away from the sky when he heard footsteps. He noticed the flash of blue and smiled. Once he had situated himself, Tiso let out a sigh. 

“I didn’t think anyone would join,” Sheo commented quietly, eyes scanning the sky before landing on a small cluster of stars. They formed a nail if he looked hard enough. 

Tiso watched the inky expanse above him. “Well,” he began, “I couldn’t just have you be up here alone.” He brushed his hood aside a little. “The other two might join soon, if we’re lucky.”

Sheo smiled. “Isn’t it something?” he asked softly. 

“What, the sky? I guess.” Tiso looked back up. “It’s just black with a little bit of white.”

“That’s not true. There’s some red, some blue, some yellow.” The response didn’t come from Sheo. There was a quiet shuffling as Zote sat down next to the pair, resting his arm on his leg. Beretta, who had accompanied him, whispered a soft “Have fun” before departing, leaving the three alone. 

Tiso looked back up, then nodded. “You’re right,” he admitted. The three fell into silence, silently stargazing as the night carried on.

It was about 4 in the morning when Xero finally decided to leave the dying campfire. It had been an hour since he woke up (on Markoth, no less) and had spent 20 of those minutes staring at the peaceful campfire in front of him, plus another 10 tiredly watching the chaotic duo that was Grimmchild and Ghost try to play tag in the dark.

With a quiet and somewhat incoherent mutter to Markoth (who was probably asleep with his eyes open), Xero got up and left, forcing himself to climb the mountain that wasn’t really a mountain. More like a steep hill but he wasn’t a geologist so he didn’t care. When he reached the designated spot, he noticed the three lying on the ground, eyes on the sky. 

“He’s finally arrived,” Tiso mumbled, glancing over for a second. The ant moved over and patted the grass next to him. Xero quietly lied down next to the blue-clad warrior. 

“Was asleep,” Xero muttered softly, eyes half closed as he turned them to the sky. “What are you doing?”

“Stargazing, obviously.” Sheo’s voice was serene. 

“Why…?”

“It’s fun and relaxing. There’s no particular reason.” 

Silence reigned over the four once more. It wasn’t an unwelcome arrival. There was nothing that needed to be said. They were content to lay there and stare at the sky, negative thoughts they might’ve had disappearing with the embers that were still visible from the campsite.

-

7:02 AM

[HallownestTexts]

PaleAuthority: Ghost and Grimmchild are wiped out.

thebeast: does that mean we’re free for another day?

PaleAuthority: Lmao you wish.

PaleAuthority: They’ll be awake in an hour, tops.

alwayswatching: that being said, tie-dye today bitches

theangryone: goddammit fuck you fuck everything i hate this fucking trip


	31. [gladeguardian: Existential crisis, here I come]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pushed back the tie dye chapter a little because I didn’t feel like it was right so I’m redoing it. In the meantime, have this. I felt like I needed to return to mostly text chapters before I post another “episode” of the camping arc
> 
> This took 4 days. Two wee because I had writer’s block, and two were because I’m dying trying to write other books 
> 
> Anyways, tie dye will be out as soon as I’m done redoing it

5:21 AM

[Private messages between actualbabey and gladeguardian]

actualbabey: revek are you asleep

actualbabey: dont make me spam you again 

gladeguardian: Lmao sleep? Never heard of it

gladeguardian: Also what do you want

actualbabey: todays activity will be dangerous

actualbabey: and i gotta know if you have any experience in what were gonna do

gladeguardian: And that thing is?

actualbabey: well i cant give you too much info now but just know its dangerous

gladeguardian: ……..

gladeguardian: I’m not helping you hunt down your friend for sport

actualbabey: PLEASE ITLL BE FUN

gladeguardian: No

actualbabey: 1000 geo

gladeguardian: Deal, now let me sleep

actualbabey: i thought you didnt sleep

gladeguardian: I don’t. 

gladeguardian: Existential crisis, here I come

-

6:00 AM

[HallownestTexts]

actualbabey: hehehehehehehehe

thebeast: don’t like that

br0ken: what are you planning

actualbabey: fun times sibling

PaleAuthority: I’d be scared but I’m also too tired to feel emotions anymore.

relicseeker: Mood.

actualbabey: coming at 9

justvibin: Oh no, not hide and seek

actualbabey: :)

-

9:14 AM

shieldbro: HGJMGSKDFNIEFNK

[shieldbro has sent an image]

yeeshaw: how’d they get up there?

-

9:35 AM

murderisquiteok: tiso just got ghosted

theangryone: the fuck does that mean????

actualbabey: i fly :)

nyah: i wanna help! :D

nowdancefuckerdance: Uh oh

-

9:42 AM

[nowdancefuckerdance has sent an image]

nowdancefuckerdance: Was nice knowing all of you

thebestaccordionplayer: get grimmchild’d 

hungry?: eeeeeehhhhh

hungry?: ghosted sounds better

murderisquiteok: YEAH IT DOES

thebestaccordionplayer: Fuck you too 

-

Zote crouched down in his spot under a bush, trying to quiet his breathing. He watched the small form of Ghost run past him, the trio of Tiso, Grimm, and Grimmchild behind them. Zote waited until they had gone before heaving a sigh of relief. 

The air turned cold, causing Zote to shiver. He lifted his cloak around himself before stopping. Wait… it was spring. A temperature change like that usually meant-

Zote turned his head slowly and gave a small peep of surprise as he noticed the wispy cloak and jagged nail. His gaze traveled up and Revek gave him a small wave in greeting. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” he commented in a monotone voice. 

Zote screamed,

-

11:41 AM

thegreyprince: THEY HAVE BACKUP

thegreyprince: ITS REKFDNJKSNFKSDJ

itsforscience: WHO??????

fuckyourfloors: aaaaaand zote’s gone

justwantstofight: he had a very loud scream

actualbabey: oro i see you

theangryone: NONONONONONONO

PaleAuthority: Not sure what’s happening, but I love it.

-

Broken watched the ongoing struggle in front of them, their phone held upright to take a video. Zote was cornered by Ghost and Revek, both looking ready to murder. 

Zote shot the vessel a desperate look. “HELP ME.”

Broken shook their head, tapping their phone to begin recording. 

-

1:03 PM

[br0ken has sent a video]

alwayswatching: loser

bestbitch: revek you fucking traitor

gladeguardian: Who are you

bestbitch: ok motherfucker, hands up lets go

theangryone: Revek i’ll give you 5000 geo if you beat her up

thebestaccordionpalyer: well someone has to bet against that. emilita, beat his ass

bestbitch: TODAY IS THE DAY I KILL A GHOST AGAIN

murderisquiteok: ooooooooooh

actualbabey: beat her up buddy ill keep hunting

bestbitch: TIME TO SHOW YOU WHY THEY CALL ME ETERNAL

shieldbro: damn

theangryone: he’s really giving you the silent treatment huh

gladeguardian: I have to save my energy 

shieldbro: for the fight?

gladeguardian: No, for the victory dance that will follow

thebeast: SKJNIUAEH(Q*IUSNDIQ@1232ndajkf

shieldbro: damn she broken

thegreyprince: oh my fucking god she fucking dead

murderisquiteok: IM GOING TO MURDER YOU

theangryone: ILL HELP

thebestaccordionplayer: Yeah Im coming too that was awful

shieldbro: after the fight though, right

theangryone: obviously

-

1:38 PM

justvibin: Looks like it’s only us left

singingandmining: I suppose so!

justwantstofight: indeed

fuckyourfloors: they do be going at it though

[fuckyourfloors has sent an image]

justvibin: Oh, they are going at it, huh?

thefriendlyone: I think Emilita might die.

br0ken: dibs on her money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5000 hits.... I cannot fathom that number! Thank you all for the support and ideas! This wouldn’t be the same without you all!


	32. [fuckpaleking: ok so what the actual fuck]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone suggested extreme whitewater rafting and I had to write that immediately. I also had to research it because I don’t get outside much 
> 
> Anyways, the camping chapters are all done (except for the next one), so faster releases should be expected! 
> 
> And then I’ll resume my other works that went on hiatus for a month for some reason-

12:15 AM

actualbabey: you are not prepared for today

actualbabey: its gonna be wild :D

nowdancefuckerdance: What haven’t we gone through on this trip?

alwayswatching: lmao you don’t wanna know

fuckyourfloors: don’t like that

PaleAuthority: ^ What is that implying?

actualbabey: hehe dad dont worry about it

shieldbro: well now im going to

-

2:04 AM

[Private messages between murderisquiteok and fuckyourfloors]

murderisquiteok: so uh

[murderisquiteok has sent an image]

fuckyourfloors: what in god’s great fuck is that?

murderisquiteok: uh

murderisquiteok: idk

fuckyourfloors: siiiiiigh

fuckyourfloors: where’s my nail?

murderisquiteok: lmao about that

murderiquiteok: brb-

-

2:18 AM

[HallownestTexts]

[singingandmining has sent an image]

colosseumchampion: can I get an image description, I honestly havent a fucking clue what Im seeing

alwayswatching: ID: A very blurry photo of Markoth trying to stab Xero to death. A Death Loodle sits in the background, watching with unblinking and soulless eyes.

yeeshaw: that didn’t help

colosseumchampion: yeah it did

colosseumchampion: Ill be over to pick up Fabio in a minute

theangryone: YOU NAMED THE DAMN THING FABIO??????

colosseumchampion: duh

fuckyourfloors: come get fabio before i skewer him

imfuckingcrazy: don’t be rude to fabio you bitch

fuckpaleking: ok so what the actual fuck

-

4:20 AM

alwayswatching: AAAAAYYYYYY

[thebeast has muted alwayswatching]

thebeast: no

-

5:52 AM

[PaleAuthority has unmuted alwayswatching]

alwayswatching: thank you

alwayswatching: ok so we’re going extreme whitewater rafting

br0ken: HELL YEAH DANGER

justwantstofight: will someone die?

gladeguardian: Can it be me?

PaleAuthority: Great reactions, you three.

-

“Today is not the day to fuck around! Yes, Broken, we can die from this, so make sure you listen close and follow instructions!” Lurien instructed, pacing in front of the group. 

“Aren’t we missing some members?” Cloth asked, lowering her raised hand. At her words, a scattered muttering rang through the group. 

Lurien did a quick head count. “Yeah, hold on. Where’s the bitch and the guardian?”

Almost immediately after he spoke, Emilita emerged from the nearby foliage. Her clothes were ripped and tattered and her mask had several scratches on it. She slouched towards the group. Revek teleported onto the scene, folding his arms quietly. Emilita flipped him off. 

“Fuck you,” she spat out, glaring harshly. 

“You wanted a rematch and you got one. Stop whining,” was the monotone response.

Lurien made a great show of clearing his throat to gain the attention of the group. He ignored the glares as he gestured to the rafts lined up. “Ok, enough bickering. As I said, this sport is extremely dangerous.”

“No shit, Sherlock, that’s why it’s called extreme whitewater rafting,” Grimm drawled. 

Lurien sighed heavily. “Moving on. There are six classes of intensity, with 1 being calm and 6 being incredibly dangerous. For those curious, Class 6 has a very high risk of life and the rapids are almost impossible to navigate.”

“Well, why the fuck do we go down those if they’re so dangerous?” Tiso asked, arms folded. 

“We’re stupid, Tiso. I’m not too sure what you expected.” Lurien stepped to the side so he could show off the rafts. “Now, these bad boys can fit 10 of us, so don’t worry about being left out.”

Quirrel raised a nervous hand. “What are the safety precautions?” he asked gingerly. 

Lurien laughed. “Oh, yes! Usually, we’d let you wing it, but because this is so dangerous, we took the liberty of providing you all helmets and life vests.” He pointed to where said items were stacked. “Now, because Herrah, Monomon, and Hollow kindly agreed to sit this one out, there’s exactly 20 of you.” He clapped joyfully. “There’s a spot for everyone! Now, because we want action, we’re forbidding Classes 1-3. 6 is open, but you’ll all probably die, so only go for that one if you really want to risk it. Ok, group up, choose your ride, and get the fuck out there!”

There was a collective sigh at those words. 

-

Brumm wasn’t sure how he got stuck with his current group. He stood idle, watching Tiso try to stuff his hood under his helmet. Zote was posing with his paddle, Pale Lurker and God Tamer were sword-fighting with the paddles, Emilita was cursing out Revek, Myla was trembling, Broken was bouncing, and Oro was facepalming. Yaaaaaay. 

One look over at the other raft told him he probably had the short end of the stick. They had Hornet, Quirrel, Cloth, Grimm, Mato, Sheo, Xero, Markoth, Galien, and Bretta. None of them would fuck around. 

“Ok, let’s get this out of the way. Does anyone want to do Class 6?” Oro asked, glaring at his group. To his dismay, Tiso, Pale Lurker, God Tamer, Emilita, Broken, Zote, and Revek all raised their hands. Oro blinked, then looked at Myla and Broken. “The only sane ones, I see,” he commented. 

“Mu-must we do the sca-scary one…?” Myla asked, holding her paddle in trembling hands. 

“We were outvoted,” Brumm muttered. “Just… hang on tightly, I guess.”

Meanwhile, Hornet glared at the others. “Choose Class 6 and I’ll end you.”

“Duly noted,” Grimm muttered, picking up his paddle. “I’m all open for Class 4. Not too hard, but not too easy.”

“I agree with that,” Quirrel piped up, strapping his life vest on. “None of us are professionals, so it’d be a perfect opportunity to relax.”

“Have you all agreed on your classes?” Lurien asked, looking up from his phone. 

“Fuck yeah, Class 6!” Tiso cheered. 

“Class 4,” Quirrel said quietly. 

Lurien shook his head. “I half-expected that,” he murmured. “Alright! Get those fucking rafts onto the water!” He looked back down at his phone. “I’ll see you tonight. Maybe. Depends if you die or not.”

With those parting words, he walked off, leaving the two groups with the river. 

-

“This is fucking easy,” Emilita complained, watching the trees pass by slowly. “And boring. What the hell?”

“It’s going to get harder, dipshit,” Tiso snarked. His paddle was in his hands, barely touching the water. Only Brumm had his paddle in the water. Everyone was wearing their helmets and life vests, though Zote’s looked about ready to fall off. 

“Shut up, both of you!” Oro hissed, raising a hand. “Do you hear that?”

The group fell silent, listening to the river. It sounded normal, complimenting the slight breeze there was. 

“What do you hear?” Zote asked snarkily. He dipped his paddle in the water. “This shit’s weak.”

Oro sighed heavily as he, too, dipped his paddle in the water. The other followed suit, preparing for the “dangerous rapids” this river had to offer. 

It came out of fucking nowhere. The only pre-warning the river granted them was what would be the first of many bumps off a rock. The raft was turned and the waters went from peaceful to fucking insane in the timespan of 2 milliseconds. 

Tiso was the first to let out a string of curses, grappling for a better grip on his paddle. Myla yelped softly at the sudden change, almost letting go of her paddle in her panic to hold onto the side of the raft. Broken let her cling to them, using their other hand to feebly paddle in an attempt to help the rest of their group.

“Too fucking easy now, bitch?!” Tiso managed to yell out, shooting Emilita a glare. Emilita flipped him off, almost losing her balance on the raft as it was jostled by the rough waves. 

“You know, if you fall off, we literally cannot come back for you,” Brumm commented over the river, blissfully lifting his paddle out of the water and holding it still. 

Oro had also lifted his paddle, choosing to focus on holding onto the raft. He nodded in agreement, knowing full well someone was going to hear that and “accidentally” fall off. Another long string of colorful curses came from Emilita as the raft was jostled once more. 

“This is a fucking disaster,” Brumm lamented, chucking his paddle to the side. Broken nodded in agreement, still holding the clingy Myla in one arm. 

Behind them, Pale Lurker was laughing maniacally, trying to rock the raft. “More, more!” she cried, swinging to and fro. 

“STOP THAT!” Tiso screamed, clinging like his life depended on it. It probably did at this point.

“Why can’t you all be calm? Literally the calmest two here are Emilita and Revek, which is almost a shock,” Oro snapped, half-ignoring the river by now. 

“Oh, of fucking course he is,” Emilita snapped back, shooting a glare at the ghost seated across from her. Revek gazed over at her and gave her a slow four-eyed blink, something he only did on rare occasions. He waved slowly, then turned away to watch the chaos unfold again. 

Something about that made Emiltia snap. “That’s it!” She threw aside her paddle and leaped at the ghost, determined to see him suffer. Revek gave a small yelp of surprise as he tried to push her off of him. 

“Emilita, I’m going to escort you to hell if you don’t get the fuck off me,” Revek snapped, finally managing to throw his assailant off. Both bugs ignored the multiple cries of protest from their group. 

“Stop the fucking fighting!” Oro yelled, turning as he prepared to hit one of them with his paddle. More yells were elicited at this, with only Myla and Broken remaining silent.

Emilita ignored the threats and yelling. “I’m killing him again! Fuck off!” She lunged again, being wary of Revek’s sharp claws. The ghost was barely able to hold the angry bug off, uncharacteristically angry for once. 

Myla finally stood, trying getting in between the two to make herself heard. “Pl-please st-stop fighting! It-it’s not helping!”

As the little miner half-expected, she was ignored. She heaved a sigh, sagging a little as she tried to think back on what she did wrong. Cloth had told her to be more assertive and speak up. Myla blinked as she watched the ongoing chaos. Hm… in their past days of hanging out, Tiso had always said he forced others to listen when they needed to. Maybe it was worth a shot?

Myla adjusted her helmet to speak up before something hit her from behind. Her words died as she was flung forward, crashing into someone as colors flew past her face, vision spinning. She could hear brief yells, ones of panic, before she hit the water. 

-

“You’re going to put a fucking hole in the raft if you don’t steer,” Markoth drawled, watching the sharp rocks draw closer and closer. 

Grimm shrugged nonchalantly as he leaned back. “Nah,” he said, eyes closed as he basked in the sun. 

“Just ignore him and steer,” Hornet muttered. Quirrel nodded in agreement, helping the rest of his group steer the raft. 

It had been smooth sailing ever since they had departed. No fights, no jerky waves, hardly any rocky collisions. Just them and the wonderful nature surrounding them. 

“I wonder how the other group’s doing,” Sheo mused, watching the trees drift by. The current began to pick up speed as he spoke, prompting the group to pick up their paddles to steer. 

“They’re probably fine,” Quirrel reasoned. “I bet they’re having fun!”

“Or they’re dead,” Xero muttered. 

“Hey, hey! I don’t want that pessimistic attitude from you, mister!” Sheo chastised playfully. 

Grimm snickered. “Tell him, Sheo.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Markoth cursed. “Grimm, we have to turn.”

“Nah, we’ll be fine.”

“Bitch, we have to turn,” Xero snapped as well. 

Grimm shook his head with a large grin. “Nope.”

Hornet muttered crossly under her breath as the raft was jostled by the rocks. Her eye twitched as Grimm commented “Ah, just like butter”.

“We should’ve turned.” Quirrel sounded a little nervous.

Bretta smiled softly. “On-on the bright side, I can see Lemm ahead!” She nodded in the Relic Seeker’s direction. 

“Oh, great. You’re back,” Lemm muttered crossly, setting his newspaper aside as he got up from his lawn chair. “Any casualties?”

Mato smiled. “Nope, it was all smooth sailing!”

“Riiiiiight,” Markoth drawled, poking the raft to examine the hole it now had. Next to him, Xero jumped on the inflatable vessel, making more air leak. 

“How’d you do that?” Lemm asked, sounding totally not surprised. 

“Grimm’s a terrible navigator,” Cloth responded, suppressing a chuckle. 

Lemm sighed heavily. “Yeah, I guessed. I’m going to check on the other group. Feel free to tag along and laugh at their misery, I guess.”

He wasn’t surprised to see the entire group trailing behind him. 

-

“What the hell did you guys go through?” Xero sputtered, staring at the other group in shock. They, quite frankly, looked terrible. 

Lemm was besides himself with laughter. “Oh, Wyrm!” he breathed out between laughs. “You look like you went through 12 hurricanes!”

“Piss off, Lemm,” Tiso snapped, wringing his hood out. The raft was gone and only Broken, Brumm, and God Tamer had their paddles. 

“That’s what you get for having no experience and choosing Class 6,” Grimm snarked, his sunglasses back on. 

“Well, you’re all alive, so we should be ok here,” Lemm said, calming himself down as he took a sip of his coffee.

Brumm threw his paddle aside as he discarded his helmet. “Nah, we lost three.”

Those words alone were enough to make Lemm choke on his drink. He whirled around. “You what?!” 

“We lost three,” Oro drawled, chucking his life vest aside. “Emilita tried to kill Revek, no surprise there, and they began to fight. Again, no surprise. And then they fell off and took Myla with them. Dumbasses, both of them.”

“To be fair, Emilita pushed Revek first,” Zote chimed in. Oro shot him a vicious glare. 

“It doesn’t fucking matter who pushed who first, what matters is that they’re found!” Lemm snapped again, stalking off to retrieve his lawn chair. “Fucking children, I swear to the gods above…”

-

4:02 PM

relicseeker: @bestbitch @singingandmining @gladeguardian Where are your dumbasses at?

bestbitch: forest

nowdancefuckerdance: Now that helps a lot, don’t it?

bestbitch: stfu

PaleAuthority: Must we really search for them? They’ll probably live.

PaleAuthority: Maybe.

thebeast: you’re such an irresponsible parent

PaleAuthority: Shush, I don’t judge you on your babysitting skills. 

PaleAuthority: I have to watch, like, 35 of you fucks.

PaleAuthority: I’m gonna lose a few.

singingandmining: My phone’s going to die :(

singingandmining: Revek’s is already dead

bestbitch: you fuckers arent using mine, fuck off

relicseeker: Less bickering, more telling us your fucking location

[sinigngandmining has sent an image]

thebestaccordionplayer: Why does every single tree look the same lol

shieldbro: its a forest dumbass

actualbabey: yeah brumm gods

nowdancefuckerdance: Yeah Brumm, pay attention lmao

thebestaccordionplayer: @fuckpaleking How much to smite these fuckers where they stand?

fuckpaleking: I’d do it for free

relicseeker: God damn it all.


	33. [gimmepower: dead or alive?]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My plans: *says to introduce the Radiance later*   
> Me: Yeah fuck you too, I’m doing it now 
> 
> Jokes aside, this is a more serious chapter. This book is and will continue to be a very shitposty book, but I want drama and angst and I’m fucking delivering with this one
> 
> Also Radiance comes in here and I needed her to be in this arc so what better way to do it than this
> 
> I’ve got something coming out that will be posted as soon as I think of a title lol. Anyways, enjoy.

Are we there yet? My feet fucking hurt.”

Revek blinked tiredly, holding back a heavy sigh. “Your feet always hurt. You bitch about it all the time.”

Emilita glared. “And I’ll continue to do so until I have a chance to get a damn break.”

“You’ll get your break when we’re reunited with the others, now kindly shut up. Your voice is like a nail being dragged down a wall.”

Myla nervously looked between the two, following as quickly as she could. They had been walking for a good 20 minutes, trying to find something that would be of help. Myla rubbed her head, trying to rid herself of the headache she was trying to endure, because neither of her two companions had stopped arguing since they were thrown overboard. 

Emilita folded her arms as she continued to walk. She had forcefully taken the role of leader, meaning she was choosing where the trio walked to. “Prick,” she muttered. “You know, I bet if you had let me choose what way at that first fork, we’d be back by now.”

Revek’s eyes twitched at that and Myla chose to risk a glance at the guardian. She remained silent, walking behind Emilita and clutching her phone. It was dead now, meaning only Emilita had her’s in working condition, but the miner knew full well that wouldn’t last. 

“We’re taking a break here because I’m the leader and I fucking said so,” Emilita declared, plopping down near a tree. Myla sighed as she sat down as well. She’d never admit it, but she was tired as well. Not that it mattered, however. She had gotten tired before and Revek had carried her for a good period of time. 

The aforementioned guardian didn’t object to the idea. He blinked slowly, closing all four eyes as he heaved a sigh and propped himself against a tree. “The sun will be setting soon,” he commented quietly, watching the sun through the trees. 

Myla opened an eye to look. She made a small noise of worry. “I-I wouldn’t wa-want to be out here wh-when it’s d-d-dark…”

“Yeah, no, fuck that,” Emilita scoffed. “But, worry not. We’ll be back at the campsite soon enough!”  
“What a miracle that would be. Unfortunately, we’re following your lead, so the chances are very slim,” Revek commented. Emilita hissed at him. 

Myla looked between the two. “Mu-Must we fight…?” she asked softly. 

“Yes,” both bugs responded, shooting twin glares at the small miner. Myla flinched, looking away quickly. 

It’s going to be a long night. 

-

“This is great, guys, really how I wanted to spend the goddamn night. Sleeping in a fucking tree,” Emilita muttered, readjusting herself on the thick branch of the pine tree. 

“Can you stop bitching about everything? Goddamn, woman, you don’t shut up.” Revek folded his arms as he floated nearby. 

Myla whined to herself, wrapping her arms around her form tighter as she tried to shrink into the bark of the tree. Please don’t fight, she prayed. She just wanted to sleep.

The only light the trio had was the dim ghostly glow that emitted from Revek’s form and even that provided very little light. One quick internet search told the group that there was a new moon because of fucking course there was. 

Emilita glared back, squinting in the dim light. “I’ll bitch all I want after I get a good fucking sleep.” She pulled her jacket over herself in a feeble attempt to warm herself. 

“If you survive that fucking long,” Revek muttered, turning away. 

Emilita glared harder. “Were you always a jackass when you were alive? I wouldn’t be surprised. You fucking wonder why the others don’t like to fucking interact with you.”

The following silence was deafening. Myla didn’t move, hearing a soft sigh from the ghost. “Ju-just sleep… I’ll keep watch.”

Myla almost sighed in relief as she took that as a cue to sleep, resting her head on the hard interior of her helmet. The leaves she had stuffed inside did jackshit to help, sadly. The dim glow faded as Revek floated off, presumably to keep watch as the girls rested. 

Despite the quiet surrounding her, Emilita found it impossible to sleep. A twinge of paranoia continued to pick at her mind. Fuck, what if she went too far? Didn’t Revek have a history of being incredibly combat-skilled?

Emilita opened an eye, peering down. She couldn’t see the ghost or his glow. Another sigh escaped her and she tried to wave it off, closing her eyes again. 

-

11:04 PM

nowdancefuckerdance: Anything?

thefriendlyone: Nope

yeeshaw: no

alwayswatching: yeah nothing

justwantstofight: damn

relicseeker: We’ll find them.

relicseeker: Tomorrow. We’ll find them tomorrow.

relicseeker: I’m tired right now though, so glorious bed, here I come.

justvibin: Real professional, Lemm.

relicseeker: I try.

-

1:41 AM

[Private messages between fuckpaleking and gimmepower]

fuckpaleking: hey

fuckpaleking: do it

gimmepower: whats my reward?  
fuckpaleking: uh

fuckpaleking: literally anything, i’m a fucking goddess

gimmepower: good enough

[fuckpaleking has sent an image]

fuckpaleking: there’s the image. fuck em up and bring em back

gimmepower: dead or alive?

fuckpaleking: alive would be nice but if you have to kill one of them, i won’t mind

gimmepower: ok

-

Traitor Lord’s eyes narrowed as he glared at his target. He was told there were three, but he currently only saw one. The ghost would be a problem if he chose to fight. There was no way in hell that nail was just for show.

The ghost, Revek if the mantis remembered correctly, seemed distracted, eyes occasionally looking up at the sky. Traitor Lord’s orange eyes gleamed as he stalked through the undergrowth, being careful as to not disturb any foliage. 

“I know you’re here.” The sudden announcement caught Traitor Lord by surprise. He stopped, eyes on the ghost, or, more specifically, his nail, as he stepped out of the foliage.

“Well. I thought I was being sneaky,” he commented, scythes poised to attack need be. 

Revek’s four eyes narrowed. Traitor Lord made a note of that. Right, jumping spider. The nail’s sharp blade gleamed in the dim glow surrounding the spirit. “What do you want.”

“What do I want?” Traitor Lord gestured to himself in faux surprise. “Why, I just want to help you guys out. Is that so much to ask?”

“You’re lying,” Revek muttered, grip on his nail tightening. “You’re an avid follower of the Old Light. There’s no way she’d want to help.”

Traitor Lord silently cursed the ghost out. “Oh, no, you have it all wrong, Revek. You see, I may be a Radiance follower, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good of heart!”

“You’re not, though.”

Traitor Lord snarled at that. “Ok, let’s cut the sweet talk,” he snarled out, sharpening his claws. “I’m doing a fucking job for the Light. So, this can go one of two ways. The easy way- you and your companions come willingly- or the hard way, where we fight it out.

A chuckle escaped Revek. “Are you dense enough to believe I would just choose to give up? Gods no. If a fight is what it comes down to, I have no doubt I can defeat you.”

“With help? Maybe. Alone, however? Highly unlikely.” Traitor Lord raised his claws. “So, guardian, what will it be?”

-

Emilita was woken with a horrific sounding cry of pain. Her eyes shot open and she scrambled upright, falling out of the tree. 

She held the trembling form of Myla close as she stared at the ongoing battle before her. The large mantis was fucking ruthless in his attacks, swiping relentlessly at Revek. Emilita blinked, then ushered Myla to the side, hiding behind a thick tree. “What the fuck,” she muttered. 

Myla held onto Emilita tightly, silent. The Traitor Lord let out another snarl as he charged again, parrying another blow from Revek as the ghost swung his nail. Revek teleported out of the way of a swipe, nail raised in a downward slash. Traitor Lord whirled around, snagging the ghost’s nail between his scythes. One pull freed the blade from Revek’s grasp and the weapon was tossed across the ground, clattering nearby.

With Revek unarmed, Traitor Lord took the chance he was presented, snagging the ghost’s thorax between his claws and forcing his opponent to the ground. “Now,” he breathed, glaring at Revek’s cold gaze, “where are the other two?”

“Gone,” Revek hissed. “They left as soon as this fight started.”

“Now, now,” Traitor Lord cooed, dragging a claw up the downed ghost’s face, “we both know that’s not true. Lying isn’t honorable, Revek.”

Revek’s glare hardened. “Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you,” he snarled. He clawed at the scythe holding him down, only stopping when the grip got tighter. 

“That’s not a wise move,” Traitor Lord commented. “I’ll give you one last chance.”

“Fuck off.”

Traitor Lord’s eyes gleamed, as if that was the answer he wanted. “Very well then. For both our sakes, I hope your friends escaped. After all, if they don’t come to rescue you, I won’t have anyone to fight!”

Emilita’s eyes widened. She turned to Myla. “We need to go,” she whispered, taking one of the miner’s hands. Myla nodded quickly, allowing Emilita to lead her away.

-

2:57 AM

[Private messages between gimmepower and PaleAuthority]

[gimmepower has sent an image]

gimmepower: cliffside. 7 sharp. bring no one

PaleAuthority: Ok.

-

[HallownestTexts]

2:59 AM

[PaleAuthority has sent an image]

thebeast: WHAT

nowdancefuckerdance: fuck

shieldbro: fuck indeed

fuckpaleking: don’t be late, fucker

actualbabey: bitch

nyah: meanie! >:(

bestbitch: hey fuckers, come pick us up and make it fucking snappy

relicseeker: What the fuck is happening?

PaleAuthority: Catch up, Lemm.

justvibin: Are you actually gonna do it? :0

PaleAuthority: I mean, yeah.

PaleAuthority: Save someone and get the bonus of beating her ass? Sign me up.

thehollowknight: father

PaleAuthority: Hush, child.

murderisquiteok: ok but what about the mantis and bastard

PaleAuthority: ?

murderisquiteok: she’s gonna have backup

actualbabey: shit he’s right

shieldbro: oh man please let us take care of them

shieldbro: itll be so fun

colosseumchampion: ^

PaleAuthority: Yeah sure, go crazy.

justwantstofight: I WILL TEAR OFF THAT MANTIS’ HEAD

[justwantstofight has temporarily muted HallownestTexts]

nowdancefuckerdance: ………

justvibin: She’s ready.

-

[Private messages between fuckpaleking and bastard101]

fuckpaleking: you saw?

bastard101: yes

fuckpaleking: you can take a mob, right?

bastard101: absolutely

fuckpaleking: awesome

fuckpaleking: until then, harass our guest

bastard101: random trivia?

fuckpaleking: random trivia.

bastard101: hell yeah my rancid egg facts finally come in handy

-

4:06 AM

[Private messages between gladeguardian and fuckpaleking]

gladeguardian: Actually die

fuckpaleking: ok

-

[Private messages between fuckpaleking and bastard101]

fuckpaleking: how did the hostage get his phone?????

bastard101: i gave it to him

fuckpaleking: why???????

bastard101: 1v1 online solitaire 

fuckpaleking: ……….

fuckpaleking: fair enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve misspelled things in the past but I’ve typed “fuck” over 500 times (I think) in this book and haven’t misspelled it once lmao. I’ve sworn more in this book that I have IRL


End file.
